The Mental Debt Struggle...

AntoMac

Hope the support group meeting went well @Keedie
You’re doing lots of positive stuff. Well done you.

Keedie

I did it! @LittleMissDetermined & @AntoMac 🤗.

Thanks for your well wishes and sorry that I only just these messages. The group was amazing, and I actually made 4 new friends and swapped contact details with them, so that was nice. One couple lives near my mum, so it's a small world 😁. The group was 2 hours and the first hour is a check in with each person and then the second half we discussed and supported each other with any issues that were put on the agenda. It nice to not feel so alone and we went to the pub around the corner afterwards, which was an unexpected treat. I only got a pint of pepsi as I didn't have any money and wasn't expecting to spend anything, but I'll put it on the budget for next month. And make sure that I have enough to treat myself to dinner as I was half starved by the time I got home. My son was impressed that I went and he could see that it helped me, and he had gone out with his cousins and friends to watch some of them play football, so he'd been out of the house and felt a lot better in spirit which was nice.

@Humdinger1 I'm so touched that you're reading my diary and thank you for your kind words regarding my parenting and how I'm trying to juggle everything. I don't feel like a good mum at all, but I just keep trying. I'm slowly starting to get more confident with managing my finances, but it's very slow going. But I've opened a Chase account and I'm using the 1% cashback to transfer it into the Chase 1.5% savings account and I've got round ups enabled, which gives me 5% interest. I'm using the cash back as my spending money for my holiday next year once the reward period is over, and hopefully I'll have a little bit saved without much active effort. I've also opened a Starling account to use their spaces feature as the pots for things like birthdays, Christmas etc. It's helped not to have everything in my Monzo.

With the pen pal situation @Squirrelz92 I think if you can make the time to find a match, you'll definitely benefit from it. I'll be looking into it more this weekend, as this week has been very busy. I joined a few homeschool groups on Facebook and found one for the parents of the online school my son goes to and from there found a parent whatsapp group that I joined, and it's really helped as I was feeling overwhelmed. There's one for his year group too and a Discord thread that I've got the details for him to try and join. The problem is that he's been really struggling to follow the lessons as he said he's so conscious of the fact that it's not school as he knows it, and he can't concentrate on what the teacher is saying and he's feeling incredibly isolated and depressed and isn't sleeping properly so he's struggling to see how he can continue and get any GCSEs! That's really made me feel stressed out and really low, and I've shed quite a few tears in the last few days. I've questioned everything that I've been doing, and whether or not it's right, and I think I need to find somewhere for him to study around other people so that he doesn't feel so cut off. My mum suggested getting him a tutor for one to one, but I think he definitely needs tuition, but to be around others as that's the part he's struggling with the most. Feeling disconnected. So I'm trying to advocate for him to have his own version of pen pals by joining the whatsapp and Discord groups for his school. I've trying to set up more mentoring and youth opportunities. It's a shame that you don't have anything near you for your kids Squirrelz as it does help.

The school have been fantastic in terms of flexibility with the fees and deposit and said that I can have a direct debit on the 1st of the month or a standing order on a date more convenient for me. So I was quite impressed with that. Trouble is, despite it being a good set up, my son is hating the online learning experience and so I had to be honest with them about now being unsure about renewing for September. It's a lot of money for him to hate it and then fail it all (his prediction not mine), but then again we have no options other than self-paced studying and topping up with a tuition centre. Except I don't see him being pro-active if he has to pace himself and learn the material through reading course materials. So it was really stressing me out as his mental health was starting to suffer more, and so I just let him have the day off yesterday. Then his new sim card arrived (yes I did put my foot down and win that battle 💪🏾), so he was able to have his phone back and went out with his cousins and that seemed to have helped. So we'll just have to see. But I've kind of accepted that he might not get all the GCSEs he needs next year, and may well have to do resits. The only problem is that a decision needs to be made before 8 July about whether or not he's continuing. The school have flagged my concerns to the Head of Year and Head of Wellbeing, so I will speak to them early next week and see what type of support they can offer him moving forward.

Speaking of tuition centres, there's one within walking distance/two bus stops away that holds small classes  up to GCSE/A Level, and so I figured he can go there sometimes to top up his learning and break up the day. They accept childcare vouchers and I finally remembered the provider of the childcare vouchers account I had with my old employer and the account is still active and has a balance of £1,415.88! Considering that this tuition centre has fees of between £6-£15 an hour, I can definitely get him out of the house and learning amongst other people without having to find any extra money. I'm hoping that solution would be enough for him to stick with the online shcool, if I can try and turn it into a blended/hybrid learning environment. As although he's having a hard time with it, I can see that he's more focussed on his timetable and trying to get into a routine. So I'm hoping it's teething problems that I can iron out so at least he has something in September. Fingers crossed.

But there has been a big break through on the debt front, as I've cleared 15.28% of my debt since 1 April 2022, and I'm now finally under the £15k mark...🎉!

Anyway, I've chatted on for ages, but this diary does really help me to sort through it all. Have a good evening all xx

LittleMissDetermined

Well done on going to the group and being brave, I'm so glad your sone appreciates how hard that must have been for you, but that it has been a benefit. How nice that they go to the pub afterwards and it's great that they're a friendly bunch. 

I think it's still the bedding in period for your son, this is still very new for him (and you!) and it will take a period of adjustment to settle in, it may even take the rest of this term but at least he will know what to expect in September.  Just take one day at a time and keep checking on each other - you guys are a team and need to have each other's backs.  

Amazing work on your debts! Enjoy the milestone of smashing through another £1 mark  
LMD x

beanielou

Great news on the debt coming down  :0

Keedie

Thanks LMD, he did say that he was quite proud of me for going, so that made me smile. I was surprised by the pub, but it was so nice and everyone was very welcoming and I think after you talk about some quite emotionally draining topics, it's nice to have a more relaxed chat. 

You're right, it is still early days. I guess my maternal instincts are just going haywire as I want to make him happy and it's hard to see him struggling, but at the same time, it's frustrating when he doesn't appear to really care that I'm working 7 days a week to try and give him the best opportunities 🙄. But we've always been a team, I just need to sometimes remember that. Both of our lives have been turned upside down in the last 6 weeks, and I have to keep reminding myself that we're only at the beginning of this journey. 

Those milestones are great and I'm getting so excited about the fact that I'm getting through my debt free chart, and love colouring in the little tiles. I should hopefully hit 25% repaid by early September. 

LittleMissDetermined

Keedie said:

Thanks LMD, he did say that he was quite proud of me for going, so that made me smile. I was surprised by the pub, but it was so nice and everyone was very welcoming and I think after you talk about some quite emotionally draining topics, it's nice to have a more relaxed chat. 

You're right, it is still early days. I guess my maternal instincts are just going haywire as I want to make him happy and it's hard to see him struggling, but at the same time, it's frustrating when he doesn't appear to really care that I'm working 7 days a week to try and give him the best opportunities 🙄. But we've always been a team, I just need to sometimes remember that. Both of our lives have been turned upside down in the last 6 weeks, and I have to keep reminding myself that we're only at the beginning of this journey. 

Those milestones are great and I'm getting so excited about the fact that I'm getting through my debt free chart, and love colouring in the little tiles. I should hopefully hit 25% repaid by early September. 

Just remember to be kind to yourselves xx 

Keedie

beanielou said:

Great news on the debt coming down  :0

Thank you. It feels like such a relief to see it coming down. I'll have repaid my mum for one of the debts that I owe her by the end of next month, so I'm looking forward to that... 😁.

Humdinger1

@Keedie you're most welcome! It can be hard to stand back and see how well you're doing.  Your DS is learning resilience I think as well as the academic stuff and that will stand him in good stead.  The hybrid solution sounds good and it's fab that you have money in the account already.  Congratulations on joining the new group- 4 new friends?! You're smashing it!!  Love Humdinger xx 

Keedie

I’m definitely going to try and be kinder to myself. And take some of the pressure of us both @LittleMissDetermined. We’ve just got one more week of online school and then he’s finished for this academic year and he’ll catch up over the summer. 

We’re going to Blackpool for the week, 11-15 July with my nephew who’s just finished Year 11. I’m taking them to the Blackpool Pleasure Beach to go on all the rides and we have an EasyPass as I can’t physically stand or walk for a long time. So we get to virtually queue and queue jump in a sense so the boys are very excited about that. We’re also going to Splash World, which is the largest indoor water park in the UK. So it’ll be a nice week to just have a break but I’m not looking forward to the 4.5/5 drive 😬. 

Thanks @h@Humdinger1 for all your encouragement. I can see that he’s changing slowly but surely, and you’re right, this will teach him more resilience. I’m trying not to be too neurotic about his GCSEs. If he gets the grades he needs then I’ll be relieved, but the main thing over the next year, is to ensure that his mental and emotional wellbeing is preserved and he learns how to study in a different environment and adapt. There’s always GCSE retakes if it comes down to it. It’ll burn me to have to pay all this money and he has to resit, but at long as he actually puts the effort in, if it doesn’t work out, then I won’t be upset as I’ll know he’s tried. But if he squanders the opportunity, then I won’t be happy at all. But most importantly, he’ll only end up disappointed within himself. 

LittleMissDetermined

I'm sure you will be both ready for the break in Blackpool by the time you go. It will be a long drive for you but make sure you take plenty of rest stops.
LMD x