The Mental Debt Struggle...

Sarahwithlove

That's great news about the refund it's about time. 

I still have my fan on at the moment all the time and keep turning it off but then get too warm after 5 minutes. So frustrating but need to keep cool I suppose. Never happy with the weather us brits! 

Aimingforthegoodlife

Hi Keedie! I am so amazed by your resilience and your kindness, your diary has been a rollercoaster read and all throughout you have steadfastly stuck to what is important to you! I have no doubt that you will smash this debt, even if the journey isn't linear, as it so often isn't! Your good parenting clearly comes from your loving parents, I will be checking in regularly!

AntoMac

Hooray for the refund - Nice to have a trip away (with your money saving railcard!) to look forward to as well 
What a relief that the really hot weather has broken, although it’s still very muggy here in Somerset. Looking forward to a cold cider or two tonight. 
@Aimingforthegoodlife makes a good point. Your journey won’t be linear but you WILL get there. I’m sure with your life experiences you know that there will be ups and downs to come. Keep remembering you’re going in the right direction and you’ve already achieved a lot.

Keedie

Evening everyone,

Yes @Sarahwithlove us Brits are never weather happy, but I think a whinge about the weather tends to bonds us as well at times ! 😂

I'm very pleased with the refund, so I'm just going to see what pops up on Friday in the Parent Pay account and take it from there. My memory is fuzzy at the moment as I'm having a fibromyalgia flare up because of the heat and recovering from all of last week's driving. So apologies if I'm just prattling on repeat, but I signed up to Prolific for the surveys as I was getting a bit jelly with how much everyone was making and being able to chuck at their debts, and so I'm on their waiting list. But in the meantime, I've done a few surveys with Panelbase and have £3 cleared and 5.85 pending and when this all eventually hits £10 I'll be able to withdraw it and it'll get paid into my bank account and I can it to the PAD pot.

Thank you so much @Aimingforthegoodlife for checking in, reading my diary and saying such kind words, I really do appreciate it! You're absolutely right, the journey isn't linear and it took a long time to come to terms with adding to my debt, and the circumstances that has led to this point, but I'm at peace with it now. I don't think I'm a very good parent, but I definitely had great parents and so I'm trying my best to pass on what I experienced. I'm a very focussed person, but in being a planner, I often tend to overthink things and the anxiety of it all drives me crazy! But I keep picturing a life free of debt, and what that means for my mental health and the lifestyle I'll be able to live and what that means for my son's future and that's what pushes me.

We had a meeting today with the Young Adult Carers for my local authority as my son has moved up to the young adult category for 15-21/25 year olds, and we were talking about his homeschooling. The lady we met with was also homeschooled and grew up in Blackpool which was interesting as we were talking about all of the things we did on holiday last week. When we were talking about the online school, I was secretly doing jazz hands cartwheels and backflips inside. As my son actually admitted that what he has now is much better than lockdown learning/homeschooling and that his old school was disorganised because they were unprepared and doing lessons became practically optional but this school is very organised and has a proper timetable and the biggest issue is the social aspect. I was elated but tried to maintain my composure, as he said referred to his old school as just that, the 'old' school, and this one as his 'new school'.  And that he actually had something positive to say. He seems to have turned a corner about his mindset towards online learning and his situation in general, and I think although I've still got a serious battle on my hands in terms of sustained motivation and outputs, it feels like there's light at the end of the tunnel.

Would you believe @AntoMac I've managed to squeeze two upcoming trips to see the same set of friends, one just for the day which requires driving to Thetford Forest and the other for the weekend in Norfolk. For the day trip as we're meeting for the kids to run around and play, I'm going to invite myself to stay at my sisters in East London as it's a shorter drive from there and if she comes with me with her kids, then we can share the driving. But I'm looking forward to my little railcard hitting my letterbox next week so that I can start looking at trains for September. Yay me 🤗.

Keedie

I've got a long day today as I have to do a bit of work for my employed job as I didn't complete all my hours this week due to my son's appointments, so I have to drag myself out of bed for that at some point. I was meant to log onto work this morning but I'm so tired I'll have to do it this afternoon instead. 

Paid £50 fixed direct debit to MBNA so that's now 33.04% repaid. The minimum is £25 a month, but I'll need a balance transfer for my Barclaycard next year, so I need to get the balance for MBNA low and keep it at a level to get a good balance transfer around Easter 2023.

A lady from the care agency is coming today to do a review of the support that I receive, and I'm not really in the mood to see anyone to be honest, but at least they're finally getting the details/instructions for the carers to match my actual care plan. So wish me luck that this lady actually gets it right, as the last time they interpreted my need for help with shopping as a domestic task and the last carer refused to help me with shopping as it wasn't on her list of things to do. And I live on the top floor (3rd floor) of a small block of flats, with no lift. It's been tough going that's for sure... 🤦🏾‍♀️.

beanielou

Hope that it is helpful today.

AntoMac

Sounds like today had the potential to be quite a slog Keedie. Sometimes these days turn out to be not as bad as we thought. Hope that was the case today

LittleMissDetermined

Hope it’s all gone ok with the care review and that you’re feeling ok? 

Great news on your son’s mindset, that’s hugely positive x

Keedie

Thanks for checking in @beanielou, @AntoMac and @LittleMissDetermined. Today turned out to be a lot better than I thought it would be, so I'm happy with that. 

The review with the care agency took about 4 hours of going through an incredibly long risk assessment form, and my back was killing me and my brain fog was sabotaging me today so it was very slow going. But she fully understood my needs and where the agency had made errors beforehand and I showed her my original care plan and pointed out all that was missing. I pointed out that the main point of my care plan was to have help with domestic tasks (cleaning, laundry etc), food shopping and help with meal preparation to help with batch cooking and cooking light meals.

For 18 months, I've had nothing but domestic support which was great, but in reality a fraction of what I needed. All because someone at their agency used their discretion and decided that they wouldn't include the shopping and help with food, despite the care plan saying that was an area of significant need. It's been a battle for the agency to admit that they were wrong and they refused to change it unless there was an increase in the care plan if I wanted 'extra' support. Of course social services refused to offer more hours and wanted to do a series of reviews and so I've been caught in between their assessments, paperwork and meetings for the last few months, but things are a lot better now.

So we've come up with a new way of managing my 4 hours a week of care. Mondays will be 1 hour for food shopping and 30 minutes for meal preparation followed by 1 hour of domestic duties. Then on Thursday, it will be 1 hour domestic followed by 30 minutes meal preparation. The new carer is lovely and so I'm hoping that things will work out with a new plan and with the agency properly understanding what is needed 👍🏾.

Today also ended up being a very spendy but unexpectedly happy evening, as my friend called me out of the blue and said that she was out for drinks as it was the last day of term (she works in a school) and she was Revolutions down the road so I went to out and it was fun. Had a strict budget and only brought in the happy hour cocktails 2 for £10 and at 16:58, managed to sneak in a lunch deal that ended at 17:00, with a really filling halloumi and avocado wrap and soft drink for £8.50. Wasn't expecting to spend, but I felt so much lighter for having gone out and been spontaneous for once 🤗.

beanielou

A good day all round then