Not far off.....

enthusiasticsaver

Goodness your family sound toxic.  I think sometimes you have to think what you gain from relationships like this whether it is your mum or DS.  From a preservation point of view I wonder if they just see you as a punchbag and it would be better to step back and go NC for a while. 

lucielle

I agree with enthusiastic saver. Stop letting them do this to you. I know it’s your family but they don’t give you any support and emotionally abuse you. 

L

AntoMac

Emma,
I told you some time ago and I’ll tell you again I’m really proud of you for all of the difficulties you have fought through, and that you should be proud of yourself too. Correct me if I’m wrong but your ex husband was violent towards you. The marriage not working out does not mean that you failed. There is NO EXCUSE for physically abusing a partner. 

To have that huge level of disrespect and nastiness from your own mother must be hugely hurtful, but you battle on regardless, doing everything that you can to support your own kids.
Have you spoken with your GP.? I think some proper counselling would really help, and possibly even some medication. I’m not ashamed to say I started taking medication within the last year and it has really helped. We have a service called ‘Talking therapies’ available down here, not that I’ve used it myself, but you might well have something similar where you are. It can’t hurt exploring these options can it? It must be hugely difficult for you with nobody really listening to how things are for you. Talking about it can be very therapeutic and might let you release some of those trapped emotions.
Here to listen to you as often as you need to vent.

poppy811

please look after you.  You know you cannot change other people but you can change your responses. Withdraw for a while while you get the help you so desperately need,  these people are banking on you flying into rescuer mode and helping them.  Stop. They are adults and can make their own decisions and mistakes.  Really wish you better times, Hope you can get some help / counselling because your are worth it

dawnybabes

There comes a time when you have to walk away from toxic family - they are adding to your mental load 

AntoMac

Even without meds there’s still the counselling option to consider Emma. Seeing your GP for a chat can’t do any harm

triple_choc_chip

Emma darling, that’s not bi-polar, or any medical condition.  It’s a human response to being hurt by those who should love and cherish you.  Stop blaming yourself and create distance from those who bring you down emotionally and physically and you will be your effervescent self again, naturally x 

Humdinger1

Dearest Emma, you are not defined by other people's treatment of you.  From the outside OH will never have a long term successful relationship because of who HE is,  not because of who his partner is.  The bargepole cannot be long enough. I agree that going no contact with your mother for at least a while is the way to go also getting help.  It's difficult to see now but you are doing a fab job.  Please put the same energy into yourself as you have into utterly unworthy candidates.   Love Humdinger xx 

SueP19

Hi lovely just read bits here and there, I so understand, I'm a huge empath and whilst my family are not as abusive as yours, I am the families goto too, it starts because your a sorter but ends with you being abused because you don't have money to give or won't agree to stuff. I'm trying to reverse the damage I've allowed to happen. That damage is not cause by me but made worse by me allowing it to happen, there is a big difference between the two and I just wanted to say good luck and hugs, will be following you and championing from the sidelines x

[Deleted User]

Thank you for the messages of support. I've not spoken to my Mum since Sunday. I just can't face it. I know she'll be blaming me and will have told the family that I have hurt her. I've not spoken to any of my family about it as I'm better off not knowing what has been said. 
Car needed two new tyres for the MOT. I was quoted £140 but managed to get them for £105. 
I'm doing well with bringing money in. I paid for the service, MOT and tyres without having to put it on a credit card and so I'm pleased. To say that when I was living with the husband I had no cash and once went to Teco and had my cash card and every credit card on me declined for a £10 purchase for lunch for my daughter, I'm please with my progress. I've still got a long way to go but money doesn't't keep me awake at night now. I always have enough for my outgoing's. 

Heating has been off for a couple of days but I've relented tonight and put it on. I should be ok as long as it's off during the day. 

I work seven days a week and long hours. As a result of this I'm finishing the month with £1000 left over in my bank. I can't quite believe it and if I can manage to do that for a few months it should clear some of this DMP that is causing me so much misery. I rang one of my debts todsy that is £900 and they have offered me a £50 discount for settling early. I'll just leave that one. The next debt is £2000 and they have offered me £1500. I'll save it up and get that one gone. 

Car- The last payment is in Feb. It is in the husband's name and he has said that he will meet me with the spare key and log book. I don't want to meet him face to face, I don't see the point and so I'll ask him to leave it at his golf club. I can't wait to make the last payment. This will give me £265 extra every month. I never wanted the car, he purchased it and offered to pay half and then we split up and I got lumbered with the full amount. The car is tiny, has no boot and only seats four people. I would have never have chosen it. I can't wait for that payment noose to be gone. 

Vinted- started that up again and sold £46 in the last couple of days. I need to be more focussed on it. Imagine bringing in £25 a day? That gives me £175 a week extra. I have a whole room of stock but not much motivation to shift it. I need to make more effort with it.