The Mental Debt Struggle...

Sun_Addict

You’re doing great even though you think you’re not. I’m glad the clinic was successful and you made some friends. Always good to have a few like minded allies 🙂

beanielou

If you could pay just a quid off Barclay add you would be in the 7’s 🤩

Cherryfudge

Lovely to hear from you and to know the last couple of weeks have been beneficial. And great that you have a bunch of new friends. You will be able to remind each other what you've learned as well as understanding where you are all coming from.

Just a thought with the meals: I don't know what your preferred foods are or if you have particular dietary needs, but  good standby is to bake as many large potatoes as will fit in your cooker, then freeze them. They don't have to be the ones sold as 'baking potatoes' as they charge a premium for the label. Then do some toppings - mince-based or similar can be frozen in takeaway containers if you feel up to cooking, or baked beans, grated cheese, sour cream etc. That's a  cheap and healthy meal you can grab when cooking is too much, as you just need to ping it in the microwave. You could probably even use a takeaway curry as topping - work out the percentage cost saved if it helps.  

AntoMac

Great to hear that you found some kindred spirits on your course Keedie. Another successful month bringing the overall debt down so it’s good to see that things are still on a positive trajectory

Keedie

Hey everyone, I woke up early and was going to pack as I go back into hospital for the last week @peb as it's a 3 week programme that I have been on. But then I just got kinda lazy and so I've been chilling in my bed and have been watching YouTube videos and browsing the MSE forum🫣. I'm counting it all as a productive use of my time 😂.

As I live on a council estate there's lots of properties all using fibre, and there's more than one company servicing the area @badmemory, as well as the properties on the side streets, so that could well be a factor. I hadn't thought of that. The last time my network was 'unstable' and so annoying was during the pandemic when everyone was home and all the 5G towers were installed. Maybe O2 are letting too many people use their network and that's making it so weak as well 🤷🏾‍♀️.

I do claim PIP @dawnybabes and it really does help each month. Although ironically, having PIP took me over the threshold for the college bursary, as they count all gross income irrespective of the reason that you receive it. My friend is disabled and unable to work at the moments and she rents via a housing association and her rent is very high as her home is not small, and so her universal credit reflects the high rent, but as a result of that, the college her son attends stated that her income was too high due to her universal credit award even though it's for her rent, and so he was ineligible for the bursary.

The pain management programme (PMP) has definitely been worth it @Makingabobor2, @Sun_Addict and @AntoMac. And making friends with like minded people has been a game changer for me, and has allowed me to think outside the box and to see how other people manage their conditions. Even though it's very draining and it's a lot of sitting around and talking about life, pain and how we currently do things and how we can do things differently, it's all going in and it's shaping the way that I see things very slowly. 

I've been thinking more and more about driving. I had the discussion with my PMP friends and they just got it and didn't make me feel silly about no longer wanting to drive. I find it very painful changing gears (my fault for getting a manual car), exhausting and overwhelming trying concentrate on so many things at once and frustrating as in London they've closed soooo many side roads that all traffic is funnelled onto the main roads. They all understood and shared their stories of how their ability to tolerate driving has decreased as their health has deteriorated. I don't really go out much, but I went to my mum's yesterday as I've not really seen her as I've been away, and my son stays with her whilst I'm gone. I helped her with some stuff online that she couldn't work out, and I got there and back by bus with my freedom pass, and walking slowly with my stick. It felt so much better to do that instead of sitting in so much traffic, the bus was quicker due to the bus lane and I was able to read on my kindle app on the iPad.

Thanks for those meal prep tips @Cherryfudge, as that's very useful. We don't really have any dietary requirements and anything that can help with cutting down on the time to prepare or cook anything and save money is a winner. That Healthy Eating on a Budget course that I found is restarting on 3 November for 7 weeks, so I might see if there is any places left on that and if I qualify for a free place as I don't have £170 knocking about to pay for a course. I also need to have a good think about what we actually like to eat. Being fed balanced and nutritious lunches whilst on the pain management programme has made me realise how much I could be doing and things like lasagne or cottage pies etc, are perfect for portioning into smaller pieces to stretch. I've also seen an anti-fatigue mat on Amazon that will help, as standing in one place is painful and sitting on a perching stool to cook is awkward as I'm leaning forward as I can't tuck my feet under a cooker or worktop. So I need more things like that which I can put on my AWE List (Adaptations, Wellbeing and Equipment), that make me feel better and live as independently as possible.

Oooh I hadn't thought of that @beanielou. I'm £1 away from being in the £7k bracket on my Barclaycard. Definitely something to consider. I'm not really sure what I should be doing with my £250 overpayments from my Debt Buster fund. My heart says to give it all to my mum so that I completely clear my debt to her. My head says to pay some to my mum and the rest to Barclaycard so that they're both coming down. I don't know what kind of money or balance transfers will be around this time next year, or what the interest rate will end up being on the Barclaycard if I can't get a transfer but still have over £4k left by December 2024. I'll need to have a think about that. 

But the Debt Buster pot got a boost today as my sister paid £75 and the account earned a couple of pennies of interest, so it went up by £75.09 and is now £126.05/£250. The emergency fund is inching back up as well, with my £50 standing order and £1.73 interest so that was a boost of £51.73 and so it's now £375.73/£750.

Yesterday I had a good look at where I can shave a bit here and there with my budget realised that with the new budget layout and categories that I have been trying to work with, I need to have an understanding of what I am doing month to month. So I have created 4 semi-permanent budget outlines based on different amounts of accumulated income. I'm still yet to have a full month at half sick pay so I guesstimated what that might be altogether with the universal credit, PIP and child benefit. I've done it in £250 a month increments, as I still don't know when I'll be able to return to work or what hours I will be able to do. So I've kind of worked out where I might stand taking into account those different variables. 

And last night, was the easiest month so far to move everything into all of the different pots etc for October, as I had everything worked out, and I've got a balance of bills, debt, spending and savings. Then if I have enough from the previous month to jump to the next budget threshold, I can have more in spending, debt repayments and savings as my fixed expenses remain the same. It's not a perfect science, but it has taken the stress out of not knowing what I am doing month to month. I've decided that if my earnings from one month is in between the thresholds that I've set, then I have to always go with the lower level budget figures and tweak according to activities/priorities for that month. And I have set the lowest budget amount by rounding down, so that there is an ongoing buffer that will steadily increase over time. That made more sense than trying to save for an actual buffer, and the money is there if I really need it... 🤞🏾.

Cherryfudge

Keedie said:

 making friends with like minded people has been a game changer for me, and has allowed me to think outside the box and to see how other people manage their conditions.

This is so true! Did you know that one of the reasons I gravitate to your diary is that you have insights I don't, so that helps me look at my own situation afresh? 
Similar to @beanielou's point about tipping the amount owed over into the next thousand.  

Sun_Addict

I joined a carers group at work because I feel so different to “normal” people and it’s good to connect with others who aren’t necessarily looking after elderly parents which seems to be the default for carers - no we’re not all looking after elderly people! If you can “find your tribe” and get some support it’s priceless 🙂

PennysIntoPounds

I am so impressed with you participating in this Keedie, I'm really glad you're getting lots out of it. 
Absolutely agree with what @Sun_Addict says, there are nearly 80 million people in Britain alone and we only ever hear and see the 'normal' that society wants us all to be, that's a lot of people who aren't finding their niche or support! I often think 'should I put this on my diary' because frankly my life doesn't reflect well on me in terms of what I've been able to achieve and what I struggle with, but I also think if anyone with more pride than me 😂 finds reading about an issue that's been admitted to helpful, then it's at least making use of those challenges.
Sorry, that was a very long way of saying good on you!

Keedie

Finding your tribe in life makes all the difference doesn't it @Sun_Addict? I'm glad you've got your carers group, it really helps to be able to share and express a side of yourself with like minded individuals, that the average person without your lived experience, just won't get. I'm so glad that I've got my friends for the physical challenges and I also have my bipolar support group for the mental side of things. I just need to find a creative writing group now and I think that will altogether, go a long way to helping me get back on track. Kinda like how Stella Got Her Groove Back, but the Keedie version 😂.

Aww I'm glad that my random wittering on is useful to someone @Cherryfudge. I've just found your diary and subscribed to it. I think quite a lot as my brain never shuts off (thanks bipolar 🙄😂), and so I keep trying to come up with different ways to look at things or do things. I've found the MSE Forum and watching budget videos on YouTube so fascinating and enlightening. It makes me really think about life, and all the many different ways there is to do things. 

I'd no clue there was that much people in Britain @PennysIntoPounds! We're so tiny as well. I found out the other week that UK is 35.93% the size of the state of Texas in America, as we fit into Texas 2.8 times 😳😳😳! Mindboggling. But yeah, there is definitely a preoccupation with the 'default/norm', and I don't think most people actually feel like they neatly fit into that to be honest. I probably overshare to be honest... 🤦🏾‍♀️. But thank you, and I agree, if it helps someone then that's a bonus, and I have never thought of myself as 'normal' and when I stopped trying to be, my whole world opened up. Now I quite like being quirky. I can't be anyone else anyways. I've just subscribed to your diary as well.

I've been wasting money the last two weeks on this programme as we get breakfast (but I just use their milk as I'm not a cornflakes, rice crispies or weetabix fan so I eat my alpen or something else), and we get a 2 course lunch, but have to sort out our own dinner. So I've been eating some pretty tasteless ready meals and spending a small fortune as well. Buuuut, I finally pulled my finger out today and made cheesy pasta for lunch and put some in a container to have tomorrow and I made a stir fry for dinner and put some container to have on Tuesday. As Wednesday is our last night as the programme ends on Wednesday, I'm not sure if the group will go out to eat in a pub or somewhere, but if they don't, then I'll get another ready meal. But at least I'm not spending money I don't have for the next few days. I even brought some snacks in Lidl and Tesco and brought them with me and got bits that my son likes and dropped them to my mum's.

I must say, this programme has really made me think about how I do the everyday little things. We had a session in the week, and one of the strategies we learnt about on our journey to being kinder to ourselves and dealing with chronic pain, is the Choice Test. When we have to do something, think of it as a crossroads, with one path being your normal way of doing something and the other pathway being how you can still achieve something, but the kinder way in which you can approach it.

So I've been trying to put that in place, and even just simple things like not taking too many things up and down the stairs, as I try to get it over with so that I don't do the stairs too often, but I really struggle with any sort of load. So today, I knew that I had to go food shopping and my son would have to bring it up, so I packed my suitcase and left it by the door and told him to bring it down when I call him when I'm back from the shops for him to bring the shopping up. He had no problem with that as he doesn't feel the load the way that I do. Normally I would try to struggle as I don't want to be a burden. But I'm realising that it's okay to ask for help, and I don't need to do too much in one day or at a time. I've even put us both on a rota for chores. He seems to really be enjoying it too, and it inspired him to have a huge deep clean and sort out in his room as well! Bit speechless, but we'll see how long it lasts 🤣.

PennysIntoPounds

Haha, amazing work on your son being not just willing but enthusiastic!

That's really good you're starting to factor kindness-to-self into activities. Sad though that we have to be literally taught to go against our ingrained sense of what achieving is to find basic ways to manage...

I must correct myself as I just checked official stats (well, googled) and apparently there are over 67 million people in Britain, I have previously read that it's likely to be significantly higher than that but I can't recall the source and don't want to spread false information so my apologies! Still far more people than can fit into a 'one size fits all' version of needs, challenges, and skills though! I am so, so pleased to hear about you feeling less alone and more confident in tailoring your life to your needs 😊