The Mental Debt Struggle...

in_need_of_direction

I think breaking it down to mini projects is good as it means you can align your invoicing to the conclusion of each one.  Make sure you factor in the need for full cost recovery including increased power, etc. it’s too easy to shortchange yourself when it’s work that you want. Equally it can sometimes be worth taking a hit on income to gain a strong reference site. Feel free to message if you’d like a sounding board.

Makingabobor2

Well done on the freelance work. I know it wasn't what you had planned, but I think it will do you good and as you are working at home and being your own boss, could be just what you need.  

AntoMac

Thanks for all the info re the bipolar group Keedie. Plenty for me to process and think about.
How exciting that you’ve got some freelance work which you can do at a time to suit you. Already proving that there’s life outside of your old job. 

Keedie

Thank you very much @in_need_of_direction, I'll definitely message you. I just need to get my head around things a bit so that I don't waste your time asking nonsense questions 😬🤦🏾‍♀️. But mini projects is definitely where I'm leaning, in terms of invoicing and also to keep the overwhelm down. 

I brought a new pots and pan set that was on sale at Ninja. I think I've made a bit of a mistake. They're incredibly well made, but they're heavy. My poor little wrists and arms weren't very impressed with my spending spree. My son had a feel of them and said that they're heavier than the set we've always had (right back to my hostel days in 2007 before we were housed), but they're good pans. He said that these handles have better grip and it might help me to hold them with both hands and that the handles on the other set were wobbly as they're so old. I'm excited to have new pans after so long, and a wok that isn't peeling at the bottom and food getting stuck to it. But I'm nervous. I've never had something so nice before. But I'm hoping that as I've been cooking more, having a set that is easy to clean, that comes with a 10 year guarantee and requires little oil will all be worth it. My mum was excited about the saute pan when I showed her the set online when she stayed with me last weekend. She encouraged me to buy it, and was very proud when I got a code to get an additional 10% of the sale price. She's so frugal she was beaming with pride for me 😂.

I need to go to Lidl and do some shopping. But I need to sit and do some kind of meal plan first. We just had take away for dinner tonight and I'll figure out what we're eating this week and will do the shopping tomorrow. I'm feeling a bit lazy today. I'm still recovering from all that walking on Friday. So I've not done much today.

Keedie

You're welcome for the bipolar info @AntoMac, hopefully it helps you and your cousin. 

And yes, I'm excited about the freelance work @Makingabobor2, it's definitely a better position to be in rather than employed. I feel free. Still stressed because sometimes life will just be life-ing. Plus I'm still always knackered and in pain and my bipolar brain likes to play tricks on me. But now I can attempt to regulate myself without the complication of working.

Cherryfudge

I know it's possible to get a stand for a kettle that saves you having to lift it to pout, it just tips, but in a stable way (search 'kettle tipper). I wonder if there's something similar for pots and pans? Or if not, even things like slotted spoons which could save you having to lift too much.

Keedie

THE SUNDAY SUMMARY

(Week 8 ~ 23 February 2025)

Debt Regrets

I'm officially 🥳💃🏽🎉 DEBT FREE! 🎉💃🏽🥳!!!

My life changing good news from a few weeks ago has come to fruition 🤗. I have been extremely fortunate to receive a financial gift of £10,000 from a family member due to a change in their circumstances and lifestyle. I wrestled with the idea of clearing my debts or having savings as I am unemployed. To clear my debts felt like cheating as I would not have 'earned' the achievement of becoming debt free, and that made me feel uncomfortable. So I considered halving it from £8,000 to £4,000, and having some savings, but still chipping away at the debt.

But then I realised that I've been given a golden opportunity. I have been in debt for my whole adult life since 18 and struggling to survive on pot noodles at uni. Then I worked and didn't manage my money very well and when I finally decided to get my act together, I was a pregnant single mother. That's 25 YEARS of payments, interest, balance transfers and an obligation to keep paying irrespective of income, working status or mental functionality. So I figured, 'f**k it', I can finally be debt free and use that money towards building savings at a pace that suits me. So that's what I did! I still feel like I used a cheat code, and I'm still coming to terms with being on a financial marathon and the goal post just shifted and I've suddenly stopped grinding towards an end goal and I feel a bit untethered. It's very daunting, but empowering. I will probably always struggle with impulsive spending (thanks hypomanic bipolar episodes). I will still have financial anxiety and insecurities, as the fact is, I'm still unemployed and whilst I may not have a debt problem at the moment (you never know what can happen in life so I could accrue debt for some unforeseen circumstance), but I still have an income issue. So I need to still find a balance. But ultimately, I feel like I am entering a new chapter in life... 

This forum has been invaluable to helping me to change my financial mindset and I have learnt so much. This diary has allowed me to feel connected to others whilst taking accountability and documenting my ramblings 😂. Thank you all for all of your cheerleading, support, words of wisdom and encouragement. I would not have been able to do this without having this resource. It's been life changing. Excuse the length of this post, but I was so giddy with excitement, I took some screenshots to share with you all. Although my debts were paid on 9 February 2025, I have put today's date as my achievement date. As it took a couple of days for my credit card balances to be updated. But most importantly, today is the first day that I have woken up and not felt incredibly anxious about everything and whether or not I have made the right decision financially. So today feels like a fresh start of sorts.

Goal 1 - 100% repayment to Argos Card - due 30 April 2025
🎉 Achievement Date = 7 February 2025 🎉

Goal 2 - Clear Barclaycard Plan 1 (£1,506.20) - due by 31 October 2025

🎉 Achievement Date = 23 February 2025 🎉

Goal 3 - Pay £750 off my MBNA balance in 2025 - due by 31 December 2025
🎉 Achievement Date = 23 February 2025 🎉

Goal 4 - Pay £2,500 off my overall debt balance in 2025 - due by 31 December 2025
🎉 Achievement Date = 23 February 2025 🎉

Saving Grace

Goal 1 - Build a Buffer of £250 - due by 30 April 2025
Progress Checker = £0/£250 (0% saved) ⛔️ ON HOLD ⛔️
I'm not 100% sure if this is still a thing, I feel like it should be, but for now it is still on hold.

Goal 2 - Save £1,000 emergency fund - due by 31 December 2025
Progress Checker = £600/£1,000 (60% saved)
It took a little while, but I had a lightbulb moment this week and realised that whilst all of the savings I needed was not sitting in the Natwest Digital Saver, the rest of my Help to Save bonus is in Natwest. The entire amount is my emergency fund. Some is just earning more interest than other bits, so I am 60% of the way to the goal and not 15% (£150 is in the Digital Saver). So I'm happy with that.

Goal 3 - Save £750 for 2026 Subscriptions - due by 31 December 2025
Progress Checker = £0/£750 (0% saved) ⛔️ ON HOLD ⛔️
In a few weeks when all the 2025/26 bills increase have come through from the utility companies and the council has decided my rent, I'll be able to have a plan for saving for these.
This goal is split into fixed subscriptions (set due dates) and aspiration funded subscriptions (a year's worth upfront). The overall amount is £730 but I have rounded up in case any of the subscriptions increase.

• 3.1 Fixed ~ EA Access = £0/£40 (0% saved)
• 3.2 Fixed ~ Amazon Prime = £0/£95 (0% saved)
• 3.3 Fixed ~ Apple Care = £0/£85 (0% saved)
• 3.4 Fixed ~ Playstation Plus = £0/£60 (0% saved)
• 3.5 Aspirational ~ Kindle Unlimited = £0/£120 (0% saved)
• 3.6 Aspirational ~ Crunchy Roll = £0/£60 (0% saved)
• 3.7 Aspirational ~ MGM+ = £0/£55 (0% saved)
• 3.8 Aspirational ~ Apple One = £0/£225 (0% saved)

Goal 4 - 50 Envelope Challenge (£1,275) - due by 31 December 2025
Progress Checker = 0/50 Envelopes = £0/£1,275 (0% saved) ⛔️ ON HOLD ⛔️
I've nearly finished designing my 50 envelope challenge, I just need to get a better handle on the envelope sizing to go in my savings binder. I've got some money set aside for this, but I've not officially started it yet. But I will start this next month and see what I have in the budget left over once the increases bills are taken into account.

Goal 5 - Penny Challenge (£667.95) - due by 7 January 2026
Progress Checker = £11.28/£667.95 (up by £3.08 since last week)
This is being done automatically via Monzo's Penny Challenge and they move each consecutive daily amount from my current account balance. Today's amount was £0.47 so things are stepping up. It will be just under £15 by this time next week. 

Balancing the Budget

This section of my weekly check-in will focus on how I am preparing for the upcoming month, so that I can stay on track and be more successful in meeting my targets.

Income Tracker - £2,100 for March 2025's Budget
🎉 Achievement Date = 8 February 2025 🎉
Income Tracker - £2,100 for April 2025's Budget
Progress Checker = £0/£2,200 (0% accumulated)
I had to use the money that I'd set aside towards April's budget, so that progress has been wiped out 😬. But there's still time for me to get on track and the freelance money is coming through this week, so that's going to be helpful. I've also disregarded sinking funds for now, so the budget is £2,100 and not £2,200. And that gives me more breathing room each month as well.

Freely Debt Savings - £0 Goal
Progress Checker = £0/£0 (0% saved) ⛔️ ON HOLD ⛔️
This is not likely to happen in 2025, unless I stick to a smaller budget (which isn't always easy with my lack of discipline) and then accumulate any surplus I may have in a few month's time.

Keedie

Thanks for the suggestions @Cherryfudge, I'd not thought of utensils being a way to make things easier for me when cooking. But I'll look into options. My son said he'll help me move things around as I'm getting used to the difference in weight etc.

My East London sister has some anti fatigue mats in her kitchen which are really nice to stand on. So I think I need to get something similar, so that when I am standing in the kitchen there is less pressure on my feet. As my perching stool can be awkward, because it doesn't have a footrest and I can't tuck myself closer to the cooker. So I have to stand most of the time, and it gets a bit draining.

I need to do a refreshed AWE List (Adaptations, Wellbeing and Equipment) as my needs have changed and some things I've been able to cross off already, like a folding walking stick with a gel like comfort handle. My ex-Sister-in-law has said she's found some good stuff on Temu, so I'll check them out and see if there's any ideas for cooking stuff as well. I find that the retailers geared towards disabled people and adaptations tend to be unnecessarily expensive for some things. So I will take inspiration from those sites and then find it cheaper elsewhere when I can.

Debsnewbudget

so pleased you are debt free. X

Keedie

Thanks @Debsnewbudget. I think I definitely made the right decision to prioritise debt over savings.