The Mental Debt Struggle...

Keedie

It's so great to look back on those cringeworthy moments and be able to cherish them isn't it @Humdinger1, as you essentially get to have that moment with your parents or loved ones twice. Once as an embarrassed teenager, and then as an adult reminiscing about the magic of it all 🥰.

The last couple of days have been a bit rocky, so I've been housebound and a bit miserable to be around (apologies to my son 🫣), as I've been in a lot of pain and my mind has been playing tricks on me. Ugggh. My sleep has been all over the place as I can't get comfortable as my left side hurts and my right hip is stiff with the weather change. So I didn't do any food shopping and my son was in and out over the weekend and at college etc, so we just ate what was there and when that ran out, we lived on take away. So my budget is a bit of a mess at the moment, so I need to get on top of that. 

But I was able to save some money for my coin challenges, as I had £4 in change from £2 coins and £0.61 for my penny challenge. I'm slowly getting back into using cash more and this is really helping with not spending so much as I can't spend what I don't physically have, but tapping on my card is getting out of hand. I don't use a credit card, it's just my debit card for my bank, but it means that I am left with little money as it doesn't feel like I'm spending anything 🤦🏾‍♀️. So I sat down and worked out what needs to go in my sinking funds and how much of my budget is digital spending and how much can be done in cash, and I think I might have a better balance moving forward.

I went to a free Zoom webinar last night about steps to financial freedom and it turned out to just be a teaser session for some one day course that the dude wanted us to pay for, and he'd give us advice about our budgets and how to start investing. If he hadn't spent the first 20-30 minutes (of the one hour session) bragging about how well he's done and showing us all these testimonials, I might have felt like I could get something from a longer session. But the good part of going to that session, even though I zoned in and out, is that he was talking about basic things like budget planning and knowing what your bills are etc. And it occurred to me that I knew a lot more than I thought I did about how to manage my money and I definitely didn't need someone else to draft a budget for me based on my 'financial personality'. So as I logged off, I thought, even though my life is really hard and my mental and physical health really impacts how I do things on a day to day basis, I can actually do this. So thank you Internet Finance Guy, because you inadvertently improved my confidence...

beanielou

Sorry that you have not been feeling the best. 

You definitely know more about finances then the average person. 

Cherryfudge

That sounds like a tough few days. Even so, you not only got through, you made progress.

I suspect Beanie's right and you know a fair amount about budgeting. You will probably have looked at this page but it struck me as very wise that we need to start by knowing what we actually spend rather than what we think we should spend - so perhaps you need a takeaway budget, maybe spread over a month or a quarter so you can save from it in easier times and spend when you need to. There may also be a case for sending your son out to buy lots of milk and cereal - which you can eat at any meal and does stuff like vitamins, protein and fibre without having to plan or cook.

I hope the pain eases and you can get your sleep, it makes such a difference. (Hugs)

Sarahwithlove

Have you considered doing delivery from your local shop otherwise? Probably still cheaper than a takeaway even if more expensive than supermarket.

I love your cat tin I'm off to amazon to have a look myself now 

Cherryfudge

Just thinking of you and hoping you're okay x

~FlowerPot~

hi keedie, how are you doing? weather here is so awful i think we all want to hibernate!!

Keedie

Hi everyone, thank you for thinking of me and being so kind and giving me such useful tips. I've barely been able to sleep in the last week and a half as I started to become hypomanic again and I had to rein it in, and try and get on top of things, and it just depleted all my energy and reserves 😬. But things aren't good at the moment, but they are manageable. Well, I kind of don't really have a choice but to be really. So I'm still treading water, even though it's exhausting, it's coming together one little frantic paddle at a time...

You're really kind with your analysis of my financial understanding @beanielou, so thanks for that 😄. I do tend to go down a rabbit hole trying to figure out my way around life financially and mentally. And so I know a bit, but there's so much more to learn and this forum has been an absolute godsend.

I have been trying to be more realistic about what does and does not work for me budget wise @Cherryfudge, and you're right, a take away budget is definitely needed. I'll check out the link you've given as well. I think with costs going up and life getting harder in the cost of living crisis, I've been a bit conscious about how much I have been spending on food and it seems a tad frivolous. But the reality is that I do need to have a contingency for that, as sometimes that's just how life goes. 

I did read the messages that was left on my diary, but I was spiralling and unable to put together a coherent response, and so I couldn't respond without writing gibberish. But thank you for checking in on me, it really does mean a lot to me. And I have taken on board having things in bulk on hand, and although I got some weird looks, when hobbling around Sainsbury's, I got 5 packets of their own brand mashed potato (as it's nicer than the Smash which tastes chalky). And I picked up staple things like toilet paper and washing up liquid. I figured if I can have things like pasta and rice and things like that lying around, that I slowly build up a surplus of, then it will really help me.

When my son was younger, we used to go to Costco and I always had surplus of staple things, but having nothing much of anything has also led to the take away reliance. So I think being organised, but being realistic about everything will help us both. My son did a big shop in Lidl and was very proud of being under budget even though he got way too many snacks and protein shakes 🤦🏾‍♀️. But seeing him in his element made me realise that I don't have to keep shielding him from the reality of my disabilities, as he already lives through it, and it's not bad to ask him for help whilst teaching him essential life skills. I'd not thought of deliveries from local shops @Sarahwithlove, but that makes sense. I have a friend who seems to get lots of deals from local shops on Getir and Gorillaz, so I need to check that out.

In the last 2 weeks, I've been thinking more about how I can have general food shopping and have money for those times when things are just too hard. And I've realised that doing one big monthly shop of around £100/£120 including things for easy meals like mince, sausages, chips etc, and freezing some stuff will help me with a base standard of food. Then I can have a small fresh food budget that my carer can help me with when she comes on a Monday morning. The rest can then go towards a take away pot. I think getting back to cash stuffing properly will keep me accountable and allow me to manage things properly.

Budgets do definitely need to be personal and reflect individual circumstances. And I need to ensure that I have proper contingencies in mine. I watch a lot of YouTube budgeting videos, and it helps to see other people getting on top of their own finances and making budgeting fun. So I will definitely be finding ways to have a budget that is flexible enough to adapt to my many fluctuations in life. My son said I should just do my own YouTube channel, as I'd toyed with the idea in the past and created a channel but didn't film or post anything. He said that he thinks I would enjoy it, but I'm not so sure. I tend to ramble quite a lot and that will probably irritate people and when I have times like I've had in the last few weeks, filming and editing a video would be the last thing on my mind! He's been trying to encourage me to put the savings challenges that I've created for myself onto Etsy and he thinks they're really good. Personally, they just make things more colourful for me, I don't think anyone else would want them. But maybe that's a thought for when I'm well enough to work and able to think about starting another income stream as I hated freelancing HR.

My Barclaycard payment came out today, so I'm officially in the £7k bracket with that one now 🎉. I'm so very near being under £10k overall. I might pinch myself and doing a little happy dance when that happens. I've been putting aside a bit more into my emergency fund so that I can use it to replace my fridge freezer and cooker if a good deal comes up in the Black Friday sales. I need to actually both items now to see if they are discounted at that time and what is actually a good deal and what is just marketing hype. As prices tend to inflate before a sale so that it looks like you're getting a better deal than you actually are. 

But a good sale I took advantage of, was The Works as they have 3 for £12 on kinds toys, and so I got my 2 nieces and 3 nephews and my friends' kid's presents (4/5 with two presents each), all for £72 in total. The big box came today but I was too tired to open it and go through it all to check it was all there, so I will do that tomorrow. 

I got a reality check about selling my car the other day. I walked and did everything on public transport and made the mistake of trying to do a mini trot to catch a bus (which I missed 🤦🏾‍♀️😂), and after that I felt weak and I was in bed for two days... So yeah, I need to redo my budget to include the car until it's MOT. That will see me through the winter. I think I need to give up driving when it's warmer, as the damp (and constant rain) in response to your query about the weather down here in South London @~FlowerPot~, has chilled me to the bone and I'm struggling to mobilise even more. So I think I'll suck up the costs, and stop driving when it's warmer. So that by next winter I'm accustomed to doing things on foot and via public transport. I won't get much for my car as it's a Honda Jazz from 2008, but I'll use whatever I get at that point, to go into my debt payment to my mum. I'm in the process of trying to make myself some savings challenges, that are smaller and more achievable amounts, that will allow me to get a sense of achievement for completing them. And they'll all be in one binder, for me to use that money to clear my debts. It'll take me a while to recover from being on half sick pay and my new hours when I do return won't be that high anyway, so that last £10k will be slow going, but I aim for it to be more fun and rewarding than the first £12k, as that was just stressful with all my overthinking all the time. Lol, oh well, such is life.

Keedie

Oh I forgot to say @Sarahwithlove, that my cat tin is from Tooarts on Amazon and they have a few different animals. And they also do ceramic money boxes as well.

PennysIntoPounds

Impressed you recognised you weren't at your best and took some time out of everything. Often being able to recognise these things is the hardest part! 
Great that you got some Christmas presents in, and that they're bargains.
Good idea to research current prices on big spends before the sneaky companies try to fool us all, grrr
That's so sweet that your son was proud of his budgeting with the Lidl big shop, definitely his mother's child!

Sun_Addict

Sorry to hear you’ve not been feeling too good. I hope you start to feel better soon. Good idea to keep the car for winter. Your son is a treasure and a real credit to you.