The Mental Debt Struggle...

Sun_Addict

Thank goodness the careless leaving on of the oven wasn’t as expensive as you feared. 

What a cute little purse 🙂

Is the flare up connected with worrying about the oven and delayed work related stress? Anyway I hope you feel better soon Keedie x

Cherryfudge

I was wondering if the flare up was a kick-back from stopping work? Part of taking the pressure off yourself, but your body took it too far, a bit like getting ill on days off? I don't know, but I really hope you feel better soon.

Those are nifty little wallets. As you say, the small things.  

Humdinger1

@Keedie it sounds like something was ensuring that you got to the meeting in your old office just at the moment when you could max out your contribution! So cathartic to hear what everyone was saying and even more that it was being taken so seriously.   Standing by for news of a restructure; they may even invite you back on a consultancy basis for the process.   As ever, you are incredibly impressive.   Love Humdinger xx 

Cherryfudge

Just caught up on your first post of 14th, which I'd inadvertently skipped - good that your son was okay though scary to have a stabbing nearby.

Amazing timing on the meeting! I do hope it's a positive for those still there.

And that's a relief about the gas. 

Keedie

Yes @Sun_Addict, I'm glad that oven situation wasn't so dire after all 🤗. I do kinda have a tendency to overact 😬. And yes, this purse is just perfect. It's definitely the small things in life @Cherryfudge.

I think the flare up is because I've been on edge for so long, and it's like my mind has realised that I'm actually able to relax now. It is like getting sick on days off Cherryfudge. I started to unwind in Brighton, and by the time I came home I was very mentally refreshed but physically exhausted. 

The timing for me attending that meeting was definitely chef's kiss @Humdinger1 and cathartic. The universe conspired for me to have a seat at that table right on time.

The stabbing my son's college was definitely scary @Cherryfudge because it was an unprovoked attack by a member of the public as the poor boy was going into the college. But the updates from the college that we get via email states that he is doing well recovery wise and the police are investigating. I often wonder what being a teenager in London during these times does to children psychologically. Because my son said that it was sad what happened, but he didn't find the incident scary as he hears about and sees so many things that would probably give me a heart attack. He told me that you learn from a young age how to read your environment and how to trust your instincts, but sometimes you can just be in the wrong place at the wrong time. Or if you're really unlucky, you can be a victim of mistaken identity. He said it's scary, but he can't focus on the fear or he'll be on edge and that can lead you inadvertently into more danger as someone may assume you're suspicious. He doesn't belong to any gangs, he's not affiliated with any of them, he keeps to himself and his very small circle of friends. When he's walking around with his headphones he has one side away from his ear and the volume on very low so he's aware of his surroundings. He doesn't walk in certain areas and at certain times of night. That's an exhausting way to live/survive. And we don't even live in a bad area!

My son has been trying to sell his old games and games to make some money. He spent all day yesterday wiping and then updating the PS4 and Xbox One as he put them back to factory reset mode. We went to Computer Exchange and they wouldn't take either console! The PS4 because it had a third party warranty sticker (as it had to be repaired which invalidated the original warranty and impacted resale value - lesson learned there).

The Xbox they wouldn't take as the controller had 'stick drift' on one of the buttons which means it can lag and have micro movements of its own volition which would impact the gaming experience 🤷🏾‍♀️. So we bopped to my sister's house and her youngest son, my Hot Chocolate Nephew gave my son another Xbox controller, which he was hoping would work and we can then go back to CEX today and see if he can get the full £70 for it. Problem is, there is no back cover to the controller where the battery sits as my nephew couldn't find it, and the one my son has doesn't fit it, as this controller is newer than the one he had. It's amazing how expensive they are to buy and how low the value is for resale. We'll have to try and sell the PS4 online and mention that it has been repaired in the past so people know what they're getting. And see if we can sell the Xbox One online as well, with both controllers but pointing out the issues with each.

I shudder to think how much has been spent on consoles and gaming in his lifetime... he's had a Nintendo Wii, Nintendo DS (that was stolen by that man and his son in Butlins), and was replaced with a Sony PSP - which of course then meant all new games as his DS holder was brimming with games and a couple were his cousins that he was borrowing and I had to replace them too.

At that time he also had an Xbox 360, then moved onto an Xbox One, only to realise all his friends were on Playstation and he couldn't play cross network. But the XBox time was a long one, as it was good going until he got scammed by some man who pretended to be his friend and stole his account and the credit on there (I had just paid for a year's Xbox Live Gold for £50 and given him about £50 credit to treat himself as he had done well at school...🤦🏾‍♀️). That got reported to the police, but he had to wipe his Xbox and create a new account as he was locked out of it, and so he had lost all of his progress of YEARS worth of grinding and all the pocket money he had sunk into upgrades. He got really depressed about it, and lockdown hit at the same time and I could see he was struggling so he got a PS4 Slim and within 2 weeks my dad died, so he clung to that gaming console even more. Then everyone eventually upgraded and he got the PS5 also.

He's also had an iPod Touch back in the day when that was a thing, a Samsung tablet, an iPad, a Lenovo notebook and now he has his Macbook Air. I reckon this is all easily £10k including gaming subscriptions, games for each console, repairs to consoles and not to mention numerous headsets which die easily, the controllers which break. Plus the small fortune spent on batteries before we realised that controller docking stations existed and could recharge the controllers. Which of course required different controllers 🙄.

And look at that, we can't even sell the old consoles easily. It's really annoying. And I don't even want to think of how much has been spent on football... training kits, match kits, socks, shin pads, stud boots, astro turf boots, futsal trainers, padded goalkeeper shorts and trousers, thermal base layers, football training, football and multi-sports holiday clubs. Plus subs for matches etc. Then there was the craze of getting your initials on the trainers (for an extra £5 of course). And he had to have specific goalkeeper gloves with enough padded protection. He duped me into thinking that he needed some spray that gave better grip on the ball - no it didn't, but it eroded the gloves nicely so they needed replacing quicker - took us a while to work out that it was all marketing and at £40-£60 for gloves, it was an expensive lesson 🤦🏾‍♀️😂.

Then there was the Euros and World Cup sticker books that were sold on Amazon and in Tesco and I was constantly being harassed by my son and nephews to get them the Match Attax stickers, and then they'd get all forlorn when they had duplicates or 'dead players' (not as in deceased, but 'rubbish' apparently 🤷🏾‍♀️). The cost of going to stadium tours and to watch football matches. The football bedding, lampshades, coat rack, footballs from every country we've been to, obsessions with football kits of his favourite players. 

Not to mention, petrol, petrol, petrol... I've driven all around London and the M25 taking him and my 3 nephews to football and deep into Kent and up to Watford and other places. My son was in football training 3-4 times a week, plus matches on Saturdays and Sundays. I did some serious mileage in our old Honda Jazz, and I was working full time back then. I used to wear trainers to work, and as soon as I finished I would literally run down two flights of stairs and across the road to my car which was facing the right direction to get them from school as I did a time saving 3 point turn every morning. We'd be running from after school club to football training and he'd have a light snack on the way. He'd had changed into his football kit in the toilet at school right at the end and we'd always be running from one place to the next. I've probably spent a small house deposit on football and sports related things.

The ironic thing is that I still don't understand gaming. Or football. But I know what makes my son irrationally happy. And that's priceless really...

Makingabobor2

It does seem to be increasingly hard to sell 2nd hand items these days. People seem to just want you to give them away on the freebie pages.  I advertised a  toastie sandwich maker that is hardly used and only wanted £5 for it, but no one is interested. But if I put it on the free page they would all probably snap my hand off for it.  Although I love to help those who genuinely need it, I do begrudge just giving things away to people who could easily afford to buy things. I think selling and buying 2nd hand should be the normal thing to do and buying brand new should be only if all else fails.  I think the shops like CEX etc have actually made it harder for people to trade in 2nd hand these days.  I took an old camera once and was offered £5, sold it online for £15!   Anyway, good luck to your son in selling his stuff. 

Cherryfudge

That's a huge amount poured into the games! On the other hand many hours of enjoyment...  And your son seems very level-headed about street violence, but I agree, it's tragic. 

I don't know how long it could take for you to get over your exhaustion, but does it help to think of it as healing time? In which case, it's an investment in your future.

Keedie

Yes it really is a hard slogs shifting second hand goods, especially electricals these days @Makingabobor2. I think we have such an upgrade culture that things are becoming 'old' really quickly. And that pushes the value down. But you're right about people wanting freebies. 

Today we managed to sell his Xbox 360 and about 15 games for £41.54, it was £30 for the console and £11.54 for the games. I dunno what they will resell it for, but they're clearly going to make a profit. I was a bit sad to see his childhood being sold off, but grateful that things are being cleared. He's set up an eBay account for the PS4 and the Xbox One.

I was glad that CEX takes DVDs as well, because there is a whole stack of them in the TV unit that needs to be shifted. Some of them are box sets as well. So I need to start decluttering those and seeing what I can get for them. I think I'm going to see if I can £500 from reselling items this year. I can then use that next year as my guilt free treats money. And the added bonus would be a fully decluttered flat.

And yes @Cherryfudge, it is an extortionate amount to be spent on games. He's probably spent 1000s of hours over the years gaming and playing football. I spend probably about 1,000-1,200 hours a year reading, as that's my passion. 

My son does have a level head on his shoulders, but I still worry every time he leaves the house. So many people fall into situations that are dangerous and not of their own making. So you can never be too careful. He thinks I worry too much, but when he's a parent he'll understand. 

I've finally figured out my financial goals for 2025, that are stretch goals, but still realistic. So I'll do my first Sunday Summary of the year today. They were keeping me on track, so they definitely need to make a comeback. 

Keedie

I forgot to say Cherryfudge, that seeing the exhaustion as healing time is a great tip, so thank you. Reframing it is much less frustrating... 🥰.

Keedie

THE SUNDAY SUMMARY

(Week 3 ~ 19 January 2025)

Debt Regrets

Goal 1 - 100% repayment to Argos Card - due 30 April 2025
Progress Checker = £25/£175 (14.29% repaid)
This is actually due by 14 June 2025, but I need it gone ASAP so that I can concentrate on Barclaycard Plan 1.

Goal 2 - Clear Barclaycard Plan 1 (£1,506.20) - due by 31 October 2025

Progress Checker = £0/£1,506.20 (0% repaid)
My direct debit for Barclaycard is set at a fixed amount of £75 for January 2025. I will need to reduce this to £70 a month from February 2025, but I will be completing savings challenges to add to this once the Argos Card is cleared. 

Goal 3 - Pay £2,500 off my overall debt balance in 2025 - due by 31 December 2025
Progress checker = £25/£2,500 (1% repaid)
The only debt payment I have made so far in 2025 was the £25 paid to the Argos Card. My MBNA fixed payment of £50 is due in this coming week, and then from February 2025 it will reduce to £30 a month. So Barclaycard at £70 and MBNA at £30 will be £100 a month in fixed payments, which will be £1,100 from February 2025 to December 2025. Plus £150 debt repayments in January 2025, and the remaining £150 to Argos Card will be a total of £1,400/£2,500 of my goal. So I'll need to get my hustle on to sort out the remaining £1,100.

Saving Grace

Goal 1 - Build a Buffer of £250 - due by 28 February 2025
Progress Checker = £0/£250 (0% saved)
My budget is fairly rigid in order for me to achieve the goals that I have set. But I feel like I need a mini safety net in case life happens with an unexpected expense or the budget goes skew-whiff for some reason, but is is not actually an emergency. My Help to Save bonus of £600 is due by mid-February 2025, so once it comes through, £250 will go straight into this buffer hence the due date for so much money is next month.

Goal 2 - Save £1,000 emergency fund - due by 31 December 2025
Progress Checker = £43.85/£500 (4.39% saved)
I had to sort out some personal stuff, so this went down by £100 in the last few weeks. But the budget has been rejigged to pay it back, and the Help to Save money will go in here as well to give it a boost. 

Goal 3 - Save £750 for 2026 Subscriptions - due by 31 December 2025
Progress Checker = £0/£750 (0% saved)
I was able to fund all of our subscriptions upfront for 2025 and it has been so refreshing, as we're able to enjoy our hobbies and entertainment streaming irrespective of my income this year. Ideally I'd like to be able to do the same for 2026. This is split into fixed subscriptions (set due dates) and aspiration funded subscriptions (a year's worth upfront). The overall amount is £730 but I have rounded up in case any of the subscriptions increase.

• 3.1 Fixed ~ EA Access = £0/£40 (0% saved)
• 3.2 Fixed ~ Amazon Prime = £0/£95 (0% saved)
• 3.3 Fixed ~ Apple Care = £0/£85 (0% saved)
• 3.4 Fixed ~ Playstation Plus = £0/£60 (0% saved)
• 3.5 Aspirational ~ Kindle Unlimited = £0/£120 (0% saved)
• 3.6 Aspirational ~ Crunchy Roll = £0/£60 (0% saved)
• 3.7 Aspirational ~ MGM+ = £0/£55 (0% saved)
• 3.8 Aspirational ~ Apple One = £0/£225 (0% saved)

Goal 4 - 50 Envelope Challenge (£1,275) - due by 31 December 2025
Progress Checker = 0/50 Envelopes = £0/£1,275 (20% saved)
I will complete this challenge by putting money I save from spare change challenges into the envelopes once I have converted the coins into notes. Also, any money from savings challenges (which I have budgeted for) will feed into this larger challenge once completed. Plus in the event that I am ever in receipt of an income in any given month that is higher than my set budget (like freelance earnings or money owed by my siblings), it will go towards savings challenges that will feed into this. Once completed, it will be used to fund any of my other goals that need more help and any leftovers will go towards 2026's sinking funds.

Goal 5 - Penny Challenge (£667.95) - due by 7 January 2026
Progress Checker = £0.78/£667.95 
This being done automatically via Monzo's Penny Challenge and they move each consecutive daily amount from my current account balance. This will be paid for by selling unwanted items, cashback, surveys, mystery shopping etc. There's £30.40 in the current account at the moment and I calculated that it will take me up to around 23 March 2025. So as long as I am getting on top of decluttering and selling items and start back on the surveys and stuff like that, this one should be a fairly painless saver.

Balancing the Budget

This section of my weekly check-in will focus on how I am preparing for the upcoming month, so that I can stay on track and be more successful in meeting my targets.

Income Tracker - £2,165 for February 2025's Budget
Progress Checker = £1,300/£2,165 (60.05% accumulated)
I've received weekly child benefit so far, my PIP, universal credit and had £23 rolled over from last month. I get my final pro-rata salary from my old employer on Friday 22 January 2025, which I estimate to be around £700 including annual leave that I was owed. There's also two more child benefit payments due before the end of January, and with my estimated salary, that would put me at £2,150. If I don't make the full amount needed, I will just tweak the budget. If the freelance money comes in and I've met the budget target, then I'll roll any surplus into March 2025's budget. Once the increased bills like rent, water, council tax etc are available, I'll be able to work out the budget from April 2025.  

Freely Debt Savings - £0 Goal for February 2025
Progress Checker = £0/£0 (0% saved)
There isn't going to be any surplus money for the coming months that can be freely used. Anything above my fixed budget, due to receiving money from siblings and earning freelance income, will all be rolled into the following monthly budget until I am sure that I have got my sums right in terms of projected income and expenses.