The Mental Debt Struggle...

Makingabobor2

So glad your employer has seen sense at last. 

AntoMac

Lots of good stuff happening Keedie. Plenty of challenging stuff too but it looks like more ups than downs right now. Good to see that your work is FINALLY being reasonable with you. 

PennysIntoPounds

It is so bloody out of order that to achieve something that should have just been present and normal in the first place we have to expend our limited energy and resources on even getting it acknowledged, and I am pleased for you and proud of you but also angry that this has been part of your life in the first place let alone you fighting when feeling very much not at your best.
I think I've said on my diary before and will doubtless say again in future, but one of the most horrible parts of a fairly horrible past few years has been having to (this sounds stupid but) grieve for learning that it is not good enough to be a good person and do your best, if you're poor or less-abled or facing a tough situation through no fault of your own, societal structures and powers literally do not give a s*** (sorry for swearing on your diary but I thought it merited it in this instance!). Like you, I was brought up to be a decent person and it is heartbreaking to realise that it doesn't matter and that all that matters is shouting the loudest.
Keep on 'shouting' Keedie gal, the remaining bits of decent society need people like you x

Keedie

I do feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders with work. It should not have been an uphill battle to be treated with respect, but here we are. Won a battle if not the war 😂.

It is very angry and frustrating to have to always be ready for battle because the powers that be just don't care enough to treat people properly. I think I often give too much credit to people and their intentions, but you're right @PennysIntoPounds, being anything different or going through hardships really does put you in a difficult place in society. And it often involves mistreatment or having to keep battling to be seen or heard, even when day to day life itself is a struggle 🥺.

Thank you all again for all your support and encouragement. It really has made a difference. I know a lot of my colleagues thought I was being stubborn and idealistic about wanting things to change. But I'm just not prepared to return to an environment that is as chaotic as it is toxic. I know how to deal with the people there and the toxic mindset of us working ourselves into the ground, and I won't be participating in that nonsense anymore. The job description is still vague and in my opinion missing things, but it's definitely a step in the right direction. By having more clarity and certainty, I can survive the rest of the year whilst I get my finances in order.

I've moved some money around and put an additional £14.47 into the debt buster pot, so it now sits at £40.89/£250. I should have enough saved in that pot to pay another lump sum by the end of February/early March. 

I really need to sit down and finish off my self assessment tax return to see how much has to be paid to HMRC by the end of the month. I need to make the payment next week and get on top of that, so that I can get things sorted and work out my costings for the rest of the year. I've not put enough money aside, but I'm not sure how short I am 😬.

Keedie

I've not done much in the last few days, I've been sleeping a lot and trying to rest as much as possible. It's been long overdue, but I really need to finish my homework for that digital marketing course as it ends on Monday and so I'll be busy with that all day tomorrow before we go out for Hot Chocolate Nephew's 9th birthday. 

My GP approved that I can drive under Section 88 of the Road Traffic Act whilst I was I'm waiting for the DVLA to make a decision about the renewal of my medical restricted driving licence. So I'll be able to drive to Toby Carvery tomorrow, which means my son will be coming after all. As he pulled a teenage strop when he realised that we might be taking two buses and a train there (not that I blame him, as I wholeheartedly agreed, but in reality I had to make out like he should be appreciative of transport as driving is not a given). You know, passing on parental pearls of wisdom and all that 😂.

I paid another £34.51 into the debt buster pot and so it's sitting at £75.40/£250 and should reach £250 on 1 March to pay another lump sum. I'm trying to accumulate the money every 2 months so that I can make the extra payments to hit my target of 6 lump sums this year. 

I've joined the 100 Steps to Debt Free challenge run by @CMD79, and it's really given me a lot to think about in terms of my approach to being debt free. As my starting debt at the beginning of the year was £9,000, 1 step/1% is £90. And I'd originally thought I'd have a minimum payment of £350 a month (£4,200 for the year/46.67%) of the debt). But that challenge made me realise that if I increased it to £375 a month, then it's £4,500 for the year and 50%/50 steps to debt free. Which means I just need to fund the other 50% through savings challenges, selling things and side hustles etc. So I've redone my budget to accommodate the additional £25 for my minimum payments starting from next month. 

I also sat and crunched the numbers on some of my savings challenges, and worked out that if I did the 50 envelope challenge at £1,275 and make another challenge at £75, then combined it's £1,350 and that's 15 steps/15% of my debt. So between the increased minimum payments and one large challenge for the year, that's 65% repaid. Making those two adjustments makes my goal even easier to process in my head (not the actual savings challenges bit as that will take time). But it helps nonetheless.

Cherryfudge

Good news on the permission to drive and birthday attendance! Have a great time!

Sending loads of encouragement to get that homework done and dusted - there's nothing like a deadline. Also sending virtual doughnuts, blueberries (to dilate the blood vessels supplying the brain), also a random cheesecake and some pretend ice cream to cheer you through the tricky bits. Feel free to swap them for preferred treats: so long as they are virtual they won't do any harm. (You could print out a chart and earn them at set points in the homework if it helps ).

Keedie

Thanks for cheering me on @Cherryfudge! I managed to get a fair bit done yesterday, not as much as I wanted but I did rest quite a bit, as I knew the drive to and from the restaurant was going to be long as it was 45 minutes in each direction.

But today, I'm back on it and I have my list of things that I will be focussing on today. There is so much to do. And I've been burying my head in the sand and it's come back to bite me... oh dear. I'll hopefully make it at the skin of my teeth as my last progress check-in is on Wednesday, so I have a lot to do before then.

I thought I didn't really need a clothing sinking fund as me and my son have way too much clothes, but I didn't factor in underwear and socks etc. And he's just spent £23 getting more stuff in Sports Direct, so I'm going to have to move things around and sort it out soon, so that once the money is repaid to where I took it from, I can build up a small fund for things like that.

Also, I now need to replenish the medical sinking fund as he's hurt his right wrist and we had to go to the late night pharmacy last night and get a wrist support and some ibuprofen gel and some bandages. And I need to get an eConsult booked so that he can get checked out by the doctor.

I've finally managed to get a smart meter appointment with Octopus, but I'm starting to have second thoughts about it. My mum's smart meter sends her readings all the time, but her direct debit just gets randomly changed to match her usage (she's got a different energy supplier)and I don't like uncertainty in what I am paying (yes, I am aware that I am a bit of a control freak).

I pay £100 a month and I have £415.71 in credit. I'm not sure if because the rates fluctuate every 30 mins, they're actually a lot higher at peak times and that's why they offer cheaper rates during deals etc? I'm home practically all the time and I put the heating on as soon as I feel a twinge or a blast of cold. It's all still on a timer, but I will manually put it on if I need to. I used to have it on all the time, but my son said that it was unbearably hot for him and he couldn't handle it anymore, so he's begged me to mainly stick to the timer. I don't know if I'm worrying for nothing as I do have anxiety, but I'm currently on a flexible tariff but get notified of a change, whereas the smart meter seems to be in constant flux and the website shows importing and exporting energy for discounts and my brain is hurting! I think I need to call them up and see what it all means and then ask some questions on the energy part of the forum. The appointment isn't until 29 January.

Cherryfudge

One thing at a time!

Most pressing is probably the study. The others, although good things to get done, will wait a bit. Hopefully you feel more in control once they are written down? I know making a list/discussing helps me feel I've somehow corralled the items so they can't get away till I have time and energy to deal with them.

We don't have a smart meter so I can't personally comment, but if it's something that would increase your anxiety and make you keep looking at it, do take that into consideration.

Hope you make a good dint in the course today!

Makingabobor2

I agree with @Cherryfudge about the smart meter. We thought of getting one, but I've read quite a few people having issues with them, not connecting properly signal dropping out and incorrect readings etc. Like you, I like to know what I am paying and be in control of my readings, so all the while we are able to take our own readings every month, we will stick with it. DH takes a photo each time, so there is no chance of them telling us we are wrong. 
Hope your son's wrist is ok. As someone who is still recovering from broken wrist, I can sympathise with any pain he is feeling. 

beanielou

Funnily enough my Octopus smart meter is booked for the same day as yours. 

I am keen to get it as I find the meter quite hard to read.