Money Moral Dilemma: Should we leave our friend out of rounds at the pub?

bots00

MSE_Kelvin said:

This week's MoneySaver who wants advice asks...

My mates and I regularly go to the pub for a catch-up, taking turns to buy rounds. One of our friends often 'conveniently' disappears to the toilet or goes for a smoke when it's his round. We've spoken to him about it, but nothing's changed. Should we start to leave him out of rounds - which could cause problems in the group - or ignore it, as we have been doing?

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Well firstly is he REALLY a friend. Dodging a round would suggest you need to bin him off. Haha

But a kitty or whip is definitely the answer. Just don't put "round dodger" in charge of it

primrose_penguin

Why don't you just suggest as things are so expensive at the moment you think it is a good idea to all buy your own drinks. Doing it this way will spare your friends feelings, especially if he cannot afford to buy rounds (which must be quite expensive), and you all won't all feel hard done by if he disappears when it is his turn. I go out with my pals each week to a quiz night at a pub and we always buy our own drinks, it is much fairer as some only have a soft drink because of driving whereas others have a more expensive drink.

Groom

Unless everyone drinks the same it is a custom that should be stopped. It's very unfair on those who just have one drink, then switch to soft drinks because they are driving, if they then subsidise those who are drinking spirits ( probably the ones who then ask for a lift home as well). Suggest that in future you all buy your own.

It's the same when you go out for a meal, especially if it is a regular thing. It used to annoy me when I noticed that some people always had the most expensive item on the menu, knowing that when the bill was split they ended up paying less. That problem was solved by one person paying but then collecting what each person owed. 

Pollycat

Groom said:

Unless everyone drinks the same it is a custom that should be stopped. 

And unless everybody is comfortable drinking at the same speed.

TykeDahnSarf

A man walks into a pub, accompanied by a heron and a ginger cat. He orders 3 pints. When they've finished their beers, the heron buys the next round. When it's the cat's round, he's in the loo so the man pays. This goes on all evening - every time it's the cat's round he's sneaked off.

Eventually the barman asks the man about his drinking companions, in particular about the stingy cat.

"It's my own fault." he sighs. "I  did a favour for a fairy and she granted me a wish."

The barman looked puzzled.

The man elaborated. "i wished for a tall bird with a tight !!!!!!."



You're welcome!

Honey_Bear

It depends on how much you value everyone's friendship, I'd have thought.  You describe the group as 'mates' so I'm assuming you all get on but you're not close and therefore don't know this particular mate's circumstances.  He may be unable to afford rounds at the moment but wants the support of remaining in the group, so if everyone's happy with that arrangement and wants to just carry on that would make sense.  However, it appears that you're not happy with the arrangement so that needs to resolved. 

Do you know if anyone else in the group shares your feeling that what's happening isn't fair - you've said that doing anything about it would cause problems in the group but you are subsidising this guy's drinking and resentful enough to ask the question in a public forum (if it's a genuine post) so it's already causing a problem.

You say 'we've spoken to him about it' so it's been discussed with him at some point which would have been an uncomfortable few minutes for anyone involved, but nothing's changed.  That's a bit of a red flag.

How important is he within the group and how important is the group to you?  Whatever is finally decided is really about those two issues, I'd have thought.

Edina_Typhoon

My husband and I have a similar situation with another couple.  When we go out to eat together, they invariably order the most expensive dishes on the menu, order side dishes and want expensive bottles of wine whereas we tend to order mid-priced dishes and would be happy with house wine.  Invariably they assume we will split the bill 50/50.  I reckon it costs us at least £20 extra each time, but when I suggest to my husband that we ask for separate bills, he says not to rock the boat.   With the drinks rounds dilemma, I'd say you need to find out if he can't afford his round, but assuming he can, make a point of asking him to get the first round in.

TripleH

When I was a student, I had a limit of 3 pints in a night. I avoided rounds because I never had a chance keeping up with my friends. Yes there was a little teasing about being a lightweight but noone minded that I didn't join in if a large group.

If a smaller group (3-4) I'd  join in mixing soft drinks in (often my round).

Maybe split into groups within the group according to how 'thirsty' everyone is.

The biggest tip is to drink to your comfort levels and stuff what anyone else says.

Pollycat

Edina_Typhoon said:

My husband and I have a similar situation with another couple.  When we go out to eat together, they invariably order the most expensive dishes on the menu, order side dishes and want expensive bottles of wine whereas we tend to order mid-priced dishes and would be happy with house wine.  Invariably they assume we will split the bill 50/50.  I reckon it costs us at least £20 extra each time, but when I suggest to my husband that we ask for separate bills, he says not to rock the boat.   With the drinks rounds dilemma, I'd say you need to find out if he can't afford his round, but assuming he can, make a point of asking him to get the first round in.

"not rock the boat"?
I think it's your greedy friends who are rocking the friendship boat.
They are taking advantage of you. That's not what friends do.

Abbafan1972

Pollycat said:

Edina_Typhoon said:

My husband and I have a similar situation with another couple.  When we go out to eat together, they invariably order the most expensive dishes on the menu, order side dishes and want expensive bottles of wine whereas we tend to order mid-priced dishes and would be happy with house wine.  Invariably they assume we will split the bill 50/50.  I reckon it costs us at least £20 extra each time, but when I suggest to my husband that we ask for separate bills, he says not to rock the boat.   With the drinks rounds dilemma, I'd say you need to find out if he can't afford his round, but assuming he can, make a point of asking him to get the first round in.

"not rock the boat"?
I think it's your greedy friends who are rocking the friendship boat.
They are taking advantage of you. That's not what friends do.

I would have to sort that out straight away - I'm not tight, but don't see why you should be subsidising other peoples' expensive food.