The Mental Debt Struggle...

in_need_of_direction

Would you borrow the money to help DS’s career progression?

Keedie

Well my mum graciously lent me the money for the course, well the majority of it anyways. She lent me £2,750 and I had to find the remaining £46.50 to make up the course fees of £2,796.50. But then... I just didn't enrol.

I thought about the comments you guys kindly left me, and the conversations that I had with my siblings, my mum and my son and I realised that a discount isn't the issue. Yes, I'd love to save some money on something that I will be doing anyways, but I realised it was a time cost issue. Time is my most expensive resource at present. I'll survive for a little while without working. And I can always make more money. I can always work on getting debt free. I'll eventually change careers and become a bookkeeper. But I can't claw back time...

I've sleepwalked on auto pilot in a job that I detested, just so that I could pay my bills and keep a stable income and routine. And I'm not ready to work again. Not just yet. And the reality is that the bookkeeping is to set me up to return to work or become self employed. And I'm not ready to think about work just yet. So I've accepted that the course is right, but the timing is wrong. So I have returned the money to my mum and thanked her for her generosity. She said the offer is still there if I need it, when I am ready. So I am grateful for that. Maybe by Black Friday when I know they'll have a similarly priced sale, I'll be in the right frame of mind to study. 

It would be hanging over me as time ticks down if I enrol now. And so I'm just going to continue to have no firm plans for the foreseeable future and continue to plod on with clearing my flat to redecorate it and then figure out my next move. I'd like to find my creativity again. I have not been able to write in a very long time. So I'm going to concentrate on trying to get back to being me, after all the trauma from the last few years. When I am in a stronger and more creative position, then I can study in preparation to going back into the workforce in whatever capacity that may be...

Budget wise, I'm a bit screwed. I'm grateful that I've tracked everything on that Etsy spreadsheet, because I went seriously over budget. I need to have a long hard think about what I'm going to do. It's been a combination of overspending in Brighton, eating out and wasting money on food and unbudgeted spends like clothes etc. I won't have the luxury of an employed income to help me. So I have to definitely get on top of things. I think I have been spending to fill a void that needs to be examined objectively. There's always so much mental work to be done when it comes to the handling of money... 🤔.

Makingabobor2

Sensible decision I think. None of us know how much time we have left, and we need to make the most of it? 
Have you ever considered writing a sort of memoir/autobigraphy/self help book? Something to explain to others, the trials that you have bern through, and how you coped? You know you are creative & I'm sure you could do it. 

in_need_of_direction

Well done on making the right for now decision.

PennysIntoPounds

Sounds like the right decision, if you're not in an 'up and at 'em' mood, no point spending money on an 'up and at 'em' project, discounted or not!

Keedie

I woke up feeling a lot better about where I am in life at the moment as I didn't rush to do the course. I feel like a weight has been lifted off me, so it was definitely the right decision for now as you say @in_need_of_direction. And no, @PennysIntoPounds, I'm far removed from a an 'up and at em' mindframe at the moment 🥴🤣.

I have actually recently brought The Secret @Makingabobor2 with the Amazon voucher that I got for Christmas. It's on my list of things I need to sit down and read. I find it a bit difficult to read physical books as my brain and eyes have been trained to read on a screen as I use the Kindle app on my iPad. But for non-fiction, I like to underline things and put sticky tabs for things that are important to me. So I've got to get on that.

As for writing a book about my experiences, I don't think my life is interesting enough for an autobiography or memoir😂. But I have considered writing a blog, which I guess kind of leans into the self-help side of things. I've learnt a lot about juggling things as I've had to be very resourceful. Maybe it will be of interest to people to read about it. I've been a bit shy about giving my advice or opinion, as I know my circumstances are not always in keeping with other people. I prattle on with things in my MSE diary, but I've no clue how many people read it or if a blog/articles would help others 🤷🏾‍♀️.

I forgot to say that Barclaycard annoyed me as my statements have disappeared from my online account and I made a complaint. This happened in the app in 2022, where every statement from February 2019 just disappeared and I complained and they did nothing. But I could view everything on the website so I let it go. When the statements disappeared from February 2019 on the website as well, I complained again. Told them in no uncertain terms that they need to fix it and compensate me as I complained from June to August 2022 and then let it go, but I am not happy now. At all. Took them weeks to look into it, but eventually some dude called me the other day and said that there is a known issue as they changed some kind of server and it has impacted multiple people but they are trying to resolve it. I explained that was the same fob off they gave me years ago and the situation has deteriorated since then.

Anyways, he's sending me paper copies of all my missing statements and gave me £100 compensation which he credited to my Barclaycard account. So that's shaved another £100 off my debt. I just checked the balance in the app (which always worked) and I can see that I now owe £5,050 as the compensation has been processed. So that means that by the time my direct debit of £75 comes out at the end of the month, I'll be under the £5k mark - yippeee! 🥳

beanielou

Good news on the compensation & the balance going down. 

Makingabobor2

Oh good news on the B/card compensation.  We found they were pretty good years ago when we had a problem, took them a while, but we did get some good compensation in the end. 

I know what you mean about reading physical non fiction and underlining/highlighting, I often do that in some books.

PennysIntoPounds

Great news about the compo, and being so near to sub 5k!

Sun_Addict

Just caught up with you and you made the right decision stepping back from the course for now. You can pick it up again when you’re ready. 

Great news about the compensation and that you’ll soon be under £5k. 

My DD is a gamer like your DS although she’s working so pays for it all out of her own money thankfully. 

I think you’d be brilliant at writing a blog to help people in a similar situation to you.