The Mental Debt Struggle...

LittleMissDetermined

Sorry I missed your first day back Keedie, but after reading your first update I echo everything that @Cherryfudge said in response.

We are very proud of you, and I’m so glad it wasn’t as bad as you had been expecting. 6 extra people must be helping that ticket logger and hopefully that means you will be able to just do your normal role without any extra.

Be kind to yourself, it will take some adjustment so don’t exhaust yourself. 

LMD x

Makingabobor2

Glad you survived your first day. Surely they don't really expect you to read all those emails? You'd never get any work done by the time you've ploughed through those.  Hope the rest of the week goes well. x

PennysIntoPounds

Just caught up on your diary and am really pleased you've been able to get back to work, and on terms that are more comfortable for you. Well done Keedie, you've coped with a lot 

AntoMac

Well done on going back to work Keedie. Honestly you should see the state of my mailbox -  Not my strong point mailbox management. The amount of spam that goes around is crazy. Lots of people seem to want to let others know how ‘busy’ they are. It sounds really positive that you’re taking your time and setting boundaries. 

Aimingforthegoodlife

I do love reading about how DS is able to tell you how proud he is and how you inspire him, thats just so awesome! I remember when you were so unsure on how best to support him with school, and look at how brilliant your decision was, you know him so well! Great news on the drivers licence!

I am so pleased you negotiated a better phased return to work, I hope that this second day has been less anxiety provoking and that you are getting some much needed sleep! You are truly inspirational, whether you want to be or not

Chrystal

Thinking of you and hoping that things go the way you want them to.  ((hugs))

Keedie

Hey everyone, thank you so much for all your kind messages and words of encouragement 🤗. I had a ginormous headache on Wednesday as I am still not sleeping properly and yesterday once I finished work, I just crashed! My son came into my room to check on me and informed me that I had pillow marks all over the side of my face 🤦🏾‍♀️😂.

For all of those emails, I definitely gave that delete button a workout @badmemory! I put all of my old emails (pre sickness absence) that were relevant to keep, in an 'archive' separate subfolder, moved all the current emails (that happened in my absence) that were important into a 'process clarifications' subfolder and then just deleted everything else. This way my actual inbox is empty and everything else is 'filed' away. I started going through the HR communications emails yesterday, as they have changed in employment legislation or workforce initiatives etc that I need to be aware of. I'm going to spend all of next week finishing off the HR emails then going onto the other important emails that I set aside. Slow and steady wins the race and all of that. I hate receiving or sending emails and I think an inbox can really quickly spiral into chaos, so I'm not surprised that you're not on top of yours @AntoMac. And yes, there was a lot of evidence of people trying to show that they're 'busy' in all of those nonsense emails that I saw.

I was meant to have a return to work meeting with manager, but that never happened. We'd agreed to meet at the end of my first week, but she was really busy and I wasn't really in any rush to have a meeting so I just didn't say anything. But then she contacts me at 12.23 to say that she's in a meeting that should finish by 1pm. I don't know what she was expecting me to do with that information as I wasn't waiting around to speak to her. If she knew she had a busy day, then she should have asked me to start later so that I could finish a little later in order for me to meet her. Or she could have booked something in with me from before. So I just told her I'm not available as I am logging off at 1pm and I'll catch up with her on Tuesday. I don't think she really liked that, but I'm not slipping back into habits where I give these people my unpaid time and energy. 

I think the additional staff has definitely helped with the volume of work @LittleMissDetermined and I will definitely only do what is required of me and nothing more. I've learned the hard way how doing little extras just leads to a loss of boundaries, and unrealistic expectations. So I am setting the bar low in terms of my outputs whilst I get used to being back at work and then I'll slowly increase them, but I will be better placed to maintain my boundaries once the workload increases, if I have been strict with my time and what I am doing from the start.

I am proud that I have managed to get through my first week and because I made the changes to the phased return to work, I don't feel as overwhelmed. It was definitely a good decision to stand my ground about that @PennysIntoPounds and it has given me the confidence to work through things at a pace that is healthy for me.

Seeing my son growing into the young man that I always knew he could be, is such a rich blessing @Aimingforthegoodlife. So even when I was at my wits end and really struggling to keep on top of everything, I kept thinking about what I wanted for his future and what resources he needed to achieve his potential. He's made a lot of progress but we still clash with regards to his studying procrastination and the fact that he's never really seems to be doing much. But he told me that he's quick with his work and he goes to the library at college etc. He's certainly towards the top end of his Business class, but I think for his GCSE retakes he needs to do little bits often so it doesn't really feel like he's revising/studying. I think he needs to be more detailed with his work and get on top of time management. But I pick my battles.

He's 17 and he's still learning and trying to be more independent and I can't do it all for him or force him to study the way I would as we're too different people. Hopefully, he's learning enough in life to get to where he's going, without me dictating how he should do it. I also don't have the correct mindset to keep fixing things for him whilst trying to get to a position where I can survive working, and then pivot into something that I actually want to do, so that I myself can thrive.

I paid £10 off the Argos card today as the £360 balance was (irritationally) bothering me. I like to see things in multiples of £50 to feel like the debt makes sense (I know, I know... it's all very odd 😬). But it helps me to divide it into months in my head when working out average monthly repayment amount to reach X target date for being completely debt free. We're taking some pictures of my son's old trainers and clothes this weekend for him to sell them to sort out the Argos card balance. And he's using his allowance in March to get the PS4 cleaned so that can be sold as well. As the PS5 purchase is on a buy now, pay later plan, there's no minimum amount that needs to be paid each month, so it's giving him greater flexibility to pay for it. He's hoping to sell as much as he can before the summer holidays so that he needs to use less of his wages when he's working.

beanielou

Glad that’s the first week done. 

Keedie

beanielou said:

Glad that’s the first week done. 

So am I 💃🏽🥳💃🏽🥳

I'm going to my East London sister's tomorrow as it's my niece's 11th birthday and I'm looking forward to hanging out with the kids. She's having a daytime slumber party and apparently they're making lip balms or something girly, so I'll be going up there in the morning to do her hair. I'll be travelling over there with one of my other niece's and my hot chocolate nephew, and we're taking the tube, overground and bus (it sounds long winded but it's the easiest route with limited stairs that puts me right outside her house. My car's not working, but even it was, I hate the journey to her house. It's so draining sitting in all that traffic.

The mechanic said the under engine tray thingy that has split and popped off, is about £398 including VAT - just for the part! I'm not remotely impressed and I told him that I'm not paying that and so now he's looking for a second hand part. He's been ignoring my calls so I've had to semi stalk him this week just to get to this point. I just need it fixed so that I can sell it in the next few months.

I've been getting really tired doing everything by public transport and it's taking me so long to do the smallest journeys as I don't walk far or fast. But I've rediscovered a bus stop at the back of my housing estate that only has a small hopper bus that goes every 15 minutes, so I've been timing it via the bus times app, so that I don't have to walk too far. That bus takes me in either direction that I need to go, so that I can then catch another bus or the tube if needed. I don't mind not having a car to use at the moment, but the anxiety of what it will cost to fix it so that I can sell it is weighing on my mind.

I've slowly been taking things out of the boot and getting my son to bring them upstairs, so now my rollator lives in the hallway. He thinks it's pointless as I can't carry it up and down the stairs properly myself, but I told him that if I really need to, I can get it downstairs but not back up. He does all the heavy lifting for me and my neighbours help me too if I can't manage something. My son said he doesn't mind carrying the rollator, but he thinks I'm being a bit extra when the car is still there. But I explained to him that it won't be for much longer and I need to get used to not using the car as a storage place. Besides, as the parking permit increased to £240 annually, I've been parking in the communal car park for £32 a year instead (how very MSE of me 😂), so walking to and from the car park to get stuff is annoying. Especially as the car park is more or less where the bus stop is...🤷🏾‍♀️.

I do need to get a better handle on food though, as that's one thing I miss about having a car, being able to go food shopping. I've wasted money on take aways this week simply due to poor planning, laziness and not having food at home. My mum reminded me that Waitrose has a good Essentials range (I think that's their Tesco value equivalent??) and they deliver to your door. So I'm going to see if I can get the bulkier items delivered. Lidl is more or less across the road, and my son does the shopping in there (but refuses to use my shopping trolley 😂).

I think the reality is that I am getting to the point where I have start really thinking about how viable it is to stay living in my flat. I'm 42, but with chronic illnesses, I feel older and I'm getting weaker. The stairs are becoming more of a struggle. But I don't like change and I'm scared to move. I can't imagine starting again and the stress and upheaval of moving. But I'm starting to think that it's true, we don't always get what we want...

PennysIntoPounds

That is a scary thing to think about but if you're thinking about it because you know that'll put you in a better position, then no harm enquiring- I think you said you're council housing? If so, to my limited knowledge, there are often opportunities to flat swap but it can take a good while for something suitable to come up.
I would say focus on settling back into work, and if you feel it's appropriate, have a conversation with your son about at what stage in his studies/future work he wouldn't feel too unsettled by it, but when you have energy make tentative enquiries about how it would work.
But I think it's really positive that you're thinking about how you can do near future and far future you a favour