The Mental Debt Struggle...

Cherryfudge

It seems eminently reasonable to ask for a slower phased return. After all, these things vary according to the reason for the sickness. I never got as far as that with my previous job but I had one other long period of sickness and the phasing and adapted duties were essential as I wasn't physically able to do my normal tasks for months. Work was very good and worked with me. If I remember rightly, the phased return can be adapted as you go along, so if you need to freeze it at a certain level, you can ask for that. You can also talk through with your doctor or indeed the people on the bipolar group if you need specific advice.

Nice work on tracking the budget.  

Keedie

I've been a bit AWOL as I've been trying to get my mood and sleep back on track. I was at the early stages of a hypomanic episode last week as I was getting so stressed, so I needed to decompress before my mood kept climbing and I became unwell.

The pause allowed me to realise where my anxiety was coming from, and I emailed OH on Sunday night and we've renegotiated my phased return to work on Monday. So it's now over 6 weeks and I start on 3 hours a day in week 1 instead of 4 hours a day. And in the new week 5 and 6, I am doing one hour less than my new contracted hours, and start back at hybrid working. I feel much better about this. And glad that I didn't force myself into an arrangement that would not work for me. So you were right @Cherryfudge, definitely no harm in asking for a slower paced phased return. I'm still not sleeping great, as I'm yet to meet with my manager to finalise everything, but I do feel less overwhelmed by it all.

Sorry to hear that things are tough at the moment @AntoMac and I hope that settles soon. It's so nice that you all treated your colleague the same when she came back, and I'm sure she would have been very anxious beforehand and comforted by that when she returned 🤗.

Budget wise, I got a bit over excited and brought my friend's newborn baby some clothes I couldn't really afford, but they were too cute to ignore. So I used up the birthday gift sinking fund and some of my own spending money. It was £37.50 in total, including a gift bag, but the clothes were super cute!

I've been trying to get on top of my groceries and realised that having £150/£250 electronically and £100 in cash isn't going to work. I think I need to have £10 a week electronically as emergency top up shops and the rest in cash as the money on my card has dwindled down to £81.75 (not helped by round ups), and yet the cash isn't being used much at all. I can see where I've been going wrong. Tapping tapping the card isn't the best course of action as I don't see the money. I kinda knew that, but I thought it was mainly an issue with frivolous spending. But I think I need to go back to the times when I was only paying in cash, and if I didn't have enough, I put things back. That's better discipline.

I've still been tracking all my expenses though and that has helped me a lot. This month, I am also tracking the round ups and cash back, so I can see how much has actually been spent from a category and how much has been 'spent' on round ups'. I forgot to track my coin challenges, so I'll do that next month. But the main thing is that I am getting a better picture of where I stand with my budget and expenses.

Cherryfudge

Your new return to work plan sounds a lot better: no sense in overdoing just because someone who's not in your situation thinks it might work. I'm glad you can feel better about it, and I hope you get some good sleep soon.

I like your phrase about realising where your anxiety is coming from. It resonated with me as I often don't know what my ADHD is reacting to. Someone needs to invent an app where we can just click and we get a list... though of course that would then cause anxiety, so maybe not.

If having cash for spending has worked for you before, it's likely to work for you again, so certainly worth a try. We stopped having a cash budget for groceries over lockdown and my husband seems to spend multiple lots of tiny amounts now, which drives me crackers when I try to work out what's going on with the finances. I wonder if it would be useful for us to do as well? I'm often guilty of spending on the way home from somewhere and that's often frittering it away as I wouldn't have spent if I was still at home.

Keedie

Guess who has a driving licence?! Me! 💃🏽💃🏽💃🏽

The post came just now and I ripped it open after feeling around the envelope, and was cautiously optimistic that I got another year's extension on my licence. But they gave me 3 years! Yay. Was so excited I squealed with excitement and shuffled into my son's room and he gave me a congratulatory up nod and a fist bump.

I'm so excited that I had to share the good news. It means that I can stop driving on my own terms which is great 🤗.

Also, I ordered a little glass money jar with my Christmas money from Amazon, so that I can keep my £2 and 50p coin challenges in a better rotation. That way I'm not spending money on those Poundland tins. I've decided to convert the coins into notes whenever the savings tracker is completed, so that I can use it to update my sinking funds and savings challenges. I'll be designing some low target savings challenges so that I can complete a few of them and then allocate the money into my Freely Debt Savings and put some to living our best lives, some to debt and some to savings. I've been watching lots of YouTubers managing their budget and money and it's really inspired me 😄.

Cherryfudge

Yay for the driving license!

Makingabobor2

Congrats on the driving licence. And sounds like you've got a better idea of handling your budget now. Must admit I've never looked on YT for tips. I just take tips from people on here and see which ways work best for me. Sometimes I think I have to try a particular way for a while, before I can see if it works or needs tweaking. 

Chrystal

Great news Keedie!  (((hugs))) X

Keedie

Thanks everyone. I'm super excited about my driving licence (just in case it wasn't obvious 😂). 

And as for the phased return to work, it definitely makes more sense to do what I know I can handle, rather than what someone believes is reasonable. I think when you're neurodivergent, you need to identify when you're getting anxious and overwhelmed, even if you don't know why. I was able to spot it last week, as I got increasingly stressed by everything after I met with OH. But I wasn't sure if I was being a diva or ungrateful. My family were encouraging me to just try and not think about it too much, but my bipolar group helped me to see that it's okay to take even smaller baby steps, and that doesn't mean I'm not capable, it just means I need to be kinder to myself in the way that I do it.

I think YouTube is great @Makingabobor2, just to see the steps and actions that people take with their budgets and finances and it's all different but some similarities. I get ideas about what I can do, but put my own twist on things, so that it actually fits my lifestyle.

beanielou

Glad you have an arrangement that seems to suit you better. 

Keedie

I opened my Poundland money tins and I had £127 in there! Very impressed with myself. Leftover Lenny (my blue cat tin) is about half full with his 1p to 20p coins, so not sure what's in there as yet. Should hopefully be able to bank that by the summer.

But for the Poundland tins, I will change £120 in coins on the weekend at the bank. And £100 will go into my 50 envelope challenge and I'll put the £20 aside for Mother's Day as that's coming up quickly. The remaining £7 is in £5 worth of 50p coins and a £2 coin, so I've restarted my savings trackers and put those coins in my new little jar. My son helped me to pick it, and he said the 'bee kind' on the jar suits me and my personality as I always try to be kind to people. I thought that was rather sweet of him, and I was quite touched by that 🤗.


I spoke to my manager today, and she didn't bat an eyelid about my extended phased return to work, so I'm definitely glad that I had that changed to give me the time I need to settle back in. I'm still very nervous, but I'm ready to get back to work, keep my head down and sort myself out financially. I think having that as a goal will help me. Keep me focused whilst I have a better work-life balance this time round.