The Mental Debt Struggle...

Keedie

I feel so hot that I've got a constant headache and I really appreciate the fact that I've got ice lollies and ice cream in the freezer! I don't think my waistline will appreciate it so much though - oops 😂.

My cost of living crises grant came through, so I claimed it early though my Monzo app (was not going to keep doing that 🤦🏾‍♀️ but I have extenuating circumstances as an excuse this time). I split the £326 differently than I initially planned as I gave £86 to one of my sisters as she's really struggling at the moment and there was an error in her universal credits for the qualifying period 26 April to 25 May, as her agency rolled up her earnings and she got a nil award so I don't she's going to get a grant at all. I also gave £40 to one of my friends who is struggling with 3 kids as she is off sick at the moment and her wages have dropped dramatically and summer is the most expensive time with kids.

We're all single parents and I know what that struggle is like, and so I've helped them as much as I've been able to with my own budgeting issues. The grant is life-changing, but I know I'm not the only one struggling and so I've tried to change the life of others, as they've been there for me in my lowest and darkest times.

I put £50 into my emergency fund as I think my poor fridge freezer is slowly dying and I put £50 into my PAD pot in case I'm able to have any surplus funds at the end of the month. In which case I will split whatever is in that pot, between debt repayments (most likely Barclaycard as it has the highest balance) and building a surplus in my bills pot.

The remaining £100 will go towards whatever needs to be sorted for the car on Friday when it has its check at Halfords. At least the check is free 😁.

LittleMissDetermined

What a wonderfully kind thing to do, I hope all goes ok with the car on Friday x

AntoMac

That is some very kind sharing of your limited windfall Keedie. I don’t like making generalisations but I’ve found out in life that it is often those who have less that will be the most generous. My dad was one of six to a single mum and they really struggled to get by. In his adult years he was very generous to those in need as he knew what it was like to go without. 

Fingers crossed the car costs won’t be too high. I believe you get another similar grant in the not too distant future. That will come in handy.

Keedie

I think you're right @AntoMac, and it's not really that much of a generalisation in terms of the generosity of those who often have little. When you know the stress of counting pennies, wondering what you're going to feed your kids or deliberately eating less so that they have enough, or when you have to walk everywhere as you can't afford the bus and need to save for school shoes or go to a food bank, it's not something you would wish on your enemy. I think that's where the generosity comes from. Knowing that you would've been so grateful for the smallest bit of help or someone to talk to and offload with, or have a laugh about life, it forms a bond through hardship.

I'm the second youngest of 5 and we grew up with my mum as a housewife and my dad as a self-employed builder and I remember when that 90s recession hit, it was very tense financially but we had a great sense of community around us. My friend that I gave the money to is like family, as our parents were friends before we were born and we've always helped each other emotionally and if possible financially. I lent another childhood friend £350 earlier in the year as she was changing jobs and was facing a pro-rata salary and nearly 6 weeks before her new job's pay. It's embarrassing to ask when you know your friends are also single parents, but at the same time, you know what that stress is like. So I gave it to her without a second thought and just reworked my budget to accommodate it and she repaid me over a few months.

Sometimes, it's even just sharing shopping with neighbours if you have surplus or giving someone a lift to the supermarket so that they don't have to pay for delivery. It all helps, and knowing that both my sister and my friend slept a little easier tonight has comforted me about my own situation, as I think their temporary peace is worth more than my debt free journey at the moment. I could hear the tears in my sister's voice when she called me and told me that I'd accidentally sent her some money and not to worry that she's sending it straight back, and I told her that it was hers to keep. 

I think sometimes people see news articles or watch programmes about a negative stereotype of people that rely on benefits and don't realise that a lot of people are working exceptionally hard, but are just struggling for whatever reason. I know that if I didn't have my debt I would be in a better place mentally, but if I wasn't mentally and physically unwell, I wouldn't have the debt. Hopefully once it's all gone, I won't have to do so many part time jobs and be reliant on benefits and I'll be able to live a simpler life 😁.

And yes, I should hopefully get a second payment depending on what dates they do the qualifying period for. As I did a lot of freelancing this month to get my son's school fees together and so the more I earn the less help I get, so I'll just have to see. But yes, fingers crossed it won't be too expensive to fix the car, but if it's more than the £100 I've set aside then I'll have to take it out of the money I've set aside for the exam fees and build that back up by September. I forgot my son plays football when I was so eager to sell my car, and I don't know how we'd get around to all of his matches so I'm tying to see if I can get him into a league that is a bit closer or is more accessible on public transport as I really don't want to be driving for the foreseeable future.

Keedie

Morning all, hope you've managed to get some sleep despite it being as hot as oven last night. I've not had curtains since December and I'm really starting to regret that decision as my bed is near the window and so the sun comes right in. It does wonders for my mental health to wake up to natural sunlight, but I think in a heatwaveI need to rethink my strategy as there's nothing to block the heat 😂.

I've sent £6 to my PADding pot, as I received a £5 refund from my Parent Pay account as my son is no longer at his old school and I rounded down my account. I'm still chasing the school for the £13.71 that was in his dinner money account as the receptionist claims that she doesn't know how to process a refund 🙄 and I've told them to send me a cheque and they've gone suspiciously silent. So I need to keep chasing them, and when that comes through, it will go into my PADding pot.

Have a good day everyone x.

AntoMac

I think we see the World in a very similar way Keedie. It’s far to easy to judge people based on their circumstances. My Dad really understood how tough life could be (not his fault his father was killed when he was a baby) and put so much back when he was able to in his adult life. Would do anything for anyone, and did so much for people in need. I don’t want to hijack your diary but I think a big part of what made my Dad and his brothers such fine people was their struggles as children. Their Mum, my Grandmother, was an absolute hero in my eyes for the way she brought them up. I am lucky to have never really wanted for anything.
Although he’s long gone I try very much to live by his values and do things that would make him proud by my actions, rather than by my words.
Hopefully today is the last day of really hot weather, and things will be a bit more comfortable from tomorrow.
You’ve got some nice bits and bobs coming in, which all add up. Certainly don’t give up on that £13.71
Have a good day

LittleMissDetermined

Totally agree with you @AntoMac… I am a miner’s daughter and remember the strikes in the early 80’s when we relied on food parcels. We didn’t have much as kids but we didn’t go without.

Our local Supermarket recently had a food bank drive and I picked up 2 big bags of extra shopping to pop in. The lady seemed surprised at how much I was donating but as I explained to her, you never know when you’re going to need it yourself. Plus I remember being on the other end as a kid. My hubby used to work for a big manufacturer and often bought loads from the staff shop to take to the food bank.

LMD x

Sarahwithlove

I too grew up in a family where my parents struggled to make ends meet and was on WTC to top up wages. We never went without as kids as such but we never got the fancy holidays abroad or any clubs or extra lessons but I think that's made me a better more compassionate person. Times are hard but I know I'm in much better position than most. So i too applaud you for sharing your extra money there isn't many out there that will do the same 

Keedie

You're definitely not hijacking @AntoMac, it's so reassuring to be able to talk to other people and this forum is great for meeting people from all walks off life. I'd much rather learn about other people and have a conversation than just prattle on to myself, so you're more than welcome to 'hijack' away . And yes, I've written another email to the school and cc'd the Headteacher this time requesting a cheque or prompt payment. I've marked that £13.71 for my PAD pot, so they need to hurry up and process it.

Your dad sounds like he was an amazing man and your grandmother a truly inspirational woman. I find it hard as a single parent, but I think there is more understanding now and work opportunities etc than there used to be, and for that I am grateful. I also believe that our actions speak a lot about our character and intentions and I try to do what I can to live by the values that I was raised with and try to pass what I can onto my son. 

We didn't have much either @LittleMissDetermined and we received food parcels and the same at Christmas from the church and local community groups. My parents always said that it was for 'large families' as there were 7 of us in total including my parents, but as an adult I now think it's simply because we were poor and didn't have a lot at Christmas and in general. But I was so excited when the doorbell rang at Christmas and our Christmas presents pile increased lol. I remember that we also didn't have birthday parties every year. My eldest sister is autistic and we always had something for her as she wouldn't understand why it was her birthday and had no celebration, but none of us resented that, we just accepted it and waited until it was our 'year'. My mum had us split into two batches, my older sister and brother had their birthdays one year and the following year me and my younger sister had ours. It was such a standard thing, we just knew that when you turned an 'even' age you got a party with wider family and a couple of friends, other than that we just had a 'party' at home with the 7 of us. And if you got a party, you got a smaller present and vice versa. 

@Sarahwithlove our upbringing really does shape us doesn't it? A lot of my patience and compassion comes from growing up with limited money, a large family and a disabled sister back when society's prejudice and treatment of black people and disabled people was very hard. I find myself drawn to people that can be in a crowded room and drowning or anyone that seems a bit 'different' and I've made some lifelong friends via finding kindred spirits. 

My sister called me this morning and said that for the first time in a long time she woke up with a smile on her face and I was the first person on her mind as she was so touched by what I did. To me it was a no-brainer as we were always forced to share what we had when we were younger as there wasn't always a lot to go around, to the point where it became second nature to want us all be okay and for none of us to unnecessarily struggle. So as adults, we're incredibly close and talk to each other multiple times a day and we're always there to help each other in whatever capacity we can.

I need to make more of an effort with foodbanks (my mum tends to relieve me of my surplus items in the cupboards  ) but that's definitely something I want to do. My HR Director said that he volunteers at a soup kitchen initiative in central London, so that's something I've been thinking about as well. No one ever knows when they'll need help. And the sad reality is, the majority of people are probably living one pay day away from financial crises, as if it there was an issue and they suddenly didn't get paid, they'd be in dire straits. This has been made worse by the cost of living crisis. That's why I'm trying to get one month ahead with my budget. If I suddenly lost my income or was underpaid I don't know what I'd do. Scary thoughts  .

But on a brighter note, @shell16 has pointed me in the direction of a budgeting resource called the Clever Fox Budget Planner  and so I had a good look on Amazon and read some of the reviews and I'll be buying that when I get paid on Friday. I'll also be taking the advice to build 'family fun' into the budget so that I can create memories and still have a life whilst I get laser focussed on this debt busting  .

Keedie

Morning all,

I actually managed to sleep last night and was cold enough to feel some breeze and needed to snuggle under the covers, so that was such a nice treat after the unbearable weather. 

My son wasn't so lucky as his room is always the hottest and he told me that he had his fan on for about 4 hours and looked guilty, then relieved when I said it wasn't a problem. He said he felt bad because of wasting the electricity, so I think my over zealous preoccupation with reducing the energy bills might have gone too far if he was feeling bad for cooling down - oops! I explained that there's a difference between necessary usage like a fan when it's too hot and leaving every light on and things plugged in out of sheer laziness. So now he's chilling and I can hear the old fan doing its thing whilst he has a nap. 

Funnily enough, I finally heard back from his old school this morning about my Parent Pay refund once the Headmaster was cc'd into the email last night, and would you look at that, it's been passed to the Finance team and will be available by Friday. So that will be £13.71 to go into my PADding pot once it fully clears as a refund from Parent Pay itself. I also transferred £3 into my PADding pot, so the balance is at £90.62 at the moment, and hopefully, I should have around £110 by the end of the month to split between my bills pot and my Barclaycard.

I applied for my Disabled Persons Railcard last night and so that should come next week sometime and I can link it to my osytercard and start to get discount on the bus and tube. I'm going to Norfolk to meet up with two of my friends and their families, so I'll be able to use it on the train then. I'm really excited to see them as we've not met since just before New Year's and my friend that lives in Norfolk has renovated her house so I'm looking forward to seeing her new extension.

Right, I'd better get back to work, have a good day everyone xx.