Money Moral Dilemma: Should we leave our friend out of rounds at the pub?

matrix11001

MSE_Kelvin said:

This week's MoneySaver who wants advice asks...

My mates and I regularly go to the pub for a catch-up, taking turns to buy rounds. One of our friends often 'conveniently' disappears to the toilet or goes for a smoke when it's his round. We've spoken to him about it, but nothing's changed. Should we start to leave him out of rounds - which could cause problems in the group - or ignore it, as we have been doing?

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I agree if he's purposely avoiding it because he's tight, greedy or taking advantage then take issue.

If it's because he can't afford it perhaps don't put pressure on him to join in the rounds in the first place. I for one drink slower than most people so if he doesn't want to match all of you drink for drink perhaps it would be better for him to buy a drink for the one who buys him one and only that person. If you don't drink much, want to pace yourself or can't afford massive expensive rounds then he should feel free to opt out from the start. In this case I think he's either taking advantage or hoping people don't notice so he should be challenged in this case.

I hate being part of rounds, especially with lots of people - if you have water in one or more of those rounds you end up subsiding everyone else's night even if you can't afford it or want to match people drink for drink. Better to not do rounds to keep the pressure of people and not force them into rounds when they don't feel comfortable with it or want to drink less for any reason.

Rounds may be a tradition for some people but for some people it's best to give them an opt out from the start and not feel pressured into rounds when they'd rather be responsible for their own drinks - less stress that way!

Hope that helps.

bigalinsk

As mentioned by others, you will know if he is strapped for cash, or just being a leech on the group. If you are a good group of friends you would not mind supporting a mate in need. If he is playing you, then on your next visit to the pub, announce that he is buying the first round, and not missing his subsequent turns. We used both of these methods when I was a regular at the rugby club. 
There is another type of mate who stands his round, but always waits 'til last, so he usually buys one less than everyone else. 

pinkangorasweater

Quietly establish if your mate is having financial difficulties - in which case he should not be accepting drinks - if so, find a way around the problem, stop the rounds for everyone or have a kitty. 
If he can afford to pay just chooses not to, then he is mean. Mean people aren't just mean about money, they are mean with their time, their affection, their attention. It's all about taking as much as possible from everyone else while giving as little as possible. It's like having blue eyes. Nothing to be done about it, it's a fault. They can't help it, will never change and you need to stop pandering to him. You're just all mugs in his eyes. He would take from anyone and everyone, including those he likes the most. 

yorkie22

Some years ago when my husband was in the local club there was the same type of person who did the same trick. When it was his turn on the round he would get up and go to the loo, even though the group asked him to get the drinks in on the way back he never did. Maybe some one should have a word with your friend, it may be he can't afford a round. If this is the case suggest he buys only his own drinks then he won't have to keep up with the rest and he will know his limits. 

honestcove

You could all go to the toilet at the same time.

Pollycat

MSE_Kelvin said:

This week's MoneySaver who wants advice asks...

My mates and I regularly go to the pub for a catch-up, taking turns to buy rounds. One of our friends often 'conveniently' disappears to the toilet or goes for a smoke when it's his round. We've spoken to him about it, but nothing's changed. Should we start to leave him out of rounds - which could cause problems in the group - or ignore it, as we have been doing?

What was his response when you spoke to him about it?
That's a very important piece of information that hasn't been included.

I would not include anyone in buying rounds of drinks (I personally dislike this practice in groups of more than 2) if they are not paying their way.

You say leaving him out of rounds could cause problems in the group but it's already causing problems in the group because he's free-loading on his friends.

Pollycat

This is a response to this thread:
Money Moral Dilemma: Should we leave our friend out of rounds at the pub? - Page 4 — MoneySavingExpert Forum

oldskooltattoosuk

If he's skint why he is even going to a pub , let alone free-loading from his friends.. His priorities are all wrong..If he's just too tight then tell him so.....Friend or no friend i would have to say something, it's not fair on you or the rest!!

Dizzybird_22

To be honest I find the whole buying 'rounds' tricky and sometimes uncomfortable.  I'm not a big drinker, and I probably don't want as many drinks as those buying alcohol. I don't have a lot of spare cash, so would happily buy my own drink at the beginning,  and have that last most of the evening. Then leave the rest of the group to do their own  thing. You could,  as I someone else suggested have a cash pot, where everyone puts money into it at the beginning (not sure how that works in a cashless scenario). If not the most diplomatic of the group needs to ask the friend if they want to be in on the rounds, they need to contribute,  if not, they will be left to buy their own drinks . 

leedsbird

I would always suggest a kitty or a whip depending where you come from! Everyone puts in the same, take it in turns to go to the bar. If your friend doesn’t want to contribute, that’s a clear signal for him to buy his own drinks, no one is offended .