The Mental Debt Struggle...

AntoMac

Lots still going on Keedie but it feels like plenty to be positive about amongst all this change.
Of course it’s understandably sad to lose your long term carer but you are a good person and so are the overwhelming majority of people who take up a career in caring. There’s every chance that any future carer will be just as amazing as the one you’re now missing. 

beanielou

Have you looked into direct payments to pay for your care. That’s what I use. It means I choose who I want. 

Cherryfudge

I think it will make a massive difference to both you and your son that he can study locally. You will save money, yes, and also time and energy. (They don't happen to have a suitable job for you, do they? )

I'm sorry you can't keep your carer, it sounds like a very good relationship you had. I understand the reluctance to change, especially after you've had lots to cope with recently. Beanie's idea of direct payments is worth investigating, though I wouldn't know how you go about it.

It may be that you and the new carer will click at once but if not, remember the relationship with the one you've had was built over a long time. I used to support someone who thought I was far too fussy at first... eventually that grew into a strong relationship so I was someone he trusted when he was really stressed. But it took time for us to get to understand each other, and I think that has to be harder for the care-receiver than the care-giver. By the way, I really miss so many of the people I've cared for! It's great when I see them round and about and we can catch up a bit, because one of the sad things about being a paid carer is that once you've gone, you don't get to hear how the person is doing. I know your carer will have been genuinely pleased with what you gave her.

Keedie

I'm trying to think positively to adapt to life @AntoMac, but admittedly it is oftentimes harder than I want it to be. But I called the people that deal with the wet room installation to understand how long it will take to get to the top of the list and she said around 6 months at the moment. But she said that as I receive PIP and I am a council tenant, the adaptations might be fully covered by the council as my landlord. So that's a silver lining if it turns out to be the case. I am still working on getting some money together in case that isn't the situation by the time I reach the top of the list, but at least I know how long it will roughly take to hear from them.

And having my son going to a local college has definitely relieved some of my anxieties about him commuting when his leg is still healing. He's also very excited about the fact that I can drive 3-4 minutes round the corner and drop him off on my non working days, depending on his timetable. He said that he wants to do a practice run next week to the college, to time it, so that he can work out how long it will take to get there. He starts at 10.45am on 9 September 2024, but I told him that he would need to arrive by 10.25am, as he doesn't know where his class is, and he needs to walk slowly to get there. It's on the second floor with a lift, but I don't know how long he will have to wait for a lift etc. And with his anxiety about starting a new college, he needs to be able to take it in his stride and not be rushing.

I've not used direct payments before @beanielou for myself, but I remember dealing with that for my dad's care, and it was stressful as he was in and out of hospital. But it was nice to be able to pick the actual carer, and he really appreciated the consistency of having the same person. It's definitely something I'll have a think about. I'm going to give this new agency arrangement a few months to see how it's working and then I'll have a better think about how it might all work.

That's so nice that you sometimes see people that you have cared for @Cherryfudge. It is hard being on the receiving end of care, to be able to be vulnerable around someone and have a stranger in your house going through your things and moving around your space, even if you know logically that they are there to help you. And you're right, the bond that I had with my carer did develop over time, so I need to be open minded and see how things pan out with this new arrangement. It's the thought of having a range of people coming and going that unnerves me, but if it settles to only a few people then that's okay. As my health fluctuates, I'm not always able to have it in me to keep explaining what is required to help me, as sometimes I'm more dependant than others. So maybe, I'll draw up a list of what my recent carer did, so that it is easy enough for others to follow without me needing to keep explaining it, as I get shy and anxious doing so. And I feel like I'm bothering them when I have to ask for help or explain a task.

I've managed to scrape together £150 and I paid £100 to Barclaycard and £50 to Argos Card. This means that I've got the barclaycard down to £6,750 and I worked out that this means there are 27 payments of £250 and that would go up to November 2026 if I paid nothing extra. So I will be aiming to squirrel away lump sums of £250 to reduce it a month at a time. That seems more practical and feasible in my head than trying to clear things by 0% interest payment plans. I know that I will need to do another money transfer to prevent interest when the first plan ends on 1 February 2025. So I'll just chip away it and see then figure it out money transfer wise nearer the time.

The £50 for the Argos Card means that the balance there is now £200, and I will pay another £100 in October and £100 in November and then that will be all done and dusted, and I'll just have the Barclaycard left. I'm excited, as my overall debt is now in the £6k bracket, at £6,950. Very exciting stuff 🥳.

Keedie

Also, I forgot to say that tomorrow, Saturday 31 August 2024 is National Cinema Day and films are on from £3 nationwide. Me and my son are going to see Deadpool vs Wolverine, and he's even acknowledged that sitting in the wheelchair accessible space, and being comfortable watching the film by using the extended leg rest, is the smart choice. At first he was hesitant, but then realised his comfort is more important than his street cred and the film is 2 hours and 8 minutes long and so being in pain unnescessarily was simply pointless.

I got our tickets for £9.90 including booking fee, as they were £4 each with a £0.95 booking fee and we're off to Cineworld tomorrow. So if anyone fancies a cheaper day/evening/night out, then cinema tickets are cheaper tomorrow for the whole day. We're having dinner first so we don't waste money on overpriced cinema snacks, so it'll be a bargain night out 🤗.

Cherryfudge

Keedie said:

 As my health fluctuates, I'm not always able to have it in me to keep explaining what is required to help me, as sometimes I'm more dependant than others. So maybe, I'll draw up a list of what my recent carer did, so that it is easy enough for others to follow without me needing to keep explaining it, as I get shy and anxious doing so. And I feel like I'm bothering them when I have to ask for help or explain a task.

I think the list is an excellent idea: it should save difficulties all round. But you aren't bothering them, you're enabling them to do their job.  

Enjoy the film tomorrow!

KajiKita

I agree the list will really help anybody new and you in talking to them about what help you need. 

The local college sounds like a really positive option for both of you - really pleased about that 😊
So, by the end of the year you will be down to just one debt. That’s when you get to start really gamifying it …. You have done so well this year. 😊

Enjoy the flicks 📽️

KK

Keedie

We had a good time at the cinema, although I wasn't a great fan of the film. My son was so excited to be out whilst it was dark, and I realised he's not done much apart from venture to the shops once or twice, enrol at college, go to hospital appointments or sit on the balcony. He really enjoyed himself, and was more or less happy with his wheelchair space. Although I forgot all about the padded cushion, and so he didn't have that, I so I think he might have had a numb bum by the end of it. But he was beaming with happiness and he was so grateful and gave me a massive hug and a kiss before he hobbled to bed.

I'm back to work this week and in the office on Tuesday, so that'll be rather interesting. My manager has been promoted and so my friend has been promoted to backfill her role. It's all a bit overwhelming with the number of changes, and I am a bit hesitant about having another friend as my line manager in case things get blurry again (as was the case when I was being exploited at work, a lot of which came from my friend and me helping her with things outside of my job remit). Anyways, I've expressed my concerns to my new line manager/friend, and told her that at work, I am in work mode, and so I won't be overly friendly, but outside work is different. I need to draw a line in the sand, so that I don't end up in the same position again. She understood, and she has her own fish to fry so to speak, as she has to prove herself in a new role. So we'll see how it goes.

As it's the 1 September, I've paid £100 into the emergency fund and £100 into my generic sinking funds pot. I've also got £3.41 in accumulated interest across all of the Chase pots, that I've moved into the emergency fund. So it's now £203.41/£500 and at 40.68%. My sinking funds pot, which has a very inventive name is called The Sink 😂, and that has £147 in there. Having two pots is definitely the way to go. I feel more inspired as it grows quicker and I can still separate spending into loose categories to try and get some control on that front. 

I'm hoping September is more successful on the budgeting front, as it's not exactly gone well in recent months. But I have £250.02 saved so far towards October 2024's budget, and I'll keep squirrelling away all income throughout September 2024, and see what I've accumulated and then I'll work out October's budget accordingly.

KajiKita

Well done for drawing boundaries with your work friend. I hope she does really well so she doesn’t need your help! 😉
Glad the cinema trip went well and you got the big cuddles from your son ❤️
You are doing really well at getting that month ahead … Think that will be a goal for the new year for me …. 🤔

KK

Makingabobor2

Think the cinema trip probably helped with your son's recovery, as it will have cheered him up and made him more positive.  I can imagine you didn't like the film much.....I have 15 year old GS's and don't think we would share the same taste in films.  Not been to the cinema since pre covid day.