Not far off.....

wildheart83

[Deleted User] said:

@wildheart83 Cutting isn't it? I've had this for most of my life. I've come to accept that out of all the siblings I'm the one that she likes the least. Not much I can do about that and I'm tired of doing things to get her to try and love me. 

I never fail to be hurt/upset by it so for me no contact is the way forward. A child should never have to make a parent love them, regardless of how old the child is. 

dawnybabes

My DH was really cold with his cancer treatment so a heated blanket or even just a nice cuddly blanket would be lovely. 

Glad you spent something on you 😀

enthusiasticsaver

Oh dear you seem to have a lot of grief from your mum and not nice for her not to thank you for the flowers. Good call on closing credit cards down. You sound like a lovely friend and a heated blanket sounds like a good call. 

Queen_of_the_Hive

Go old car! Nothing wrong with a trusty workhorse!

Great news on the extra work, you sound much more upbeat which is lovely to read.

Just a suggestion which I haven't seen mention before on here - have you considered downloading one of those apps where you get paid for your steps? Just started one myself this week, the rewards are small but every little bit counts and may help towards food shop or an occasional treat.

Yankee24

Ahhh Emma, it’s your family that are mugs on the car.  My husband and I each earn 6 figures.   We drive a 17 year old Yaris.  New to us for 4K 10 years ago!   And an 8 year old mini.  Not spending on cars and living in a cute but v modest house are the 2 reasons we are ok financially.  (We have other vices-   Interesting family holidays, but not being car people helps…. As my husband says, we get a lot of cruises for the price of a second hand Range Rover in leafy bucks!)

triple_choc_chip

I can't see us coming back from this. 
If this statement was true for even a month I think your mental health would benefit; a degree of separation doesn’t need to be forever but maybe it could be long enough for her to miss you. Life is long and there are many future years. 
You keep going back for more and more of the same poor treatment and it’s always you in tears.  I mean, your Dad could have reminded her it was his birthday and to make herself scarce while you visit him but he didn’t have your back either.  
We only get one mum and I have no doubt you will always be there if she needs you because you always go back to try again but your mum isn’t the best for your health at this time and it’s painful reading how you suffer time and again from her unreasonableness. Step back, watch and wait is my advice.  I hope you have a better weekend x

[Deleted User]

Many thanks for the words of wisdom @triple_choc_chip. I know she is not good for my health. It sits on a pivot anyway and she always has this ability to make me fall of the tipping point. 

I've spent money this weekend because I am fed up. I've been out for a posh breakfast and went to the pub and got a round in. Spent £60. 
OH then took me for a meal later on and the cinema. Very indulgent day. 

The bit I can't get past is that that when I left my husband, I didn't even have enough money spare to buy a bag of shopping. All my furniture was secondhand, the settees didn't match and I was juggling eBay and tuition and an 80 hour a week job. My sister never once said 'Here is some money to help you.' She was very much in the mindset that it was my own fault, the position I found myself in. 

Now things are looking up, my mum wants me to share everything out, so I still don't have much and that hurts. My sister has hundreds of thousands of pounds in the bank and a house work £800k and yet my mum wants me to help her stay above me, rather than cheer me on to help myself climb out of this pit. 

I'm done now with her. I can't tell you how humiliating it was to be kicked out of her house. I don't do public humiliation. I won't ever step foot in there again. 

My Dad rang me and he never does that. He said he had shouted at my mum about the way she treated me and that they weren't speaking. He asked if I was OK. 

lucielle

I really hope you stick to the at least for a few months. I certainly wouldn’t be brow beaten into giving any of your family anything least of all my time. I hope the space gives you some time to reflect and move on. 

L

CRANKY40

Maybe you could meet your dad round the corner and take him for a coffee? A private chat in peace might be good for both of you? 

dawnybabes

Your mum is toxic.  Run don’t walk away.  Has she always been like this ? 

I’d try and have a relationship with your dad away from her.