The Mental Debt Struggle...

Keedie

Ahh you spotted my accidental time travelling @Cherryfudge 🤣. I’ve fixed it now. Yep, definitely back in Feb and not Jan. We’ve always had hybrid working where I am, so I’ll be in the office 1 day a week on a Tuesday. And at home Wednesday and Thursday. 

They’ve increased the office requirement to 40% apparently. But 40% of 18 hours is 7.2 hours and so I dunno how that’s going to work. I won’t be staying late. I’ll do my 6 hours and run home or when I’m at home, just log off. So I’m just going to pretend that doesn’t apply to me until I’m told otherwise. I’ll already be spending the Wednesday recovering from commuting on the Tuesday. And my carer comes on Wednesday and a Thursday so I dunno how that would work anyway 🤷🏾‍♀️. 

Me and my son do make a good team. He’s always been my little side kick. We hang out a lot and give each other a lot of space too. He always makes me laugh and we have silly conversations or deep insightful ones. He’s looking forward to learning how to cook more things as he can only really do the basics. He wants to know that he can handle himself when he goes to Uni. As we both have Mondays off, I think we’ll probably cook together then, as it means when I get in from the office I don’t have to cook when I’m brain dead and in pain and he finishes late on a Tuesday and has a bit of a commute home. And it’ll save me defaulting to take away. 

Cherryfudge

The Monday plan sounds perfect!

I have no idea how you're supposed to work in the extra 1.2 hours either, unless you can save it up and take it as leave. The whole compulsory hybrid working thing seems odd to me, especially as many people who were recruited during  lockdown took on their posts on the basis of being able to work from home. Mind you, my husband really enjoys being at the office, but he says this team is the best he's had to work with. They work hard, but they have a laugh as well. I wonder what your new colleagues will be like? You might meet some really nice people!

Keedie

I'm not very good with change, but I am trying, so I am quite anxious about going back to work and seeing the new people that have started. Luckily the majority of them are in the other sub-teams. Only one new person is in my team. And we have a new Director of Operations, who was my new Head of Service as of a week ago.

But in all honesty, it's quite of embarrassing being off sick for practically a year. People tip toe around you when you come back and stare. I don't think they're even aware that they are doing it. But they watch you for signs that you're going to break again. I've been off long term sick for my mental health before (though never as long as this, as I was unemployed for 2 years because of it, but I started this role as end to that sickness), and it's always the same. That initial awkwardness on my part and theirs. The main difference between this period of absence and others, is that I have not rushed back to work due to the embarrassment or pressures from work or well-intentioned family or friends who keep expressing their concern that I'll lose my job. 

My actual colleagues are nice people, some are lazy or wilfully incompetent as they take the path of least activity, perhaps as a coping mechanism for all the stress. But I'll just stay in my little lane and do my own work and not concern myself with the office politics or trying to fix convoluted processes or implementing things that are absent altogether. I don't have a senior position and so I won't be falling into the trap of them constantly picking my brains and working above my remit.

A few of my standing orders and direct debits came out today, and so that's another £50 paid to my mum (£400 to go!), £50 to the emergency fund and £50 to Help to Save. The rest is all bills. Oh the joys of adulting 😂.

I did some playing around with my budget and realised that once the debt payments are all gone and my son gets a part time job and doesn't need pocket money and money for college etc, I'll be in £650 a month better off. So that's a nice incentive to enjoy the process of becoming debt free, even if it's one step forward and two steps back at times.

My HMRC app is telling me that I owe £2,594.80 and may be charged penalties and interest as the payment is overdue. I think the system is just catching up with itself, as it shows the payment of the same value that I made within the last 14 days, and I paid them on 30 January 2024. But if it's still saying that this time next week, or they do charge me a penalty or interest then I'll have to check in with them. I think the system is overloaded though and processing a massive influx of payments and self assessment submissions, as there was quite a few million of us playing with fire at the last minute 😂.

beanielou

Would it be a boost to pay your mum the money currently going to the EF & the help to save? 

Just in the short term? 

Keedie

I'd not thought of that @beanielou. The Help to Save has to stay because otherwise I'll miss out on the maximum bonus from the government. And that money is for me to help my son with his uni costs. But I can halve the emergency fund to £25 to boost the amount to my mum at £75. You've given me food for thought...

Makingabobor2

Good for you sticking to your guns over the lunch break. I think its very hard to work 4 hours straight without a break if you are looking at a computer all the time. 
I agree with your comments about how much we learn on this forum and how helpful people are. And also, reading about other peoples efforts and struggles makes you realise how much you can achieve if you try and you really come across some inspirational people....yourself included. x

beanielou

Always good to have food for thought 😊

badmemory

I don't know what health & safety rules are now but a few years ago 4 hours looking at a screen would have been a massive no-no.  According to my consultant even sitting down for a whole hour is a massive no-no.

Keedie

I've decided to contact OH again with regards to their proposed phased return to work pattern as I've been getting anxious about it and losing sleep and I don't like that. I don't have a problem returning the week after next, but the way that was proposed which I accepted as I kind of felt like I had to, just doesn't really sit well with me.

I got some feedback from my bipolar group last night as a lot of us have been signed off for long periods of time and they all echoed the same sentiment, that the phased return was too short and the initial hours too much. At first I thought the proposed hours would work, but as the days have gone on, I've become incredibly anxious about it.

I thought maybe I was being a diva, but when I was talking about it in the group, I got some good advice and it gave me the confidence to push I need to start back on 3 hours a day not 4 hours a day and I need to stretch out the phased period from 4 weeks to 7 weeks, still increasing the hours every fortnight, but by one hour at a time. As on the 8th week I'll be on annual leave for the Easter holidays, so after the holidays I can work a normal 6 hour day. So I'll write to the OH guy tomorrow, so that he can pick it up on Monday and go from there.

I had a good morning sorting out my budget (how adulting of me), as I've created two more pages of my homemade budget planner. These pages will be for the cash budget breakdown by categories like food shop, spending money, Christmas/Eid, car maintenance etc and how much cash I need from the bank each week and in which denominations. So that I can have some better order with my budget. 

I'm still tracking every penny and after reviewing January's budget, I can see where I went significantly older in some categories and where I need to create more realistic budgets or new categories. So far so good if you discount the massive overspend in January and the increase in debt 😂.

AntoMac

Just had a proper catch up on your diary Keedie as been treading a bit of water in my own life and sometimes you have to have the right mindset to have a proper read.
How exciting that repaying your Mum is now within touching distance. You’ve always said how important repaying her has been to you and both you and her will be reigntly proud when you’ve done it.
Also it’s very heartwarming to see how many people are helpful and supportive on here, and you got help with the HMRC minefield. 

Try not to overthink returning to work too much, although I’ve no doubt I would be mulling all sorts over if I were in your position.
We had a lovely lady come back from long term sick in our place. We’ve carried on like we did before with her and whilst I’m sure she felt a bit awkward at first it’s been wonderful having her back.