The Mental Debt Struggle...

Sun_Addict

My DIL just sold a Nintendo Switch in literally minutes so I’m sure he’ll get a quick sale for his PS4. It will make an ideal present for someone. 

Keedie

Yes that's what I think @Sun_Addict, this is the perfect time to sell things on. Do you know where she sold it? I was thinking of signing up for Vinted or Depop. The other things I sold recently were to people that I know needed something so I've not really ventured into this whole second hand selling community. I know one of my friends makes a small fortune on eBay and her sister sells on Facebook marketplace. But that all seems a bit hardcore and stressful with bidding and stuff. I'm admittedly a bit slow and don't understand that stuff 🤦🏾‍♀️.

I was meant to see my friend's newborn baby today, but I woke up and couldn't move properly, so I've spent the day in my bed. As I know that there's no way I could get up and down my stairs and jump on a bus etc, so I've been condemned to my flat. At least I've been having some chilled TV time in my room as hobbling around the flat is annoying, as I keep bumping into things. I clearly can't seem to hobble in a straight line 😂.

My son popped to the shops earlier and brought me some sweets, so that made me feel better, but it was very naughty of me, as I really need to keep an eye on my weight. The doctor is keeping a close eye on what I weigh as she has somewhat reluctantly increased my bipolar medication. Those antipsychotics are the same ones that messed up my liver in 2021, but I'm on a much smaller dose. But one of the side effects is weight gain and I've been told that I have to have regular blood tests and if my weight keeps going up or my blood tests are not good, then they'll have to rethink my dose.

But the 50mg I was on since August has helped to kind of regulate my sleep, but hasn't really helped with my mood. And I still sometimes hallucinate and get confused, so I know that I needed to increase it. The psychiatrist originally said I can restart the medication on 100mg, but I opted for 50mg as I'd not been on any medication since January 2022 and I know how sensitive my body is, but I've just increased to 75mg two days ago. And it was definitely a smart choice to start very low, and go up in little increments as I felt hungover when I woke up both today and yesterday.

I think I've worked out how many hours I'll be aiming for at work. I had a good mull over the budget and working between 18 and 21 hours a week seems financially viable and will allow me to have a work/life balance. There's a net difference of £81 a month after accumulating my salary and benefits based on my rough calculations between working 18 hours a week and working 21 hours a week. Is it worth working 3 hours extra a week for an additional £81 a month? My budget says yes, but a big part of me is a bit lazy 🤦🏾‍♀️ and thinks it's too much effort 😬. So I am not sure, but I will have a discussion with my manager in the new year to see what hours I am actually able to do, and I'll have to go back to occupational health as well.

I'm still very anxious about returning to work, but I just need to get my head down and improve my financial situation and confidence so that I am in a position to job hunt. I looked at my CV and realised I've not even updated it since I started this job in December 2018. So I have to figure out a list of what will help me in the next stages in terms of returning to work and being able to eventually change employment.

No fancy cooking of a roast this Sunday as I can't move properly so we're having cheesy pasta. And I can have the leftovers for lunch tomorrow. Luckily there's grated cheese, as when my son grates cheese, he somehow applies so much pressure that bits of the cheese just flies off and then I have to hunt them down and put them in the bin so that we don't encourage any little furry friends to an all inclusive cheese buffet 😂.

Cherryfudge

Sorry to hear you aren't so well today. I hope a restful day or two helps reset your well-being.  And enjoy the sweets. Perhaps save yourself some for a treat tomorrow to spread the calories out a bit, but it's nice he got them for you, which is almost as important as having them!

Re: your working hours, could you start at 18 and increase if that seems to go well?

Sun_Addict

@Keedie she just sold it on FB as far as I know. Posted it was for sale on her status then updated not long afterwards it had sold. She has a lot of friends from the kids school so guess it went to one of them. 

I hope you feel better soon. 

beanielou

Vinted is great for more low value items. 

I use FB marketplace sometimes too. 

We also have a local page where people ask for or donate FOC. 

PennysIntoPounds

Glad that you're making sure to take care of yourself. It's really encouraging that even feeling rubbish you're considering what would be best for you when you do feel able to work. Is it helpful to think of it as your next phase rather than 'going back' to work? Words have a lot of power!

Keedie

Sorry I've not been getting any notifications so didn't realise anyone had commented 🤦🏾‍♀️.

My son said he's been looking at the resale value for PS4s and reckons he can sell his for approximately £150 on Deepop (dunno if that's how it's spelt). I'll check out Vinted and Facebook marketplace, as I've actually never been on either of them, so I'll have a look and see what stuff can be sold where. He's even got some coats that he doesn't want anymore either. So if he does a ruthless delcutter and lists as much as he can, then he'll definitely make enough to pay for the rest of the PS5. 

I've been resting for the last few days and today I finally made the effort to go to the mechanics to get my car sorted as the plastic thingy that covers underneath the car is hanging on my one screw. I had to remove the rusted screw to take it off so that I could drive there. That was a painful experience. It took me so long to use that jack thingy that came with the car to lift it up so that you can change the tyre.

A bunch of men sat about 20 metres away from me, staring at me trying to battle with this stupid contraption as my hands were still stiff and I was struggling to keep turning the metal pole to lift the car. I think they thought I was crazy! But I was sitting on my picnic blanket which I had put beside the car in the estate car park so that I wasn't on the ground. It took me a good 25 mins to do everything and remove the screw and pluck out the stray bits of leaves that were lodged in there as the protective cover isn't on properly.

Then when I got to the mechanic, the guy told me that the mechanic wasn't there as his dad had passed away. That made me really sad for him, so I told the owner I'd come back on Thursday or Friday. He told me that he wouldn't charge me to put the screws back in and took the one rusty screw that I had, so that he could get the correct screws for me. So that was something nice to come out of today, as he had forgotten about my appointment and so he didn't call me to cancel it. But it was okay, as having the appointment forced me to unscrew that part as I've procrastinated about it for over a week now. This is what it looked like.

Sun_Addict

I hope you haven’t unscrewed a vital part of the car 😬 I know diddly squat about cars so not qualified to give advice. 

Keedie

On the work front, my manager has been in touch and said she was advised that we need to have a sickness review meeting with her and one of the HR Advisors in our team. Not really sure how to feel about that and I asked her if I need representation for the meeting and what it was about, and she said it's for us to discuss things and see if I have any questions for them. 

I've confirmed my attendance for next Thursday 30/11/2023 at 10:30, and I'll have a think about whether or not I'll ask someone to sit in the meeting with me. She said it can be a colleague, family member or a union rep. And considering that all my colleagues are in my team and I'm not in a union (despite having that on my to do list since forever), that only leaves a family member. So I dunno what to do with that. I'll probably just go it alone, but I've printed the sickness policy and had a browse through the disability and wellbeing pages on the university's website. But then I got all panicky and my head started hurting as there was too much information.

So I've decided to give myself a couple of days and then make a list of what I actually need and want from my 'new phase' at work (thanks @PennysIntoPounds for that mindset shift), and then go from there. I don't have to have all the answers, and I think to be kind to myself, I will ask about doing 18 hours a week when I do restart. It's a lot to consider, but I'm just going to take it one day at a time...

Keedie

Nah @Sun_Addict 😂, it's all good. I don't know much about cars either. But I'd face timed the owner of the garage, and showed him where it was still attached and he said to remove the screw so that it doesn't drag on the road as it could crack.

So I endured the embarrassment and discomfort today and that big plastic bit is now sitting in the boot of the car on top of my rollator. He reckons over time I was losing screws and not noticing, but it's now got to the point that it was just hanging down.