The Mental Debt Struggle...

badmemory

It is hard isn't it to learn the lesson of it really would be wiser if I didn't do this or that.  After my op I hadn't realised just how little I was going to be able to do after all they were sending us out of hospital the next day.  Having to rely on DS, who is a lot older than yours, to deal with the commode, was a real learning curve, but he took it all in his stride.  I was amazed the things he dealt with without blinking considering one of his problems is being able to touch someone & he was dealing with plasters.  It did however make me realise that it should carry on especially as it actually seemed to help him.

Cherryfudge

Yay to the deep-cleaner you have magicked up! Actually, more likely painstakingly brought up with many a hurdle to be overcome en route and here he is emerging as a lovely young adult. And yay for meal prep, it's what I call 'loving your future self'.

I think letting others do things for us is a difficult skill to learn, but people like to feel wanted and needed, so asking for or accepting help can be doing someone a favour.

AntoMac

I’m loving what you’ve done here with your openness Keedie.
You’ve got a number of people thinking and talking  about self care and the myth of whatever ‘normal’ is.
What a boring World this would be if any one of us was indeed ‘normal’. 

Keedie

I'm baaaack! (I say that like I was missed 😂😂😂).

Anyways, the pain management programme ended last week and as predicted we did go out to eat and it was a good night. My frugal approach at the beginning of the last week with eating my leftovers really did help and I was able to enjoy my meal and non-alcoholic drinks and not be anxious about the bill. We went to a restaurant called Giraffe on the embankment near the London Eye.

Things were a bit of a whirlwind once I left the hospital, as I had to unplait my son's hair, so that he could wash it and then re-plait it for his birthday which was on Saturday and mine was on the Sunday. So a very busy weekend, and I did admittedly slip into old habits of doing too much and too much people pleasing which led to a lot of pain and frustration. But I'm getting better at trying to rein it in. So baby steps in the right direction is better than standing still after all. I'm having to consciously remind myself @badmemory that I need to take things slower, that it is okay to ask for help and I've always felt guilty for doing so. But seeing the pride on my son's face when he has more responsibility and learns something new or masters something, is really rewarding for me too.

My son has surprised me these last few weeks, I think me being in the hospital for my programme forced him to grow up a bit and he got one night a week home alone whilst I was away. He seems to have more appreciation for me and we've been hanging out together more. We still annoy each other as is the relationship between teenager and parent sometimes, but he seems to be more tolerant when I am struggling with things. He was 7 when I had my operation and caught that infection that left me disabled, so this is just how life is for him. But I think he's seen me trying to be Superwoman and at times hasn't fully appreciated what it mentally and physically costs me to do so. And I have gotten better at not wanting to seem as invincible. It doesn't help anyone in the long run.

That's still a lot of people in Britain @PennysIntoPounds. I still thought there was 7 million people in London and it's only when I looked on Google just now, that I realised it's 9.6 million people. No wonder that I constantly feel suffocated by the number of people around me 🤦🏾‍♀️. But you're right, there definitely cannot be a one size fits all approach to life as we're all unique, and like @AntoMac says, we'd live in a very boring world if we were all the same. Also thank you for such a kind compliment AntoMac, I really am touched by how you view my diary and its impact. I've very slowly come to realise, albeit at times at a high personal cost, that self care and being kind to our future selves is really the crux of life (in my opinion). That's what sees us through from one milestone to another. 

I had a big think about that in terms of my finances as well, and decided to just make things even simpler. I cleared out my Debt Buster pot and put some to build up my emergency fund and some for (sensible) Prime Day purchases. You know, like those boring adulting things like a new soft close toilet seat, laundry detergent and Calgon tablets (we're really living the dream over in my house 😂). But I did put my birthday money to good use, and brought myself a nice little metal cat shaped money tin for my spare change that I had my eye on, but couldn't justify buying. But it went down to half price and I brought a book on mental illness.

It all got me thinking and I've changed my AWE List from Adaptations, Wellbeing and Equipment to Adaptations, Wellbeing and Experiences. I really want to live life more and I think experiencing as much as you can of life (without breaking the bank), is the greatest form of self care. It's not just nice things to pamper yourself like a facial or massage. It's about doing things that your future self will thank you for. And so that is something I definitely want to do more of moving forward.

With my reorganising of funds, I've now got £450 in my emergency fund. And my fridge is really asking to be retired, so I will replace that in the Black Friday sales and then restart it. My son's dad owes me £135 as a refund for my son's birthday party booking that got cancelled. The party he ended up having was at his dad's flat, so the lounge that was originally booked was no longer needed. So that will go towards the fridge as well, because I will need them to remove the old one and that tends to bump the price up a bit. Fingers crossed there are some good deals out there this year🤞🏾.

I've broken the news to my son that I will be definitely selling the car. Not sure how much I will get for it. But I'll save half and use the other half for debts. I really hate driving and find it painful and stressful and so I've been looking into electric bikes. You can hire them just like car clubs from what I've seen. But I'll do a test drive of an electric bike with Halfords and see if it is something I can realistically do as I really do miss cycling. But if it's all too much, especially as my joints aren't happy in damp weather, then I'll stick to public transport in the winter and try again with the electric bike in the summer.

I'm going to have to apply to renew my driving licence very soon as the one year medical restriction for the bipolar runs out in mid-January 2024, and unless I get an extension I can't be on the road anyways. I was a bit paranoid that they'd not let me drive (I want the choice to stop driving to be my own and not enforced by the DVLA), as I've been off sick for most of this year and I've gone back onto medication. But my sisters said that it doesn't make sense to think that, as people are driving all the time and people have restrictions for multiple reasons and if they banned everyone that had a relapse, there'd be no need for things like congestion charges and ultra low emission zones. I'd like to think that they're correct, but mental illness gets quite a bad rep, and I've actually seen people recoil or move away from me when I've said that I've got bipolar (it's not exactly contagious!🤦🏾‍♀️🤷🏾‍♀️). So we'll just see.

beanielou

Belated happy birthday to you both

PennysIntoPounds

Belated happy birthdays 🎉

Good call on the car, and think how nice it'll be to pay off a chunk of debt in one swoop!

AntoMac

Oh you were missed Keedie but we knew you were doing stuff  that you needed to do, and it sounds like it has gone well. Of course there are still challenges for you but the overall direction still seems positive. 

Don’t forget there might be the odd additional Perks at Work deal when it comes to buying electricals. 

Cherryfudge

Happy Birthday @Keedie and Keedie's son!

peb

So pleased to hear from you.

Yes, do ensure you keep your driving licence, then you always have the choice.  You can always hire a care if necessary.

I understand that you are in pain when driving so it makes sense to give up the car, just one thing though - is it an automatic?  I know they can be easier to drive.  I don't drive in London though and it's a lot busier than my area and no doubt much more stressful.

Hopefully there will be good outcomes from the pain management clinic.

Keedie

Thank you all for the birthday wishes, it is very much appreciated! 🎉

The last few weeks have been really insightful and I need to make some proper changes, but I have been able to make baby steps in the right direction for now. 

My car is manual @peb and I find it too overwhelming and painful to keep driving, but if I do decide to get back on the road at a later stage then I'll definitely get an automatic car. I'm hoping to keep my licence so that I do have the choice to drive, as I don't like it, but I don't want that decision to be taken away from me.

I'll have 2 years I believe to get back on the road and retain the 9+ years of no claim discount. But I don't know if I'll really bother, there doesn't seem much point in chasing a discount on something you don't enjoy doing. My freedom pass runs out in 2027, so until that point, I can hobble around for free, and if I can keep the licence ticking over, I can hire a car if the situation really calls for it. 

My little blue cat money tin arrived last night from Amazon and my son was trying to hide his laughter about how excited I got unboxing it 😂. I know he thinks I'm really sad, but I didn't care. I think sometimes you have to make savings and budgeting fun or you'll go mad. 


I'm still not sure of what he'll be called yet, but when I mentioned that, there was an involuntarily chuckle from my son, as I know he thinks naming a money tin is the height of uncool madness 🤣. But that's his opinion, and I saved £2.38 in change which I was able to chuck in there. So yay to me.