Debt and Caring

WelshmansDaughter

@Cherryfudge I'm in Ireland. We do have a similar care monitoring system but it only really measures the tangible. It isn't like the inspector goes in undercover as a dementia patient. 
I spoke to the public health nurse about it and she has suggested I make a formal complaint. 
I'm not sure if I mentioned it already but the issue that really had me concerned is when we picked him up he had gotten his wedding ring off his finger and into his mouth where he chomped down on it so hard that it flattened the ring. He only sucks his fingers when thirsty so the nurse mentioned he might have been dehydrated. 
People should not be allowed to set up these massive care homes as businesses or just as a care model. It just doesn't work. You can't get staff, it's demoralizing and you're making people spend all day around people who are suffering without any real way of making them feel better. It's too overwhelming for the human psyche and it shuts people down, makes them do the bare minimum.

Cherryfudge

WelshmansDaughter said:

 He only sucks his fingers when thirsty so the nurse mentioned he might have been dehydrated.

That's terrible - neglect is a form of abuse and staff should be trained, not only not to do it but to report it to management (or police or an authoritative body such as CQC) immediately. In England it's a safeguarding issue.

There are a number of levels on which what you've described should be reported: care staff appear not to have given him adequate drinks or if they have, they've not monitored his fluid intake. They haven't taken care of his property (neglect again, and possibly material abuse as they weren't aware he had the ring in his mouth, so how could they account for the whereabouts of his property?), this neglect may have lead to physical and mental suffering (from thirst and from damage caused by biting on metal), the nurse you spoke to doesn't appear to have intervened to alleviate his thirst, take the ring out of his mouth or report other care staff for neglect. The overview you give indicates a possibility of organisational abuse, as his individual needs weren't taken into consideration (dumped in front of the TV, not talked to).

This website gives details.

I'm not an expert but those things are obvious to me as a care worker. I would say a formal complaint was in order. The place should have a complaints procedure or you could take it straight to your equivalent of CQC. If they don't have enough staff, they should reduce the amount of people they support.

I do recognise, though, that these things are distressing and not everyone feels able to complain.

WelshmansDaughter

Thanks Cherryfudge thats really helpful. I was feeling a bit like I was making a mountain out of a molehill. I have spoken to the respite organizer who has registered my feedback with their side. 
Dad has been to the dentist and nothing was damaged by the ring.
We have asked for more respite in February which is when teacup is away next. I have already gotten a call from the next respite place who apparently come out and do an assessment before they admit him. So already a vast improvement.

savingholmes

Glad the new place seems more organised. I hope you all have a better experience.

Hope you are managing to do some nice things for you. The photo you shared on my diary was lovely.

Pink12345

Long time lurker.  Don't know a lot about respite.  But both my parents ended up in nursing homes, and have since passed.  One was a HSE run and the other was privately run, in my opinion the HSE was far superior. HSE does not run on profit whereas the private ones do. You can also look up online  HIQUA reports on the nursing homes they inspect.

WelshmansDaughter

Thanks SH.
The next respite is planned for end of February. I will be looking after the dog so it won't be completely responsibility free. I'll probably plan to do more walks. That photo was from just beside the car park of a forest so I might even go past that 

Feeling a bit misery guts today. The PMS Monster ate far too much sweets and the come down is brutal. And the worse of it is I'm really motivated to make a financial plan. I just have no idea what to put in it. 
Things are coming to me in bits and pieces at the moment. Part of that is being in the house which is really demotivating. Part of it is thinking about it when my attention should be elsewhere. 

Good news is that CC1 is paid off again after my trip to Scotland. And it has been cancelled. So now I'm down to 2 credit cards and the debt to my therapist. 

savingholmes

Always lovely when a debt bites the dust. Well done.

I need to find a focus for my spare time that takes me out the house. Just don't know what it should be. I can't seem to make myself go the gym so thinking of cancelling. I may try and do NT tomorrow or even a local park. Don't want to travel far as don't want to fill up before pay day.

Sorry the PMS monster won earlier. You are still doing well overall.

WelshmansDaughter

Pink12345 said:

Long time lurker.  Don't know a lot about respite.  But both my parents ended up in nursing homes, and have since passed.  One was a HSE run and the other was privately run, in my opinion the HSE was far superior. HSE does not run on profit whereas the private ones do. You can also look up online  HIQUA reports on the nursing homes they inspect.

Thanks Pink. It's funny, I knew all the information from working in social care (in Scotland) but living it is a whole other story. I was too exhausted for much before the first respite. I've just read the hiqa reports for the two places and they are a world apart!

WelshmansDaughter

Thanks SH. I'm definitely struggling with the getting out of the house. With the bad weather I didn't go out for a day or so and really noticed it. I did try the library again today but it was too overwhelming during the day. It's a brand new place and the design isn't exactly the cosy traditional atmosphere I like. I'm trying to think of stuff to do that isn't shopping or going to a cafe but 🤷

Still struggling with the making a budget. Mostly because there is no money to put in it 🤣🤣🤣
I've cancelled prime which is a small saving.
Dinner meal plan going well this week. 

Cherryfudge

Just a thought: does your library have an app? On ours you can borrow books or periodicals, and there are probably audio options that I've not explored. I know that doesn't get you out of the house but it might help when you have to sit up at night.

LOL to your budget: why not start with what you actually spend? I can't say this has helped me because DH and I share our money and deal with it in different ways, but it strikes me that if you know what you spend, you can be realistic about your needs, so it's more likely to succeed. I did this with meal planning - recorded what we had for a couple of weeks then planned along those lines, with occasional 'finish up the freezer' days when it was chips then a choice of whatever there were stray portions of.