The Mental Debt Struggle...

Cherryfudge

That form does sound daunting, Keedie, though at least it's one you can put on hold and do in bits. Would it help to have a notebook for questions that you freeze over? So when you freeze, you save what you've done so far, write down the problematic question, close the form and go away from it? Sometimes the subconscious mulls things over and the answer comes to you a while later, or you could talk it through with someone else - maybe your Mum or a sister - and write out what they suggest so you can use that when you go back to it. Definitely not one to try to tackle all at once.

Thank you for the advice on PIP, it would make sense for me to go back to it and I noticed there's a section of that website I linked you to where it gives help to apply. At first I thought it wouldn't be worth it as I've coped all these years without, and I've heard a lot about how hard it is to get but on the other hand I can see how ADHD has held me back, so I've always been swimming against the tide and thinking it was my fault. I think it was the mental health nurse who told me they've changed something so people whose mental health leads to their applying for PIP are now more likely to succeed than previously.

Your account of that first roast dinner brought to mind a long-ago dinner cooked by my now-Dh's sister and Dad while his Mum was in hospital and I was visiting them. They carefully set everything up the evening before and we woke up to the smell of dinner at around 6am, as the alarm was programmed 12 hours earlier than they'd intended. (I still haven't worked out why it had to be in the oven not the fridge overnight, but I'll probably never know).

That sort of experience could put you off big-time, but in fact it only needs some small bit of adjustment and you can cook like a good 'un.  

I'm sorry to hear your sense of smell is affected, that's not an easy one to live with. Could it perhaps be a side effect of medication?

Keedie

Thanks for all of your advice @Cherryfudge and sorry for such a delayed response. I hope you get help with your PIP form. I'll definitely try the form in stops and starts and writing down the difficult questions to mull over and see what happens.

Things have been quite busy in the last few days and I have been feeling rather fragile. It would have been my dad's 82nd birthday yesterday and it was really tough going to the cemetery. I've been feeling a bit off in general, but that just made things tougher. I really do miss him.

But I've been thinking a lot about life and getting the most out of it, and I need to have proper think about how I will be making the changes that I need to live a happier and more fulfilled life. Financially speaking, I would love to have the security of some savings behind me. But the biggest thing that I think would give me peace about going back to work is clearing my debt to my mum. That one really niggles at me. I don't mind the Barclaycard despite it still being a whopping £7,750 left to go to clear this one.

So I think my 2024 goal is going to be clearing my debt to my mum, which stands at £2,500 at the moment. And I want to reach £1,000 for my emergency fund. I figured whilst I still have a job, I have to make a proper go at getting my debt under control whilst boosting savings. I'll still take my friend's advice and do my budget to fall in line with what my income would be if I only had benefits and no salary. But whatever difference there is between that amount and my overall income, I will put some towards debt and some towards savings. 

Whilst I've been lying in my bed staring out the window, I've been mulling over life and stuff and what I want that to look like. And I think the best gift that I can give my future self, is having a simple life and the means to travel when I can. And to feel comfortable in my flat, and declutter it and get it repainted so that I can enjoy the years that I still have here. With no lift and living on the third floor, I won't be here in a decade or two, but I'm determined to enjoy it and make it nice enough for me to homeswap later down the line.

So I need to crunch some numbers and think of my strategy for 2024, so that I can be kind enough to my future self whilst taking care of my current self mentally and physically on a daily basis.

Keedie

I think I've worked out my budget strategy moving forward until June 2024 (and then I'll reassess everything again properly - or sooner if it's just not working).

I had a good think and decided to not live on the equivalent of what my income would be if I was solely on benefits, as the drop would be too swift and I'm more likely to feel like a failure when I can't immediately stick to it. But at the same time I need to get a handle on my spending and increase my savings so that I have something to fall back on and reduce my debt to my mum. So I've increased my budget so that it's higher than the benefits, but lower than my overall monthly income. Like a happy medium. 

So here goes it...

INCOME:- £2,250 (salary, universal credit, PIP and child benefit)

OUTGOINGS:- £2,000 (fixed bills, savings and the basics)

• Bills = £1,110 (rent, council tax, TV licence, electricity & gas, internet, water rates, life insurance, car insurance, NHS prescription, Sky Mobile and subscriptions)
• Savings = £75 (£50 to Help to Save and £25 to the emergency fund)
• Debts = £300 (£50 to my mum & £250 to Barclaycard)
• Food & Home = £250 (groceries, take aways and household items like toilet paper, cleaning products etc)
• College = £200 (this is £98 for my son's travelcard and lunch money at £25 a week (£100 a month) and during months where there is a school holiday, a surplus will accumulate)
• Travel = £50 (petrol, tyre pressure and any surplus towards train fares outside of my freedom pass)
• Homely Home = £15 (light bulbs, replacing a toaster, kettle, mop, pots and pans etc).

OUTGOINGS:- £250 (spending and sinking funds)

• Son's spending money = £75 (he used to get all of his child benefit as an allowance but this has been cut back)
• My spending money = £50 (guilt-free spending on whatever I want)
• AWE List = £20 (Adaptations, Wellbeing & Experiences that will help me manage my mental and physical health, such as hydrotherapy, thicker socks, thermals, new ferrules for my crutches etc)
• Cruising = £20 (MOT, service, car maintenance)
• Christmas/Eid = £20 (Christmas = presents for my nieces, nephews, mum, eldest autistic sister who loves Christmas and my two best friend's children / Eid = niece and nephews that are muslim. I will save per child irrespective of religion/celebration preference)
• Birthdays = £15 (for all my nieces and nephews irrespective of religious affiliation, my siblings, my mum, and my best friend's children)
• Family Fun = £15 (for family activities like bowling, cinema and for the school holidays)
• Son's birthday = £15 (he's 18 next year and I want to give him a good present and a small party)
• Clothing = £10 (we don't need anything for now so this will steadily build up)
• Self-care = £5 (hair products and anything beauty related that is for the household, anything personal will come out of our respective spending money like hairdressers, eyebrow threading etc)
• Buffer = £5 (a monthly contingency should I forget to budget for something and need it)

I always keep an emergency £20 in my account at the start of the month and aim to not rely on it, so I will continue to this, but it's come in handy if I only have cash and need to use my card, and then I sort it out afterward. So I will continue to do that.

Depending on what hours I will do when I return to work, my available income above the allocated £2,250 a month will be anything from an additional £400 to £600. Whilst still on half sick pay, it'll be around an additional £75 to £100 depending on what I get for universal credit as my salary keeps fluctuating since I've entered the half sick pay period. 

With the surplus each month, I've been going back and forth trying to work out if I should use it to clear my debts or to build savings. After a good few nights tossing and turning thinking about it all, I've come to the conclusion that I need to do both so that I feel like I am making progress on both fronts.

So I've returned to my concept of Freely Debt Saving and will split the surplus as follows:

Freely = 10% (this will go towards things like topping up family fun, special events, self care or the AWE list - basically anything that might come up that we'd like to put some money aside to enjoy life).

Debt = 50% (this will keep being accumulated and for every £250 I save, I'll pay a lump sum payment to my mum)

Saving = 40% (this will go towards finishing the emergency fund, saving for my one month ahead fund and living expenses)

I'll start the new budget from December 2023, and complete Christmas and then rollover any surplus into January 2024's budget to start the Freely Debt Saving part. I still live off the previous month's accumulated income, so I will continue to do this, so December's budget will be based on what I have received in November 2023.

Aside from my son's present, my mum and my eldest sister, I've finished my Christmas shopping and just need to wrap everything. I even got some Disney wrapping paper in Lidl for £1.99 for 8 metres, so I'm all set and just need to clear my dining table to start wrapping things. 

I'm feeling more confident about having a balance between managing bills and the basics, spending money and sinking funds. But any opinions or advice or general feedback would be appreciated. I've never tried to have a two part budget before so I will need to have a bit of trial and error with it. But I'm hoping that it will help. I've been a victim of lifestyle creep whereby I've been spending everything I have and my preferences and purchasing has elevated, and I've just made some silly mistakes when I've not been mentally well. But I'm hoping to get a better balance moving forward.

Makingabobor2

Sounds like some good plans there. Good idea to have a small buffer and definitely a good idea to have the guilt free spending pot. I need to re look at all my budget. Since starting it, DH had a small payrise and then since I broke my wrist, it all seemed to go to pot as I wasn't paying attention. Will knuckle down and sort it out and start posting again on my diary.

Cherryfudge

I missed when you broke your wrist, @Makingabobor2, has it mended okay?

@Keedie, you are way ahead of me with your Christmas prep! Thankfully most of the family is doing a secret Santa so I won't have so  much planning or spending to do. I love giving presents so I still do my Mother Christmas act and stuff stockings (I can fit these in while Father Christmas is out doing deliveries: being a mother I still manage to deliver them ) and I have quite a bit still to do there, but main gifts are still waiting for the Secret Santa sorter to speak!

Keedie

I'm sorry to hear about your wrist @Makingabobor2, I hope you're feeling okay now? It's amazing how much budgets need to keep being looked at isn't it? Life just keeps on happening and we have to keep on adapting. It can get a bit too much at times. I actually need to keep an eye on the actual spending as that's more of a problem than a lack of budget 🤦🏾‍♀️.

I wish my family did Secret Santa @Cherryfudge, as it would be fun. Me and my sisters have decided not to give presents anymore as our family is just so large and it's so costly. So I get a present from my mum and my eldest sister who we also all give presents to as she gets so excited by them. 

I've already realised a flaw in the budget that I posted. I didn't account for breaks/short holidays. I don't need anything lavish, but sometimes just finding a cheap Wowcher deal for a staycation, or slowly working towards a holiday abroad. It gives me hope and I enjoy exploring what I can of the UK or the world - on a budget. So I need to go back to the drawing board 😬. At least I've still got a bit of time to play around with things before 1 December 2023.

But I did sit down today and work out which cash stuffing binders things are going into and what trackers and savings challenges I need to keep me motivated and make it more fun. I'm actually looking forward to slowly inching towards financial freedom and the different milestones that I need to hit. I definitely need small quick wins as I get bored easily and to feel like I'm working towards something that is more tangible.

I dare say I'm getting excited about working out my 2024 goals and I think having that focus will make it easier to cope with work when I do return. And when I get into the right frame of mind, it will help me to be able to look for another job also so that I can keep moving things forward. I think I need to work out quarterly goals as well, so that I can check-in with myself and see whether or not I'm on track. I also need to figure out what my actual goals are going to be as I have a strategy regarding how I'm going to fund my goals with my two part budget. I just now need to work out my actual goal for the debt and for the savings component, but I need to make sure its realistic and I'm not trying to over extend or burden myself.

Cherryfudge

We only started Secret Santa last year Keedie. My daughter's husband's family do it and she suggested we try it. We agreed a budget and I think DD used an app to arrange the draw so that no one got themselves or their partner (we could buy at our discretion within couples and for children). We also set a limit on spending and people generally used Wishlistr or other apps to send a link with present suggestions.

As the family gets bigger, we've decided to give 'family' gifts to slightly more distant relatives, as we have no idea how many children the next generation will produce eventually and we didn't want to set a precedent that we won't be able to afford when we're older! I think last year it was something practical like a voucher that could be spent as the parents thought best.

It's a great idea to build a holiday into your budget, this whole budgeting process is constantly on the move as things change but having something to look forward to is a game changer.

Keedie

I'll have to suggest Secret Santa to my sisters and hopefully they'll be on board. Restricting who is on the gift list makes sense as well @Cherryfudge.

Fingers crossed my sisters will be interested, as I missed the work Secret Santa and the work Christmas lunch, which for some reason they held this week. My manager had tried to invite me, but I shut that down. I suppose she was being nice, but the last thing I need is to delude myself into thinking that I can attend a work event whilst being off sick and still be in a position to recover at my own pace. Besides, I had a recovery college course at the time of the work lunch, so I wouldn't have gone anyways.

So, erm, I did a thing... 🤦🏾‍♀️.

My son wanted a Playstation for Christmas and I'd budgeted £130 for his present, and the Playstation with EA Sports FC (FIFA isn't FIFA anymore, as it's now with EA Sports as the sponsor or something) and the one controller was £539 in both Argos and Curry's. I couldn't bring myself to spend that money so I was waiting for the Black Friday sales so that I could get a deal and use my Curry's account to pay it slowly. Except, I snoozed on that and when I looked this evening, it was all sold out with that bundle 😬. So I had a look on Argos, and they'd reduced the console to £389 and had a deal for not-FIFA and an extra contoller for £99.99 so spent £489.99 in total. 

But here's the thing, I don't have £489.99 (well I do but I didn't want to spend it from my emergency fund as it's not an emergency and something is hanging down underneath the car that needs fixing and I need a fridge), so I opened an Argos Card! 🙊🙈. I know, I know, and I was doing so well...

I've told my son that I am still spending £130 on his present and when the direct debit is set up, I'll use that money to pay the first few payments. But he has to get his hustle on as the remaining £360 has to be paid by the end of October 2023. He's going to start looking to see how much he can sell his PS4 for, along with the games and controllers, and he's going to sell his old trainers and tracksuits and will get a job at the end of the college year once all his exams are done. I told him that he needs to really get on top of things, so that he can repay this debt and he's very fired up and determined. If he thought I was just bankrolling everything he wouldn't be so focused, so it's good to see him strategising and it means that the flat will get decluttered too which is a bonus 🤗. 

I was rather touched that he told me that he really admires me and how I manage my finances and that I inspire him. I told him that getting credit wasn't a good thing and it was a slippery slope, but showed him how to manage it responsibly. I told him that although there's a 12 month payment deal, it has to be paid in 11 months and I told him that I would help him to track what he has sold and earned to reduce the amount owed overall. 

It's not an ideal situation, but I figured that I could use it as an example to help him budget. I reckon after the stress of managing this debt, it will put him off getting into this situation again. Well that's what I'm hoping he'll get out of it anyways.

Cherryfudge

It sounds as though you'll be working on this together and he'll realise what that sort of commitment feels like. I hope he can get a decent price for the things he sells: you never know, it might set off some entrepreneurial skills! Some debt is just about inevitable, at some point so it's good to learn how to manage it responsibly.

We've just agreed this year's Secret Santa, though DS2 doesn't want to do it, and we don't know yet if his girlfriend does. They can give and receive as usual, but we set a budget for the rest of us which is more than we'd spend per person on normal gift giving, but works out as a lot less across the family. It also saves a lot of shopping and wrapping, and means the recipients get a more expensive gift.

Keedie

I think he likes the idea of a challenge @Cherryfudge, and he's been in a good mood since he knows it's been ordered. He's besides himself with excitement, but I pointed out that he needs to give up the PS4 sooner rather than later, as there will be people looking for Christmas presents and want to buy second hand consoles. He'll have a few weeks with nothing, but after that he'll get an upgrade. I told him to strike whilst the iron is hot so to speak, and that this is a prime shopping time of year, so people are looking for deals so he should wash and sell his old trainers that are taking up space in my living room. He even got up and cleaned his room without being told to do so, so who knows, maybe being 17 is a good look for him?? 🤷🏾‍♀️.

I'm still fridge hunting and there's a lot of Black Friday deals but not a lot of stock that can fit my galley kitchen 😬. My fridge is currently in a space that was once a cupboard and I had the council remove the top shelf before I moved in so that my fridge could fit. Hopefully I can get one this weekend as I'm bored of looking.

I'll leave the cooker for now. I can't handle more appliance hunting and I think I should paint my kitchen and replace the vinyl before I get a new cooker. So then that will be the last thing and the kitchen will be done.

I keep getting £2 coins in my change which is nice as my coin challenges are growing, but it's kinda annoying because I have less money to spend. Of, the plight of First World Problems huh?