The Mental Debt Struggle...

Keedie

Things with my dad's probate in Jamaica are moving forward, but it's still rather slow going. I've got to pay the notary a whopping £345 today and pick up the documents in East London and then pay for the documents to be couriered to Jamaica for the solicitor and the Supreme Court. Luckily my siblings and I have been paying money each month into an account to be able to handle the affairs for our parents. But it's a lot of administrative headache. And it stirs up a lot of grief trying to deal with international probate. But having this Parent Care sinking fund has made all the difference over the years. I think everyone should have one to be honest.

I think dealing with all of this stuff has taught me a valuable lesson though. I need to get my own affairs in order to make things easier for my loved ones when I pass. I managed all of my dad's affairs when he was alive, and so in that sense the probate was easy as I knew where everything was held and what accounts he had etc. As I was talking to my sister yesterday (as she is the other Executor my dad), and I admitted that my budgeting system works for my brain, but would probably really confuse other people. And that wouldn't be fair as they would be grieving as it is. So I've decided to make a list of my accounts and how I manage my money, and put the document away securely, so that they have the information that they need when it's needed. I'd update it as and when necessary over the years, but I think it would make a difference to do that. I probably need to simplify my system anyways... 🤔

Cherryfudge

It's a good idea to have things written down for the sake of others. I forget who it is but there's a lady who has a file called 'What to do if I can't', which seems to me eminently sensible. Everything from financial stuff to funeral wishes to how to turn the water supply off, your medication, allergies, fears, people to contact, the vet's address...

I hadn't realised you're still dealing with your Dad's estate. It sounds a big undertaking, but he was lucky to have you to deal with it as I think you have the right sort of brain for it. Difficult, of course, as it prolongs the grief.  

Baileys_Babe

I think setting up the file is a kind thing to do, but I don't think you should be simplifying a system that works for you especially when you are tackling the debt. Once the debt has been cleared you may find a simpler system works for you. 

Makingabobor2

That is one thing we are hoping to get sorted this year. I do have a book with acc details, passwords etc for all banks, utilities, debts etc. But I want something more detailed to even cover things like...." I feel the cold a lot in winter & like to wear layers & thermals", or " I like to wear pink".   When I worked with dementia patients at a day centre, it used to make me so cross seeing some if the clothes they would be dressed in. Either not suitable for the temperatures, or just looked like it was 20 years old & it was as if the carers just didn't care. 

beanielou

Wow. That’s a tough one. 13 years this month since my dad died. How I miss him. 

angelpye

I like the idea of having everything clear for people, I have been looking into Nok Box or something similar so everything is ordered, ready and fire proof

Sarahwithlove

Its such a good idea to have everything sorted. A will and power of attorney makes things alot easier but only if people know where to start looking. I find that with my work, it's a bit of string that you pick at until it all unravels.

Keedie

Happy Valentines everyone. I hope you're all able to spend quality time with your loved ones and found the time and space to have self love and some me-time today or over the weekend.

As for my dad's estate, it is a rather lengthy and costly process @Cherryfudge. Due to his estate being split between the UK and Jamaica. And it has definitely inspired me to make things as simple for my loved ones as possible. And I need to get on top of my life admin anyways. But I'd not thought of personal information like preferences for clothing and my inability to stay warm in the winter, @Makingabobor2, so I will probably include that too. Thanks for that. And the Nok Box looks great @angelpye, as I had a quick Google. There's categories there that I had not even considered and I didn't even think of the information being stored in a fireproof casing. And I must admit @Sarahwithlove, I've still not got my will and power of attorney sorted. But I did have a look at Bipolar UK as they're doing free wills if you leave money in your will for them. So I have no problems doing that, I just need to contact the company and ask a couple of questions and then get it sorted. I'm not sure if the free will offer only applies to online wills, as that is cheaper than the telephone option. This forum is so great, as I learn something everyday and I'm always given things to consider that can help my life, and so I'll always be grateful.

I hope this month isn't too hard on you @beanielou 💖. I don't think we ever stop missing our loved ones. It simultaneously feels like only yesterday and an eternity has passed since my dad died. It's a different type of pain now. But I do really miss him.

As for my finance system, it works in my head, but it is a lot to explain to someone else. And recently, I've needed a bit more flexibility. So it definitely needs to be simplified post debt life @Baileys_Babe, as I won't need to separate things as much as I currently do. Also, by tracking things on the spreadsheet with my expenses, I can sense a theme of what my actual categories of spending can be. Plus how much I'm roughly spending. But I also realised that I had too much categories and this week I've not tracked anything, but I also haven't overspent.

I think I need to go back to pen and paper budgeting and tracking expenses. I absolutely love spreadsheets, but I find that writing things down is like cash - it just feels more real. Whereas spreadsheets is like tapping my card. I'm just logging something and it's automatically adding up and I'm not paying that much attention to everything and the overall numbers. I think I need to see the balance decreasing overall by writing it down, but not in a way that is hard for me to maintain if I am physically or mentally unwell. So I definitely need to find a happy medium. I'll sketch out a new financial outline soon, so that I can compare it to what I have now and see if it will make the difference.

KajiKita

Maybe maintain the spreadsheet, so you get the benefits of its functionality, but then to get the tangibility, maybe have a whiteboard or a updatable sheet on the wall somewhere, where you actually write down whatever your key numbers are?

KK 

Keedie

I like the idea of an updatable sheet @KajiKita, thank you. I'll have a think about how I can do that. I'll probably make a mini budget planner that is paper based. I can work with that and then update my figures on the spreadsheet on a weekly basis. 

I've had a good think about my budget and how to make it easier to maintain whether I am well or having a bipolar episode or flare up. I think I've got a balanced approach now. I just need to figure out how to track everything in a way that isn't too laborious.

My sister is kindly donating her old sofa and dining table to me as she is getting a new sofa and dining set. I need to get a man and a van to get it to my house and I need to declutter the living room before it arrives and figure out some chairs for the table as it's a small circular black glass table and the chairs she has are a bit worse for wear. If I can't find decent chairs then I'll just leave it, as focus on sorting the sofa. As I rarely sit at my dining table and the one I have now has gone down to one chair and rocks a bit, but it wouldn't kill me to keep it for a couple of months longer.