The Mental Debt Struggle...

beanielou

Absolutely @badmemory. My Ds is 31 this week so much too late! 

Aimingforthegoodlife

Love the 18 day count down! Will definitely use this in the future. Sorry things have been so difficult, so proud of you for regrouping and planning out what to do next. You work so hard caring for everyone!

AntoMac

Great to see you back Keedie. We figured you might be struggling a bit, but good to see you getting back on it. Ups and downs are all part of the journey, and you keep fighting through the downs so huge credit to you for that.
Love the idea of daily presents for your son. It takes a lot of thought but sounds like he loves it too. 

Keedie

Thank you all for checking in on me, I am truly touched and it means a lot to me. I didn't think anyone would even notice that I hadn't posted, so it does feel good to be seen 💖. I don't often feel appreciated in my real (non virtual) life, so thank you.

My son is loving his daily presents! He think they're "cute" and he grins each time I give him one. He's got his vodka lemonade premixed Lidl drink chilling in the fridge and he devoured his Lipton Iced Tea yesterday 😂. It is a very good idea, and it's kinda sad I missed this concept for his 16th, as that was the year things imploded for us, and I think it would have helped to heal him a little to know that he was cherished at a time when he was feeling very vulnerable. Although 30, 40 or 60 presents is a lot, they needn't be things that are brought or expensive. I jumped onto to this trend rather late, with no proper plan, but for his 21st, I'll do more nostalgic things from his childhood or practical things. If any of you did want to the whole countdown thing, you could always do a countdown of different things as well as presents, like making some cards and writing down funny memories etc. Once when he was little, I gave my son a book of home made vouchers as part of his birthday present, and they were for things like going to bed an hour later, extra time on the Wii, breakfast in bed, going on a late night car ride, going to the park to feed the ducks, and stuff like that. All free things, but he was so beside himself cashing them in, like he'd won the lottery 😂. He was so young, I doubt he even remembers...🤔.

I'm very excited for the hairdressers, and my son gave me a high five when I told him I'd managed to track her down. I think he's looking forward to me taking care of myself more. He's always so groomed, and a tad vain if I'm honest (but he admits it anyway), so I think for someone so fashion conscious to see always so dreary was somewhat offensive to him 😂. But it does feel good knowing that something I used to take pride in, can be rejuvenated. I've really struggled as I can't lift my hands up properly and hold it there, and washing an afro with a hair treatment, detangling, conditioning and then plaiting is a long long process. That's why me and my sisters used to have Salon Sundays, where we'd spend the whole day pampering ourselves, and whilst we had our hair treatments in, we'd be doing other things like foot bath, facials etc. We had way too much time on our hands way back when. But I am looking forward to getting a fraction of that back. 

Insect wise @KajiKita, things are definitely much more improved although I still find the odd moth a couple of times a week. It's nothing compared to squashing 8-10 of them a day, plus whatever my son managed to get. So I'm able to use my kitchen again which is nice and I have got some airtight containers. Been slowly buying them on Amazon and in Asda, so I'm not as paranoid about it all. And having seasoning has made such a difference. But... we now have some massive moths that seem to be hanging out in the communal stairwell and have decided to pay our bedrooms a visit. I've never seen moths this size before. I can't even work out what species they are! They do nothing but hanging on the wall, radiator or window. Why?!?! 🤦🏾‍♀️

I've given up on living in this flat. The stairs are horrendous to deal with and I've battled them for the last decade since I became disabled after that operation. It's given my son the much needed stability he needed, and it's helped me not feel overwhelmed as moving is stressful and I like the area. But after my son's operation, and not having him be in a position to help me, I realised how bad things actually are. I've been rather reliant on him, which isn't fair to him. So I need to move to make my daily life easier. I contacted the council today and they have booked me in for a home visit assessment in the afternoon of his birthday. I broke the news to my son that a move is definitely on the cards and at first he was getting upset as this is the only home he's really known as we moved when he was 3. But I pointed out how much he struggled with the stairs after his operation and although it's getting easier for him, for me it gets worse as time goes by. I think having the role reversal has opened both of our eyes. He can understand the pain I've been in as I've been struggling to keep everything going and I can see how weary it is to be a carer. A change of scene will allow us both to not be so dependent on one another. Me in terms of being so worn out getting in and out of the flat that I have to rely on him for help with little things. And him, with understanding that sometimes you can just be in pain or weak, due to circumstance and require a little grace to recharge. No clue how long it will all take, a fair while I suppose, but at least it allows me time to slowly do a very thorough declutter to make the moving process when it arrives a lot easier. I just need to start saving as moving is not only stressful, very expensive.

Which brings me onto my finances, it's not in a great shape at the moment. My debt has gone up temporarily and I'm still trying to figure that all out. But at least I have found a way to rejig my budget so that my fixed and variable expenses are lower each month. And my PIP is no longer part of my household budget. And any surplus will be used to make debt overpayments and save. I've reduced my Barclaycard direct debit in my budget to accommodate this, but I'll explain the method in my madness another day, as I have to leave the house early to get to work. But even with the increased debt which I have to properly recalculate, and the lower fixed debt payments, I think I've got a better system in place now.

Keedie

Forgot to say @Cherryfudge, that the 66.60% debt reduction is in relation to my target of paying £5000 towards my debt in 2024. But with the reduced fixed payments and clearing Argoscard, I'll only reach 84.60% of the target if I don't accumulate extra money to pay things off via additional payments.

KajiKita

Whoa …. <screeches in with a roar of rubber> ‘only 84.60% debt reduction’ ….? Hello?! That’s an Awesome reduction in the face of what you have been dealing with. I get it isn’t what you were aiming for, but still massive cause for celebration and self recognition, yes? 😊

I’m glad you’ve decided to move. I know it will be hugely disruptive, but I have been reading about your plans for a wet room, thinking about the cost of that, plus the effort needed and thinking … ‘But, you can’t do the stairs well any more and your son is going to grow up and move out at some point …’ I think moving now, is really sensible future-proofing and once it’s done you can get it done up the way you want and then settle and relax.

KK

Sarahwithlove

It sounds like a move is the best for you both in the long run. It will be a massive change but a positive one. 

Makingabobor2

Moving will be so much better for you

in_need_of_direction

I’d say to park any debt overpayments and start a moving fund. It may push your date back a bit but the stress it would alleviate would be massive.

Cherryfudge

I'll just nod vigorously shall I? You will be future-proofing yourself if you can find a place that's physically better suited to you.

The gifts sound delightful. I did a similar thing with the vouchers one year and it was very popular, though perhaps I did too many as over the years one or two unused vouchers have turned up!

I'm so pleased you have your kitchen back in use. Any sort of pest invasion is unsettling - we got a couple of mice earlier in the year. They are incredibly sweet as little individuals but I don't want them in the house and I wiped down such a lot of stuff with bleach just in case they'd run across it. (I also cleaned up after a hedgehog got in but somehow there's not the stigma with hedgies that there is with mice). I have no idea what the bigger moths are though. Can you do a Google image search on them?

When did you say you have your hairdresser appointment? It's great you've found your lady again, you will feel wonderful when it's all done, both for that feeling of being pampered and for looking gorgeous and feeling in control when you can show it off to people!