The Mental Debt Struggle...

Cherryfudge

Sending some hugs and a prescription to rest till you've wound down. Facing up to stuff like this is super-stressful, but you've done it and now that much is behind you.

Keedie

I've recovered from my self inflicted financial crisis! 😂 Wowee the last week has been completely and utterly avoidably stressful 🥴. But we move. It's all done now.

I'm surprised it only took me 55 minutes on hold to get through to HMRC so close to the deadline. The guy I spoke to sounded like he was really questioning his life choices and he was clearly so over it. I imagine he's dealt with the same nonsense questions and frantic desperation from callers for quite a few weeks now - myself included 😬!

Thank you very much for all your input @badmemory, as you really saved my bacon. I honestly didn't know how all this self assessment stuff works (as I admittedly didn't really bother to find out 🤦🏾‍♀️ and my earnings from self employment were never that great if I'm being truthful). But the combination of overworking and increasing my working hours in my job and taking on more freelance work in late 2022 to get on top of the combined expense of an overpriced impulsively booked holiday and paying for school fees meant that my income was the highest it's ever been. Hence the shocker tax bill that I was ill prepared for, having squandered the money 🥴.

The amended payment on account at £750 plus the £1,844.80 tax bill came up to £2,594.80. So after I did the screenshot of the amended payment on account, after a few hours of being scared that there would be a system glitch preventing me from paying, I just paid that full amount. And when I woke up this morning, the system had refreshed overnight to show that amount owing and that I'd made a payment in the last 14 days. So when that clears in a couple of days there will be zero outstanding from this deadline. It will just be £750 payment on account that is due on 31 July 2024. I've got £50/£750 set aside so far. So I'll definitely be filing on time for the 2023-24 return. Lessons well and truly learnt... 😬.

My debt position took a hit, and increased by £1,070. I'd borrowed £2,000 on a money transfer from Barclaycard and they charged me a £70 transaction fee, so £2,070 total. I used £1,000 to meet my tax obligations and £1,000 to reduce my debt to my mum and paid the £70 fee today.

So instead of a £7,000 balance on my Barclaycard, it's now £9,000 (which was my total debt on 1 January 2024 😩). And the debt to my mum instead of being £1,450 is now £450. Rather than sending the money back to Barclaycard to reduce that debt, I just send the £1,000 to my mum so that I can clear my debt to her and then only focus on Barclaycard. I have until November 2025 to clear the additional debt at 0% interest.

I'll try and clear the remaining £450 to my mum by the summer holidays. I've left the standing order to her at £50 a month, but have had to increase the Barclaycard from £300 to £350 a month on account of the higher balance. But Barclaycard for some reason also increased my credit limit yesterday, so my credit utilisation is still scary high but marginally not as bad as it could be. Silver linings and all of that 🤗.

I'm still aiming to repay £6,750 off my debt this year. It just means that I'll have a higher balance in January 2025 than I thought I would. I've still got a headache and couldn't sleep properly last night. But I did have a long hard think about things, and all of the pressure I put on myself. So although this is a setback, I won't be trying to repay more debt as a result. I've got no real savings anymore, and that's not a financially healthy position to be in. So once I clear my debt to my mum, I won't increase my Barclaycard direct debit, I'll try and build back up my emergency fund. 

badmemory

Well done for sorting it.  I didn't mean to panic you but they can be real pains if you land up on the wrong side of them.

beanielou

The good thing is you have sorted it out now.
Youi will soon only have one debt & that will be a great boost for you

Cherryfudge

Phew! That was a rough ride but at least your know what's what now (and I'm so glad @badmemory came along). It's lovely you've been able to give your Mum a big chunk of the outstanding money, that will be a weight off your mind, and nice for her too.

I know you can trace this back to decisions you made, but short of some magic that stops you making a decision when you aren't at your best, I don't feel you're right to blame yourself. I could kick myself for opportunities missed but I know I did the best with what I had at the time. The pressures of a physical condition that wasn't diagnosed for goodness knows how long, plus family responsibilities plus neurodiversity - well, I did what I could, and thought I was at fault when I couldn't do as well as other people. Only with insight and hindsight can I see I did what I could. Perhaps you could see similar in yourself, and you had your son to think about too - that will have added complexity.

The only thing I can think of, going forward, is maybe to lock away the tax money next time.

Keedie

Don't worry @badmemory, I don't think you realise how grateful I am to you! I truly am. Everything has worked out, I understand where I went wrong, I've got things in place to ensure that I build back up the sinking funds in the business banking account for the running costs and I save the remaining £700 tax due in July and whatever else is needed.

I've also been looking at different accounting software to be able to help with the self assessment, as Quickbooks is good but I also need to log a lot with spreadsheets like time spent on a project etc, so I think I might switch. If I can find a good deal. But that's a project for future me nearer to start of the next tax year.

Both me and my mum are really excited @beanielou about the end of my debt to her being so near now. Her excitement is not so much about the money (although she's obviously happy to have her savings back as she is retired), but it's more about her being proud that I am close to achieving something that she knows has been hanging over my head. And although in real terms I'm in more debt today than I was a few days ago, just knowing that it will soon all sit one with creditor is making me feel a lot better about things. Having a singular focus will make it a lot easier to chip away at it as well.

You're right @Cherryfudge, we are often too hard on ourselves. My son actually gave me a really big hug today and told me that he's really proud me as he sees me constantly trying even though life is hard, and he's impressed with my 'grinding'. Apparently I inspire him to just keep going. So when you hear things like that, it does make you think that actually you're swimming more than drowning. But I do need to learn to forgive myself for past decisions and failings. I'm always kinder to others than I am to myself. So that's definitely something I need to work on.

Cherryfudge

You're definitely swimming rather than drowning. Sometimes that question about 'what would I say to a friend in this circumstance' is a really good one. We are more objective and kind about others than we are about ourselves!

Your son has narrowly escaped a big hug from me (who doesn't know him at all and it would probably look more like an assault to him) - distance has saved him, but what a lovely lad!

lellybun

The power of this forum strikes again! Firstly with @Keedie doing her fabulously honest diary which highlighted an issue which was then picked up by the wonderful @badmemory and potential disaster averted.

I absolutely love this place! 😍

Keedie

I also think this forum is amazing @lellybun! It has really and truly changed my mindset when it comes to money management and I learn so much from everyone. I really feel like I've found my tribe here, and everyone is so supportive. It's a great community and since starting my diary, I have a lot more accountability with my finances. I sometimes wonder why anyone would read it, but maybe that's just my harsh inner critic 😂.

I do need to think of how I would talk to my friends @Cherryfudge, when I'm talking to myself because I would definitely not be so mean to them! So yes, that is something I most definitely have to work on. And yeah, my son is a good one. Infuriates me at times when he's being a stroppy teen, but he's my little heartbeat. He makes me laugh so much with the random stuff he comes out with. We went shopping today to Lidl, and he was so scandalised by the price increases, I saw him reading the labels and comparing prices for honey and he found a better deal than what I normally buy! It was a proud mama moment and then he used his muscles to carry it all upstairs whilst I parked the car. He was so proud of himself.

We've set ourselves a challenge that we can't go over our food budget. I told him that I need to save for his 18th birthday party, clear up some debts and save towards his uni expenses. Besides I want us to enjoy life more and to be not be stressed. We were reminiscing about all the UK getaways we used to have and the fact that we used to go on holiday once or twice a year. I told him that things won't be so carefree as prices have gone up, but I definitely want to explore the world more and have UK breaks. So we're determined to get on top of our food waste and frittering away money we don't have, so that we can enjoy life more. We're going to sit down and do a meal plan for next week and then get the relevant stuff on the weekend. He seems to be quite happy with all of this.

I met with Occupational Health yesterday and the dude I spoke with helped me work out a phased return to work plan. So I go back week commencing 12 February 2024 and I'll work 10-2 Tuesday to Thursday for a fortnight and then 9-2 Tuesday to Thursday for another fortnight. He's proposing to my managers that I work from home for the first 4 weeks. Then I'll be doing my new contracted hours of 9-4 from week 5, which is the week commencing 12 March 2024. And at that point I'll go to the office one day a week on a Tuesday.

I don't mind the late start and early finish for the first two weeks, and then increasing it for the next two weeks. But I told him I'll be taking an hour's lunch break whether I'm doing a 4 or 5 hour day, and his eyebrows raced up to his hairline, before he schooled his expression. But I'm not going to sitting there after not working for 11 months and force myself to have a short break because I'm doing a short day. 

My friend who works in the same team as me and is an HR Advisor told me that if I don't actually work 4 hours or more whilst on a phased return to work, then I can't get paid at my new salary. Like I care. I'm happy to stay on half sick for that first fortnight and ease back into work in a manner which suits me. I've already done my preliminary March 2024 budget and it's based on half sick pay throughout February 2024, so it is what it is.

I'm currently still contracted at 28 hours a week, and so my half pay is equivalent to approximately 14 hours a week. My new contracted hours will 18 per week. So I'll just have another month on roughly the same income and from April's budget, I'll experience a slight increase in pay due to March 2024 being a higher salary.

Cherryfudge

It sounds as though you and your son have a great partnership, and what he learns now will stand him in good stead as an adult. Perhaps he could take on a  bit of cooking, even if it's making a batch of something at the weekend and putting portions aside for weekday meals, which will make life easier for both of you on your busy days.

I think you meant you go back to work in February, not January? Or did I miss something? This not being at work is very confusing: I often lose track of the day or date.

I hadn't thought about you working from home, but might hybrid working be a longer term option? Depending on the needs of work and what suits you of course, but it would shorten your day and decrease your costs.