The Mental Debt Struggle...

Keedie

The Sunday Summary (Retro Fitted)

It's been a loooong week, and I'm still recovering from that ridiculously long drive back from Blackpool and I still don't have an answer in terms of what is wrong with the car or how much it will cost to fix it. But I'm trying to get my ducks in a row in terms of transport options and costings etc for when I no longer have a car. So that's progress I guess 😁. 

Two of my minimum payments have come out so the debt is in a better position than last week:

Debts
*Bank of Mum 1 (car) = £433 (45.88% repaid so far)
*Bank of Mum 2 (family holiday = £300 (26.82% repaid so far)
*Bank of Mum 3 (school fees) PENDING = £4,800 pending (0% repaid)
*Barclaycard = £8,511.75 (9.88% repaid so far) 
*Creation Finance = £1,070 (22.50% repaid so far) 
*MBNA = £950 (33.33% repaid so far) - I made a PAD of £4 today as that £954 balance was irritating me 
*SKY Mobile = £1,038.90 (10.24% repaid so far) - minimum payment of £32.87 made on 22/07/2022
*TUI Turkey = £2,560.54 (18.18% repaid so far) 

Savings Goals
I gave up on the 1p challenge for this year and moved the £80.01 into my emergency fund and that meant that I achieved my £500 target well before the deadline I set myself for 31/12/2022. I was going to just leave this Monzo pot as it still has round ups feeding into it, but I realised that I would feel better with a larger emergency fund.

I'd love to have £1,000 but I don't want to jump too much, so I've changed my target to £750 and I think as I achieve the goal, I'll increase the target by £250. Psychologically this feels better as I incrementally work towards my ideal target emergency fund of £3,000. I figured chipping away at it makes sense as I do this for debts, so why not for savings...? Also, if I jump to a £1,000 target now, I'll be at 50% saved and I'd much rather look like I'm closer to my target. So I've set a target date of 31/03/2023.

My PAD Pot is getting exciting as it currently stands at £93.62, and I'll add whatever change I can over the week, but I doubt it'll reach £100. Especially and my Parent Pay refund hasn't come through from the school and now they're shut for the summer and don't answer their phones!

I've been tilly tidying since the 01/01/2022 and so far I've managed to put aside £257.19 (85.73% of my £300 target) through rounding down my account to the nearest £1 or £5 and through round ups when I spend with my Monzo or Chase cards. Most of this sits in my emergency fund, but it's amazing what you can save when you put little bits of change aside 🤗.

Mental Health/Wellbeing
I managed 1/3 of my weekly goals as I didn't journal or colour in, as my hands can't hold a pen properly as they're stiff and achy. I can type, and in some senses this diary counts as journalling, but I miss writing in a diary. So I've put them back on this week's list, and I'm still reading Bipolar Disorder - The Ultimate Guide and it's really comforting. So I have 1 new goal this week to continue improving my mental health.

1. Journalling - so that I can check in with myself and keep focussed on my goals and try to make sense of the world around me.
2. Colouring in - I have adult colouring books and I find this really soothing and providing that my hands don't swell or stiffen with the extreme heat, I'm aiming to colour in twice this week
3. Nature - I've decided to spend one or two days in the park so that I can be around nature as I find this soothing

Humdinger1

@Keedie you talk about brain fog but without disputing your expertise on your own situation, may I say how organised and intelligent your posts are?  You write really well and your ability to plan, stay motivated and be realistic is a rare combo.  I hope you're as proud of yourself as your devoted admirers on this thread are.  Love Humdinger xx 

Keedie

Oh @Humdinger1 you have literally brought me to tears, that's such a kind thing to say! I'm slowly starting to build confidence and have pride in my achievements but it's not easy. 

With my brain fog, I often feel like I'm swimming underwater and I can hear sounds all around me, but I don't really know what's going on. It gets a bit distressing at times and I get very easily confused or forgetful and then I have to lie down or sleep. It's worse when I'm having a flare up or if I'm really tired or in a lot of pain, and that's when I tend to 'space out' more or need people to repeat themselves a few times. Other times, I can compartmentalise things and concentrate on what I need to do and work through lists to keep me organised. I have to write nearly everything down and put things in my calendar on my phone or ask people to text me what they've said so that I can remember or process it.

I also have auditory processing disorder, so my hearing itself is actually pretty good (well it was when they tested me), but my brain can't process the sounds properly so I misinterpret sounds or what people say. I can't tell the direction of a sound either, and so I often think my son's calling me from his room, but he's in the bathroom etc. I watch TV with subtitles even when it's loud. Which my son hates as he says it spoils the action, but I like it because I can follow what's happening. I was doing some sessions with the audiologists to train my brain to do things differently, but then I had hypomanic episode with the bipolar and got really distressed because I'd turned up at the wrong hospital and I wasn't able to complete the online programme as I then became depressed so they discharged me. I have to ask for a re-referral as my son and my family have told me that my processing and actual hearing is getting worse and they have to keep repeating themselves, but I told them it's also my brain fog. But I'll go back to the doctors anyway, as it's getting annoying trying to lip read at times and my son seems to think I need hearing aids - when the reality is that he does that teenage mumble that I can't understand!

I actually spent most of my days lying down in my bed and when my body's relaxed, my brain isn't so muddled. And I only leave the house when I have a specific reason to do so, and then I have to plan how much energy it will take to do something and rest beforehand and when I get home. There's been times when I've got confused and ended up on the wrong tube or going in the wrong direction because I misread the signs regarding which tube line had delays etc.

I've always loved to write and I'm writing a novel, but it's very slow going lol. It takes me a while to write my posts sometimes as I miss out words and a couple of times I've started another sentence without finishing the first one 😬. So I do have to proofread them once or twice sometimes! But I think I persevere as I really love coming on this forum and it's so nice to have people to talk to.

And I've always been a planner by nature, and even with my mental and physical challenges, I know that I need to plan things because if I don't I get overwhelmed and frustrated. I've learnt the hard way about being unrealistic with achievements and I've hit burn out a few times before I really learnt that slow and steady really does win the race...

Today I paid my normal direct debit of £284.50 to TUI for my scandalously overpriced holiday to Turkey in July 2023. I also set up a transfer from my main Monzo account into my emergency fund of £5 and £1.80 into my PAD pot. This was meant to come out on a Tuesday when I get £21.80 in child benefit each week. But I was tired and made a mistake, even after setting it up and cancelling it about 3 times last night as I kept getting the dates wrong, and they both came out today and was set to come out every Monday. I was a bit embarrassed when I saw that this morning, as I probably spent a good 10-15 minutes trying to get it all right and I did it wrong anyway! So I had to cancel them again and set it up from tomorrow and for every Tuesday. So I've accidentally paid into the emergency fund and PAD pot twice this week 🤦🏾‍♀️. But it's to keep me on track financially, so I'll take it as a win lol.

Humdinger1

@Keedie you know your strong and weak areas and have strategies to deal with them.  Everyone could learn from you.  My 18 year old DD has recently diagnosed ADHD; she is poss interested in teaching later and she would I think be fab as she'll understand how people can struggle and how to help them work around it.  People who are wired differently (and that in my 'interested layman's' view includes bipolar and similar) add an enormous amount to society through their different views.  In any case, people are not defined by their difficulties but how they deal with them can be a big part of their identity and can be inspiring. Onwards and upwards love Humdinger xx 

LittleMissDetermined

Just caught up on your diary after my weekend @Keedie I would like to echo what has been said, you are so kind, empathetic, generous and you do what's right for others. You also nail each and every post you write so I am certain your novel will be wonderful, however long it takes to write! 

Nature in the park this week sounds great I love listening to the birds and watching them flit about in the trees. We have wrens nesting in the canopy above the hot tub in the garden and they're pretty vocal at the minute. 
LMD x

Keedie

I think differences should definitely be celebrated @Humdinger1 and I think your daughter would make an excellent teacher as she would have an advantage over other teachers in her ability to communicate with people based on her life experiences. One of my sisters has ADHD and is dyslexic and is a teacher and the other one has dyslexia, dyspraxia and dyscalculia and she's also a teacher and a SENCO. So your daughter can do whatever she sets her mind to. Just make sure that she applies for the Disabled Student Allowance or whatever her university will call it, as that will allow her to get any equipment that might help her, and she should also get a support worker or someone that can help her manage her time and proofread her work and help her plan her coursework if needed. When I had my allowance at university, I used it to get a laptop and dictaphone and I had a support worker and a printing and photocopying allowance as I had to print everything in colour due to my dyslexia.

I hope you had a great time @LittleMissDetermined aside from the rain, I think it's great that you've managed to get away to a festival. Thank you for your kind words and I hope the novel will be well received, I've had good feedback so far, but I think friends and family tend to be a bit generous in their feedback but it's a nice boost all the same .

I'm definitely looking forward to my park walks and sitting and watching the world go by. Your back garden sounds amazing LMD! I'm in the office tomorrow and it's near Hyde Park so I'll stroll over there at lunchtime and relax for a bit. 

LittleMissDetermined

Enjoy the park today lovely, I hope you've got better weather than Yorkshire, my tomatoes are getting a good drink today! 
LMD x

Keedie

Well LMD, it's looking overcast down in London so I don't really fancy my chances but I shall hobble over there anyways, I have my walking stick today as I'm knackered and a tad unsteady.

I made four PADs today; to the Bank of Mum 1 (car) of £17 and I've now repaid 48% of what I owe her and my two new regular PADs (on the correct day this time!) of £5 to the emergency fund and £1.80 to my PAD pot. I realised that I miscaluated my balance, so I had 40p lurking around and so I had to chuck that in the PAD pot as well, because the odd balance was annoying me . The PAD pot is now at £97.62 so that'll be a nice boost to the Barcalycard and Bills pot at the end of the month.

LittleMissDetermined

That's a nice chunky amount to throw at the card - well done!  especially as you have been away

Humdinger1

Thank you @Keedie she has already done that! I'm not sure how it interacts with PIP once she graduates, if at all? Gosh, you are doing SO well love Humdinger xx