NST May MISCHIEF AND MAYHEM

mothernerd

Thursday 12th May 2022

It's Thirst-Day
What are you thirsty for
Knowledge        Resilience       Love       
Adventure          Friendship      Opportunity
Courage             Kindness 
(OurMindfulLife.com)

Attitude
Ability is what you're capable of
Motivation determines what you do
Attitude determines how well you do it

A positive attitude brings much gratitude. Think Positive, Be Positive, Speak Positive. Do it every day, make it a habit.

Changing Your Mindset
Replace old Negative thoughts with Positive Thoughts
-  I have to go to work >>>  + I GET to go to work
-  I'm broke                  >>>  + I Paid all my bills
-  I'm tired                    >>>  + I'll go to bed earlier tonight
-  Today sucks             >>>  + I'm going to get so much done today
-  I have to get up early >>  + I get to wake up early and be more productive
-  I hate my job             >>> + I have a job to make money for my family
Keep your thoughts on track (thesnodlife.com)

It's okay if you are sad or having a bad day, acknowledge your feelings. But if it's something you need to do anyway (your job) you may as well approach it positively - I have done poorly paid, boring and at times frankly disgusting jobs to support myself and my sons. I'd studied hard but ended up in a dead end, so I told myself that if this was what I had to do, I'd do it to the best of my ability.

If I'd focused on how dirty and demeaning it was I'd never have survived but by approaching it positively and noticing all the good bits (meeting all sorts of different people, solving problems, working out how to make it interesting, having a break, understanding what made different organisations tick - or how dysfunctional they were) I got through. (I also had several jobs at a time, so if any one got really bad, I could quit it).

End quote
Maintaining a positive attitude may not solve all your problems. However it will annoy enough people to make it worthwhile

apple_muncher

Today I am grateful for having a job, for dh looking after dc, for cake with candles, for supportive colleagues, for a good book.

mothernerd

Being awake at 3am wasn't the best start but after some sleep, that is what I did. Realised over the past couple of days that I am very angry (at DS3 and Beloved, at mum for dying, at the Probate office for taking ages over a very simple will). I've been stuck because I'm afraid that if I release the anger (probably at DS3 and Beloved, because they're the only ones here) I'll say horrible things that there might be no coming back from. So, with my positive hat on (it's Crazy Hat Day turtles) I've been trying to turn the anger into energy.

Today was the first full day of writing a baseline diary of what I've done, working out whether they're routine, pleasurable or necessary tasks and jotting down any feelings I notice. It's supposed to be fairly simple - what I was doing in the morning, afternoon and evening. Unlike one of those time and motion ones where you have to say what you were doing every 15 minutes of the day. However I decided I would jot down what I was doing as I went along (only under hourly headings) because on the last two days I seem to have lost chunks of time.

So woke up some time between 8 am and 9 am, did first thing bathroom visit +teeth, pills, 2 cups of water, went downstairs to fetch a yoghurt and bundled the washing I'd thrown down into the machine and set it off. Started writing a 'happy list' - found an old one in my CBT notes which mentioned happy socks. Spent some of yesterday researching environmentally friendly sock options (ones that had owls, foxes, penguins and pride rainbow stripes, some even had the diabetic soft tops). I have a notebook with space for listing things that make me happy so made a start on that - I was smiling as I did it. 

Scribbled madly about 'how I feel right now' - all the 9 million (slight exaggeration) things I have to do and the frustration of not being able to proceed with 90% of it until Probate is granted. As lunchtime approached I went downstairs for more food and another 2 litres of water. Rounded up as many bags as I could find (some needed emptying but it was only a matter of a few pots needing washing - have been taking down mixed bags of recycling/ pots and bits of food waste, apple cores and orange peels). Added a few useful bits to the bags. Cleared a trolley (the one I had at mum's) and brought it upstairs with me and DS3 brought the two heavy bags for me.

Had a shower, cleaned my mask and hose, put cream cleanser on the bath 'ring' (getting DS3 to clean the bath by stealth as he'll rinse off the 'stuff' before getting in it. Half an hour of 'downtime', playing games and music whilst applying medicinal creams, eating lunch (fridge leftovers) and adding things to the paper and rubbish sacks. Cleaned the trolley - I'd put it on the bed which made it easy to support and turn with one hand whilst cleaning it with the other -and then put it down on the window side of the bed (no way I could get over there then).

Decided the hour from 1 pm would be spent doing as many little jobs as possible, trying to sort papers as we go. Used my taxi money to put the ground rent into the envelope it came in, tucked it in my handbag so I could put it back through the neighbours door later, put things (mainly scarves and gloves but some 'personal items) in a drawer, spare masks away (keep putting 2 or 3 in my bag and they never come out again), started a list of food shopping receipts and a file for any 'mum' paperwork (mostly bills that have been paid), a file for my health stuff (needed for filling in the PIP), consolidated the leisure and hobby files, so gardening mags and seed catalogues together, all sewing and embroidery together , more bits to go in the 'places to visit' file - bus timetables can go in there too, all the books (library ones and mine) in one pile (most are neatly shelved, these are current reads), more things into the drawer. When I sat down my heart rate was quite fast and breathing was getting harder.

2 pm Time for a cool down half hour with games and a bit of my tv series. pots saved from the cleaners bagged and ready for taking downstairs, t-shirts on hangers, cardigans and jumpers in a drawer. Hangers are on a stool in front of the wardrobe as I was standing with both feet in one tiny spot and trying not to fall over. bag of rags, bag for spare bags, rubbish bag (gave the half -filled one to DS3 last night with instructions to pick up all his rubbish before coming upstairs), bag with dirty pots and recycling, cs bag, tunic and leggings to wear if/ when I went outside.

Definitely struggling by this time (knee and ankle protesting) so another rest break followed by getting dressed to go out, working out which bags to take down (paper and can sacks could be thrown down, carried the heavy bag of 'saved' pots). Took out all the rubbish and recycling, left DS3 moving their shopping away from the walker so I could get it out, put the ground rent envelope through the neighbour's door. Intended to work my way around the town so that by the time I got to the bus station and the teens would be gone.

Quickly became apparent that I wouldn't be doing all of my list, halved it down to the essentials - food, drinks and puzzle book, did manage to pick up a pad of one week organising pads from a cs (have been looking at them since they came in stock at the end of last year, counsellor has sent materials via email printer needs inks and setting up - will also help with meal planning and water/ food monitoring) and some colouring pens (to use with my mindfulness colouring book). Picked up a pile of 50p bargains from B00ts, including a large tray of pineapple, mango and melon - not things I buy often but a pleasant change. Took almost an hour and a quarter to do a tiny amount of shopping, with lots of sitting down.

Have eaten (didn't have any spare energy to hang out some of the washing) and my plan was to rest for an hour and then make an attempt to shuffle the reading lamp, trolley and CPAP machine, now that I can get across the bed with relative ease. Well I've just had 2 hours and my knees aren't co-operating. I could spend an hour or two writing up my scribbled notes (mostly written whilst listening to other people) but perhaps splitting it into some writing and some 'fun' activity would be wiser - moving stuff can be tomorrow's activity, whenever I take a break from the 'Friday frogs', lurking in every corner.

Grateful for books, music, games, daft socks, getting a lot done by staying in one spot and sticking to the task in hand, helpful people - one young man offered to move his car, just as I was going to go round it, when I said it was the pallet outside a shop front that was obstructing the pavement he moved it out of the way for me.

Where are all my turtles? have you all been bad?

f0xh0les

With you 100% on the new Samuel Beckett bore-a-thon 'Waiting for Probate' @mothernerd

Also recognise the 'getting nothing done in large chunks of time' problem.

Went to T0sc0 and only bought ys things, the whole basket was full of ys, mind you, I did plan it to coincide with the bread reductions, so plenty of fruit loaves and bagels in the freezer now.

My DS2 has decided to be a total toad, and has been practically non-verbal since I returned from Ireland, if he were 7, I would say he is sulking, it is not so cute at 17.  He is a twit.  It is quite stressful being the mother of a twit. Hopefully he will catch himself on soon. I fear he does not know how to back down,  so is caught in a vicious cycle of twittish behaviour.

The Turtle-Gang might be laughing their socks off at the tat-fest that is EuR0V1s10N!!  It is the second of the semi-finals on Beeb3 tonight.  Good L0rd what were some of them thinking?????

beanielou

I was not a fan of my DS when he was 17 @f0xh0les.

cuddlymarm

Hi guys
Today wasn’t a NSD. I went into town for a wander round with a couple of friends. I’m afraid I succumbed to a coffee shop and bought cheap flip flops and a pair of socks for when our new grand baby arrives. But it was what I needed. All I seem to do is work at the moment, we keep being told we’re getting new staff but it never quite happens. When OH took early retirement we could manage on his private pension. We’ve both got 7 years to go to the state one. We originally both got part time jobs to pay for treats, but more and more they are needed to cover the price rises. 

I enjoy knitting ( only plain and simple items though) I find it relaxing. I finished knitting simple tea cosy today and will start on a scarf ready for next winter next. It’s a nice warm orange coloured wool and it’s quite therapeutic not having to count the stitches  so I can just sit and knit. Lovely.
So today I’ve been grateful for nice friends, for a loss at SW and that we can afford an occasional treat. 

Deni_debt-free_dreamer

Evening 

@cuddlymarm - all i do is work at the moment too!  I've just finished doing some of my PT work.  Been in the office today.  Did pilates online this eve but the livestream kept pausing which was frustrating.  Had to spend on cat food so bought some strawberries too; bought some birthday cards from the CS and some sox for me as a treat - they are very soft and have cats on them

Got towels dry on the line while i was at work.

Glad its friday tomorrow, that DD1 left me some flowers for when i got in from work, that my DDs both had nice evenings

Love Deni x

pollyanna_26

mothernerd said:

Being awake at 3am wasn't the best start but after some sleep, that is what I did. Realised over the past couple of days that I am very angry (at DS3 and Beloved, at mum for dying, at the Probate office for taking ages over a very simple will). I've been stuck because I'm afraid that if I release the anger (probably at DS3 and Beloved, because they're the only ones here) I'll say horrible things that there might be no coming back from. So, with my positive hat on (it's Crazy Hat Day turtles) I've been trying to turn the anger into energy.

Today was the first full day of writing a baseline diary of what I've done, working out whether they're routine, pleasurable or necessary tasks and jotting down any feelings I notice. It's supposed to be fairly simple - what I was doing in the morning, afternoon and evening. Unlike one of those time and motion ones where you have to say what you were doing every 15 minutes of the day. However I decided I would jot down what I was doing as I went along (only under hourly headings) because on the last two days I seem to have lost chunks of time.

So woke up some time between 8 am and 9 am, did first thing bathroom visit +teeth, pills, 2 cups of water, went downstairs to fetch a yoghurt and bundled the washing I'd thrown down into the machine and set it off. Started writing a 'happy list' - found an old one in my CBT notes which mentioned happy socks. Spent some of yesterday researching environmentally friendly sock options (ones that had owls, foxes, penguins and pride rainbow stripes, some even had the diabetic soft tops). I have a notebook with space for listing things that make me happy so made a start on that - I was smiling as I did it. 

Scribbled madly about 'how I feel right now' - all the 9 million (slight exaggeration) things I have to do and the frustration of not being able to proceed with 90% of it until Probate is granted. As lunchtime approached I went downstairs for more food and another 2 litres of water. Rounded up as many bags as I could find (some needed emptying but it was only a matter of a few pots needing washing - have been taking down mixed bags of recycling/ pots and bits of food waste, apple cores and orange peels). Added a few useful bits to the bags. Cleared a trolley (the one I had at mum's) and brought it upstairs with me and DS3 brought the two heavy bags for me.

Had a shower, cleaned my mask and hose, put cream cleanser on the bath 'ring' (getting DS3 to clean the bath by stealth as he'll rinse off the 'stuff' before getting in it. Half an hour of 'downtime', playing games and music whilst applying medicinal creams, eating lunch (fridge leftovers) and adding things to the paper and rubbish sacks. Cleaned the trolley - I'd put it on the bed which made it easy to support and turn with one hand whilst cleaning it with the other -and then put it down on the window side of the bed (no way I could get over there then).

Decided the hour from 1 pm would be spent doing as many little jobs as possible, trying to sort papers as we go. Used my taxi money to put the ground rent into the envelope it came in, tucked it in my handbag so I could put it back through the neighbours door later, put things (mainly scarves and gloves but some 'personal items) in a drawer, spare masks away (keep putting 2 or 3 in my bag and they never come out again), started a list of food shopping receipts and a file for any 'mum' paperwork (mostly bills that have been paid), a file for my health stuff (needed for filling in the PIP), consolidated the leisure and hobby files, so gardening mags and seed catalogues together, all sewing and embroidery together , more bits to go in the 'places to visit' file - bus timetables can go in there too, all the books (library ones and mine) in one pile (most are neatly shelved, these are current reads), more things into the drawer. When I sat down my heart rate was quite fast and breathing was getting harder.

2 pm Time for a cool down half hour with games and a bit of my tv series. pots saved from the cleaners bagged and ready for taking downstairs, t-shirts on hangers, cardigans and jumpers in a drawer. Hangers are on a stool in front of the wardrobe as I was standing with both feet in one tiny spot and trying not to fall over. bag of rags, bag for spare bags, rubbish bag (gave the half -filled one to DS3 last night with instructions to pick up all his rubbish before coming upstairs), bag with dirty pots and recycling, cs bag, tunic and leggings to wear if/ when I went outside.

Definitely struggling by this time (knee and ankle protesting) so another rest break followed by getting dressed to go out, working out which bags to take down (paper and can sacks could be thrown down, carried the heavy bag of 'saved' pots). Took out all the rubbish and recycling, left DS3 moving their shopping away from the walker so I could get it out, put the ground rent envelope through the neighbour's door. Intended to work my way around the town so that by the time I got to the bus station and the teens would be gone.

Quickly became apparent that I wouldn't be doing all of my list, halved it down to the essentials - food, drinks and puzzle book, did manage to pick up a pad of one week organising pads from a cs (have been looking at them since they came in stock at the end of last year, counsellor has sent materials via email printer needs inks and setting up - will also help with meal planning and water/ food monitoring) and some colouring pens (to use with my mindfulness colouring book). Picked up a pile of 50p bargains from B00ts, including a large tray of pineapple, mango and melon - not things I buy often but a pleasant change. Took almost an hour and a quarter to do a tiny amount of shopping, with lots of sitting down.

Have eaten (didn't have any spare energy to hang out some of the washing) and my plan was to rest for an hour and then make an attempt to shuffle the reading lamp, trolley and CPAP machine, now that I can get across the bed with relative ease. Well I've just had 2 hours and my knees aren't co-operating. I could spend an hour or two writing up my scribbled notes (mostly written whilst listening to other people) but perhaps splitting it into some writing and some 'fun' activity would be wiser - moving stuff can be tomorrow's activity, whenever I take a break from the 'Friday frogs', lurking in every corner.

Grateful for books, music, games, daft socks, getting a lot done by staying in one spot and sticking to the task in hand, helpful people - one young man offered to move his car, just as I was going to go round it, when I said it was the pallet outside a shop front that was obstructing the pavement he moved it out of the way for me.

Where are all my turtles? have you all been bad?

I don't like being angry MN but sometimes it's what drive things forward.

The wrong diagnosis of Aspergers by the  idiot Psyche at CAMHS. Wrecked her life for 20 years,

The fact he'd discovered Tony Attwood meant he diagnosed every yougster with Aspergers , some of whom didn't make it through eventually led to him being struck off for life after doing a  lot of damage'

Superdoc knew the dagnosis was wrong. So did we.

Hesaid now we fight, Nearly 20 years later one tiny sentence from a very young Dr in the ED unit dd had been a patient in a few times jumped of the page when he applid for all her notes since birth. Query Borderline Personality Disorder . DD hadf figured that out herself

umpteen appts wth a psych over years who stuck to Aspergers

I saw him in the hospital the night before he died and he still insited he was coming home next day for Christmas but he died th then on day he came to meet us smilng . Shook our hands which freaked dd out and said BPD/

20 years an outstanding GP who brought in an amazing DBT counsellor to start the haling and the anger was replaced with relief appopriate meds and things are now better.

I think the anger at mum is mixed up with what's going on and not having time to process her sudden death.

I was angry with my beloved dad when he died when I was 15.

Later as an adult I could lose that anger and remember all the good times Myself and younger sisters had no idea he had terminal lung cancer. Mum had only told one of her sisters..

I saw him on Chistmas Eve in the hospital and he was adamant he would be home next day .A few hous later mum and auntie had to go to the hospital.

We were shoved into a car driven by an uncle we hardly knew and taken to his big hotel which resembled something  oying in and out of the attcsut of gothic horror. He went down to the bar leaving us in the care of his girlfriend who couldn't speak english and we stayed awake all night listening to seagulls flying in and out of the attics.

Next morning I said we needed to go home / I blamed dad for a long times then started remembering all the good times.

Probate is a pain. Because my 1st husband died young after being attacked  everything was slow. Criminal injuries were involved and the two youngsters who attacked him were awaiting their fate in Walton Jail

They were unlucky the first on the scene were the then Chief Constable of Liverpool and his driver.

CC made the arrest and summoned back up. They couldn't lie their way out of it but it delayed a lot of things.

I know you have mixed emotions but DS3 and Beloved moving elsewhere would lift a lot of emotioal and physical stress off you. Now you're having CBT you  need  head space and less  irritation.

I did send you a pm on the morning of your CBT but pms have been playing up recently. There's a lovely one from Nan aka Amy

- The girl who waited. I wasn't able to reply to that.

Please put youself first it will help.

pollyx

greent

Thanks for all the good wishes! Wednesday went well - possibly some peripheral neuropathy has developed in both hands/ lower arms - but hopefully temporary! Took it easy yesterday - couple of work emails and a zoom meeting and a visit to a friend in evening for a cup of tea and to give them bday card and present. - it was a self care day! 😁

Hugs to anyone needing them  

Thankful for DD taking DS3 to swimming  last night, for another dry day for laundry, for feeling pretty much OK, for reduced lemon cheesecake.

Might go to garden centre with mum today for tea and cake and look at plants-  2 aunts and an uncle also going.

weenancyinAmerica

mothernerd - Years ago I made a sampler which said "If it is to be it is up to me". I find I am saying it to myself a lot as I clean up after really messy and lazy roommates. Hope things get better for you. You are an inspiration to us all.