Debt and Caring

savingholmes

It's always nice when you feel competent.

I relate to the feeling like you're falling over when cycling. I hadn't thought about what other options were out there that might reduce that feeling. For that reason I prefer going backwards if I'm ever on a cross trainer as otherwise I feel I'm going to take a header.

Cherryfudge

It sounds as though work is going well.  

WelshmansDaughter

It's a very odd feeling to cycle, I get very spaced out and slow but happy about it. Ideally I would have a seat with a back rest so I don't have to hold myself up as much. And possibly hand cycles as well. 
I dunno if I would describe it as going well. I'm able to do between 3-4 hours in the evening before the bike battery dies but I am not in great condition. Somebody was chatting to me at a pickup and I couldn't get my brain to respond.
I'm thinking though that it is just the obsessive quality of the first week and hopefully I will be able to put it into perspective. Right now I am struggling with the idea of taking tomorrow off. 
Ah well it's all a matter of getting the right story to fit.

Cherryfudge

I think learning and getting used to a new thing is more tiring. Once you're in the swing of it you'll find it easier.

Perhaps eventually you could have a spare battery? By then you will feel fitter and might be ready to extend your time. I'm not sure I'd be fit for anything if I'd been cycling in traffic for 3-4 hours!

PennysIntoPounds

As you and @Cherryfudge say, getting used to it is the hardest part. You're doing so well, for doing it in the first place but to keep on doing it with all the tiring and intense new learning your brain and body is doing! 

WelshmansDaughter

I has impulse bought internet. It was quite a bad day today, had a surge of grief this morning thinking about Christmas and how Dad wouldn't be at the carol service. It was unfortunate timing as I had a job interview for a part time job at 9am. Thankfully though I didn't cry in this one. Started off well but tanked the end (story of my life). They were very nice people though so I may try again for that location.
Quite spacy after and ended up outside the library waiting for it to open at 10 o'clock. Got some books but had to go home as just completely overwhelmed.
Dragged myself off the couch in the afternoon and putzed around putting a studio space in the front bedroom. By the time I put tables in it felt like the room was quite small so I am on the right track with making the flat open plan. I phoned the designer person to get the ball rolling. 
In the spirit of doing the exact same thing I did yesterday evening I wound up at Starbucks. Which is beside an Argos. Where I bought mobile broadband. With all the money I don't have 🤦‍♀️ But on the bright side, I now have Internet at home for the next two months and there are no ridiculously loud people. 
There may also have been a junk food binge. A small one. Feeling very alone today so not beating myself up about it. 

PennysIntoPounds

That sounds very productive for a grief-coloured day. Hopefully having internet will be an investment so you can recoup peacefully and research opportunities at a time and pace that is better for you

Cherryfudge

I'm so sorry you had a bad day.

 You are fitting a lot in, it's amazing how much you manage. I agree with @PennysIntoPounds, the Internet could well be an investment. There will be lots you can do from home now, which will reduce the stress of going out so much.

WelshmansDaughter

Funnily enough it was a stress relief today when I wanted to look something up and didn't have to wait on slow phone internet.
Just finished reading Iris Grace, about a young autistic girl. Really good.
Went out as planned this morning so felt like I enjoyed something today. Still struggling with separating out my day in a way that is meaningful 

PennysIntoPounds

You've got a lot going on both emotionally and physically to deal with, just see what pattern emerges of what you can do and when, and keep on keeping on. You're doing great