The Mental Debt Struggle...

beanielou

DO NOT look at neo walk walking sticks!!

Keedie

beanielou said:

DO NOT look at neo walk walking sticks!!

Oh no, I can't fashionably pull of anything with colour. It will be a black walking stick to go with all outfits, but I need a gel filled ergonomic handle as the one I have hurts my hands after a while and the NHS one isn't very snazzy and the handle gets a bit sweaty (sorry TMI!). 

Keedie

It's been a busy few days, and I'm still not sleeping properly. So I'm a bit of a zombie at the moment.

Yesterday I paid my £72.67 to Creation Finance for our mattresses that we got from Dreams, and I'm doing the counter upper duties for the Payment a Day (PAD) thread, and I find that it motivates me more to get on top of my finances when I do that. I've decided to send all my PADs and manual tilly tidying to my bills pot on Monzo so that I can steadily start to build a month's advance of bills money to help the transition to the new budgeting period from 24th to the 1st of the month.

The invoice for my main client was paid rather swiftly, so I have put aside the £500 deposit for my son's school fees and I'm just waiting for the Head of Year and Head of Wellbeing to come back to me about how they will support him in Year 11. The reality is that he has to continue with the online learning even though he's finding it really hard and it's not his natural way of working, as I don't have £17k to send him to an independent school for one year to sit his GCSEs! Nor am I able to teach him myself.

So I sat down for hours yesterday and painstakingly went through all the modules/syllabus of his old school and online school to see where the gaps and overlaps were. Then I emailed each of his new subject teachers and provided the curriculum map from his old school where necessary, to show what he has done and asked for advice on what he should cover over the summer to catch up, without being overwhelmed. I'm just waiting for his Business Head of Department to come back to me. But the teachers have been really helpful and I have the beginnings of a catch up plan for him this summer. I'm going to have to do a lot to help him too, as he's not motivated to study in the summer holidays (as are most teenagers!), but a couple of hours a day, a few times a week will make all the difference for his understanding and confidence for Year 11. And he seems to have studied some topics already for Biology and Maths and one of the Literature texts, so that's helpful and reassuring. They'll revise the Year 10 content in Year 11, so that makes me feel less anxious about his chances with his exams.

I did a spreadsheet for the school fees to help me track how much to put aside each month so that I am ahead of the game. I figured that if I put £500 a month into account, I can also book the exam centres (as apparently I misunderstood and I'm not meant to wait until January/February 2023!) and considering that they're £150-£230 a subject, I need to find £900 to £1,380 to pay for these. Sooner rather than later. Oh how when it rains, it pours...  .

But even with all of this financial stress, I think the biggest hurdle is getting him to understand that this is where we're at and he has the opportunity to put the work in and turn things around but he needs to stop telling himself he can't learn this way or he'll just make the situation harder. The tuition centre that I contacted yesterday, said that they do lessons in the evenings and on the weekends, so I will bring him in for an assessment after we're back from Blackpool. 

I've been trying to arrange for him to have some work experience in my brother-in-law's company, as he would've been doing that now if he was still at his old school. And I'm getting together an itinerary of low cost activities to distract him over the summer, as he won't be out and about like he used to be, as I've made him drop those toxic friendships. So hopefully I'll be able to get the balance right...

Because of the exam centre fees being paid earlier than I thought they needed to be, I now don't know what to do about the weekender for my friend's birthday in Norwich. I was really looking forward to going as they have a DJ, comedian, games etc and the weekend includes all food and drink. But it's £200 and although my friend said that I can pay in instalments, I don't know if I can make that commitment anymore . So I think I'll have to miss out. My brother thinks I should do something for myself and still go, but I'm not so sure. I'm also a bit scared of the dynamics of people as I won't know everyone and it's 26-28 people and people will have to share rooms and sometimes when I don't have enough 'me time' I can become mentally unwell. The last time they did a weekender, I was coming off all of my bipolar medication and so I was having withdrawal symptoms and so that kind of soured the weekend for me. I'm at a bit of a loss at the moment, but I need to decide by this weekend.

LittleMissDetermined

Wow that's a lot of extra money to find @Keedie!  I'm sure you will work your finances to accommodate it as you always do... Regarding the weekender, I think I would be inclined cancel if I were you. There are other priorities taking up your head-space and from the sound of it, going may end up making you feel uncomfortable anyway.

Once you have decided and made plans I'm sure you will sleep better 

Keedie

Yes it is a lot of extra money @LittleMissDetermined and it's making me anxious. His dad doesn't help and I don't want to ask my mum for help, although she would gladly help me, I just don't like feeling as if I'm taking advantage of her. 

I just did an online search and the closest exam centre within walking distance from me is £120 per exam, and he's doing 6 subjects with 2 exams each, so that's £1,440! I'm going to have a call around this week so that I can see when the deadlines for booking and payment are and how much they cost.

I think I will have to cancel the weekender, I just can't make it all stretch. Although I find being away from home and around a lot of people sometimes overwhelming, I was really looking forward to having something for me and some adult time away. But the pressure of everything is a bit much at times.

abaka

I would agree - I'm very much strong voice for ensuring that you have money for me/time as if you go all in on your debts you're more likely to relapse into spending what you don't have....But there's a few reasons why you're concerned about the trip away and the money is just one of them.

I'm sure you'll make everything work as you have done so thus far but let that one slide and maybe next time you'll be in a better position?

Keedie

Yeah I've been on the fence about if I'm being honest, I do really need to get away, but juggling everything is a lot. I've got a trip to see my friends in Kent at the end of this month and I think that will help me to unwind quite a lot, as I'm not taking my son with me, so I can have some catch up time then I guess. 

I do want to see the back of the debts and the fees are a constant source of worry, but I think I need to be practical about the breaks that I am having, as they don't need to cost the earth really. I think I liked the idea of being able to get away more than anything...

How are you feeling now @abaka and your wife? I hope you've managed to enjoy your anniversary despite getting sick.

Squirrelz92

I can't believe just how much it costs to sit GCSE exams! Are you not eligible for some help with funds towards this? Like the others have said, I know you will find a way to fund these as you have done soooo well with everything else thus far!

You do need to take some time for yourself but I would also recommend skipping this Norwich trip. It's still good that you have a trip to Kent to look forward to though so all is not lost! xx

Keedie

Yeah @Squirrelz92 it is not cheap and I'm not remotely impressed. I think part of the problem is that he's switched from GCSEs to International GCSEs, and not every exam centre covers IGCSEs. There's no funding for homeschooling as you're essentially providing private education by opting out of state schools, so you effectively relinquish the local authority from any responsibility to provide suitable education and that includes the funding that goes with it. So I'm on my own.

Thanks for the vote of confidence, in my ability to get it done, that means a lot. I've told my friend that I can't come to Norwich, which is a shame. But I also remembered that I have my tax bill due in January 2023 as well. It just never stops lol. But yes, Kent is in a couple of weeks which will be amazing, as Blackpool next week is with my son and nephew so that is in no way a real break  .

AntoMac

I think cancelling your Norwich visit was the right thing to do Keedie. It could potentially make you Ill and by cancelling you still have the £200 in your pocket.
You have other things to look forward to. One will be spending fun time with your boy, and the other will be spending fun time away from your boy. The best of both worlds.