Parents being too 'Tight'

Northern_Tribe

Pollycat said:

SteveVy said:

Hi Folks,

Sorry for the delayed response my folks are their early 60's so not too old.

Anyway I've given up trying...they've had multiple people come out to provide quotes for various things and when I ask what's happening they just say "we are thinking about it"....so I've given up now...

It upsets me as from when I made this original post they could of had at least some of this work done!

I also don't think its good to waste people's time and just collect quotes for the sake of it...

It's really not about the money as my parents have a more than enough funds to cover all the work required.

My Aunt and Uncle have just had their entire house refurbished and wow it looks stunning! When I mentioned to my parents how good their house looks and how we could do something similar they didn't seem to interested.

So I've just left them to it..

'we could have'?
It's not your house.
It's your parents' house.
Maybe they are reticent to have work done because they think you are far too involved.
I would back off before you really upset them.

I did think they were possibly in their late 70s or 80s when you first posted.
Early 60s?
I'm in my late 60s and would tell any child of mine who wants to revamp my house to mind then own business.

I hope when I am in my early 60s if my house is in such a poor condition that,

1) Water leaking through roof

2) Rendering falling off

3) Driveway Cracked

4) Windows not fitted correctly

5) Mould in every room

6) Kitchen seriously dated and some appliances no longer work such as oven

7) Paint peeling inside in almost every room

8) Bathroom cupboards warped due to being in constant contact with water

9) Door locks broken

my adult children offer to assist me in getting the work done. I probably won't take them up on the offer but I think I am unlikely to tell them to mind their own business.

olgadapolga

SteveVy said:

The house is a total mess and I feel ashamed when people visit!

Well, it's THEIR house and THEIR mess. If they choose to live like that then that's their perogative. I cannot understand why you feel ashamed about it. Why not just accept your parents for who they are, without judging them and their home?

Sea_Shell

SteveVy said:

Pollycat said:

SteveVy said:

Hi Folks,

Sorry for the delayed response my folks are their early 60's so not too old.

Anyway I've given up trying...they've had multiple people come out to provide quotes for various things and when I ask what's happening they just say "we are thinking about it"....so I've given up now...

It upsets me as from when I made this original post they could of had at least some of this work done!

I also don't think its good to waste people's time and just collect quotes for the sake of it...

It's really not about the money as my parents have a more than enough funds to cover all the work required.

My Aunt and Uncle have just had their entire house refurbished and wow it looks stunning! When I mentioned to my parents how good their house looks and how we could do something similar they didn't seem to interested.

So I've just left them to it..

'we could have'?
It's not your house.
It's your parents' house.
Maybe they are reticent to have work done because they think you are far too involved.
I would back off before you really upset them.

I did think they were possibly in their late 70s or 80s when you first posted.
Early 60s?
I'm in my late 60s and would tell any child of mine who wants to revamp my house to mind then own business.

I am not too far involved, I simply was trying to help them get quotes I was letting them decide what they wanted!

I guess it comes down to living standards and self pride...

The house is a total mess and I feel ashamed when people visit!

Sometimes, where family is concerned you can't do right for doing wrong.

Your heart sounds like it's in the right place, but you can only point them in the direction of "the water" if they won't "be lead"..so if they won't "drink" they'll have to go thirsty!!

Their choice.    Just bite your tongue when the time (eventually) comes when they feel they can't live like that anymore, when all you probably want to say is "I told you so"!!!

Whether you then help it not, when (if) that time comes is another dilemma for another day.

Good luck 🍀

Pollycat

Northern_Tribe said:

Pollycat said:

SteveVy said:

Hi Folks,

Sorry for the delayed response my folks are their early 60's so not too old.

Anyway I've given up trying...they've had multiple people come out to provide quotes for various things and when I ask what's happening they just say "we are thinking about it"....so I've given up now...

It upsets me as from when I made this original post they could of had at least some of this work done!

I also don't think its good to waste people's time and just collect quotes for the sake of it...

It's really not about the money as my parents have a more than enough funds to cover all the work required.

My Aunt and Uncle have just had their entire house refurbished and wow it looks stunning! When I mentioned to my parents how good their house looks and how we could do something similar they didn't seem to interested.

So I've just left them to it..

'we could have'?
It's not your house.
It's your parents' house.
Maybe they are reticent to have work done because they think you are far too involved.
I would back off before you really upset them.

I did think they were possibly in their late 70s or 80s when you first posted.
Early 60s?
I'm in my late 60s and would tell any child of mine who wants to revamp my house to mind then own business.

I hope when I am in my early 60s if my house is in such a poor condition that,

1) Water leaking through roof

2) Rendering falling off

3) Driveway Cracked

4) Windows not fitted correctly

5) Mould in every room

6) Kitchen seriously dated and some appliances no longer work such as oven

7) Paint peeling inside in almost every room

8) Bathroom cupboards warped due to being in constant contact with water

9) Door locks broken

my adult children offer to assist me in getting the work done. I probably won't take them up on the offer but I think I am unlikely to tell them to mind their own business.

But the OP's parents clearly don't want help.
How much clearer can they make it?
They clearly feel that the OP is getting involved in stuff they don't feel is his business.
You might offer to help your parents but if they don't want your help...do you back off or continue to try to convince them you are right?

Northern_Tribe

Pollycat said:

Northern_Tribe said:

Pollycat said:

SteveVy said:

Hi Folks,

Sorry for the delayed response my folks are their early 60's so not too old.

Anyway I've given up trying...they've had multiple people come out to provide quotes for various things and when I ask what's happening they just say "we are thinking about it"....so I've given up now...

It upsets me as from when I made this original post they could of had at least some of this work done!

I also don't think its good to waste people's time and just collect quotes for the sake of it...

It's really not about the money as my parents have a more than enough funds to cover all the work required.

My Aunt and Uncle have just had their entire house refurbished and wow it looks stunning! When I mentioned to my parents how good their house looks and how we could do something similar they didn't seem to interested.

So I've just left them to it..

'we could have'?
It's not your house.
It's your parents' house.
Maybe they are reticent to have work done because they think you are far too involved.
I would back off before you really upset them.

I did think they were possibly in their late 70s or 80s when you first posted.
Early 60s?
I'm in my late 60s and would tell any child of mine who wants to revamp my house to mind then own business.

I hope when I am in my early 60s if my house is in such a poor condition that,

1) Water leaking through roof

2) Rendering falling off

3) Driveway Cracked

4) Windows not fitted correctly

5) Mould in every room

6) Kitchen seriously dated and some appliances no longer work such as oven

7) Paint peeling inside in almost every room

8) Bathroom cupboards warped due to being in constant contact with water

9) Door locks broken

my adult children offer to assist me in getting the work done. I probably won't take them up on the offer but I think I am unlikely to tell them to mind their own business.

But the OP's parents clearly don't want help.
How much clearer can they make it?
They clearly feel that the OP is getting involved in stuff they don't feel is his business.
You might offer to help your parents but if they don't want your help...do you back off or continue to try to convince them you are right?

I'm not sure if your questions are addressed to me.  I agree the OP's parents are unwilling or unable to accept their help or organise the repairs themselves. That was not the point of my post, it was to point out that, although you would tell your child to mind their own business, at least one person (me) would welcome an offer of assistance in similar circumstances and would not tell my child(ren) to mind own business, even if I did not accept their help. 

diystarter7

OP
Judging by your post and your parents properties, they must be doing something right so leave them to it.
Their house may not be up to your standards but it is their house, their life.

KxMx

SteveVy said:

Pollycat said:

SteveVy said:

Hi Folks,

Sorry for the delayed response my folks are their early 60's so not too old.

Anyway I've given up trying...they've had multiple people come out to provide quotes for various things and when I ask what's happening they just say "we are thinking about it"....so I've given up now...

It upsets me as from when I made this original post they could of had at least some of this work done!

I also don't think its good to waste people's time and just collect quotes for the sake of it...

It's really not about the money as my parents have a more than enough funds to cover all the work required.

My Aunt and Uncle have just had their entire house refurbished and wow it looks stunning! When I mentioned to my parents how good their house looks and how we could do something similar they didn't seem to interested.

So I've just left them to it..

'we could have'?
It's not your house.
It's your parents' house.
Maybe they are reticent to have work done because they think you are far too involved.
I would back off before you really upset them.

I did think they were possibly in their late 70s or 80s when you first posted.
Early 60s?
I'm in my late 60s and would tell any child of mine who wants to revamp my house to mind then own business.

I am not too far involved, I simply was trying to help them get quotes I was letting them decide what they wanted!

I guess it comes down to living standards and self pride...

The house is a total mess and I feel ashamed when people visit!

You don't need to feel ashamed, the state of their house is nothing to do with you and of their choosing.

I live with a parent who chooses to live in squalor in their bedroom, it isn't anything to do with me (I moved my linen out years ago and ignore the smell that spreads into the upstairs hall as soon as the weather warms up) nor is the fact when I move out next week, the rest of the house will go that way. 

I've been cleaning the whole house for years to stop her standards spreading and since I stopped (limited energy needed for my move) guess what's happened. 

But as I said her house, her mess, her business and absolutely nothing to do with me. 

Pollycat

Northern_Tribe said:

Pollycat said:

Northern_Tribe said:

Pollycat said:

SteveVy said:

Hi Folks,

Sorry for the delayed response my folks are their early 60's so not too old.

Anyway I've given up trying...they've had multiple people come out to provide quotes for various things and when I ask what's happening they just say "we are thinking about it"....so I've given up now...

It upsets me as from when I made this original post they could of had at least some of this work done!

I also don't think its good to waste people's time and just collect quotes for the sake of it...

It's really not about the money as my parents have a more than enough funds to cover all the work required.

My Aunt and Uncle have just had their entire house refurbished and wow it looks stunning! When I mentioned to my parents how good their house looks and how we could do something similar they didn't seem to interested.

So I've just left them to it..

'we could have'?
It's not your house.
It's your parents' house.
Maybe they are reticent to have work done because they think you are far too involved.
I would back off before you really upset them.

I did think they were possibly in their late 70s or 80s when you first posted.
Early 60s?
I'm in my late 60s and would tell any child of mine who wants to revamp my house to mind then own business.

I hope when I am in my early 60s if my house is in such a poor condition that,

1) Water leaking through roof

2) Rendering falling off

3) Driveway Cracked

4) Windows not fitted correctly

5) Mould in every room

6) Kitchen seriously dated and some appliances no longer work such as oven

7) Paint peeling inside in almost every room

8) Bathroom cupboards warped due to being in constant contact with water

9) Door locks broken

my adult children offer to assist me in getting the work done. I probably won't take them up on the offer but I think I am unlikely to tell them to mind their own business.

But the OP's parents clearly don't want help.
How much clearer can they make it?
They clearly feel that the OP is getting involved in stuff they don't feel is his business.
You might offer to help your parents but if they don't want your help...do you back off or continue to try to convince them you are right?

I'm not sure if your questions are addressed to me.  I agree the OP's parents are unwilling or unable to accept their help or organise the repairs themselves. That was not the point of my post, it was to point out that, although you would tell your child to mind their own business, at least one person (me) would welcome an offer of assistance in similar circumstances and would not tell my child(ren) to mind own business, even if I did not accept their help. 

Well, I quoted your post so yes, my post was addressed to you.
The OP's parents have made it clear that they don't welcome an offer of assistance so maybe telling him to mind his own business would be the only way to get through to him.
As it is, he's decided to step back. 

On a separate point, I still don't understand why the OP feels embarrassed about the state of a house that he doesn't own.

Sea_Shell

Pollycat said:

Northern_Tribe said:

Pollycat said:

Northern_Tribe said:

Pollycat said:

SteveVy said:

Hi Folks,

Sorry for the delayed response my folks are their early 60's so not too old.

Anyway I've given up trying...they've had multiple people come out to provide quotes for various things and when I ask what's happening they just say "we are thinking about it"....so I've given up now...

It upsets me as from when I made this original post they could of had at least some of this work done!

I also don't think its good to waste people's time and just collect quotes for the sake of it...

It's really not about the money as my parents have a more than enough funds to cover all the work required.

My Aunt and Uncle have just had their entire house refurbished and wow it looks stunning! When I mentioned to my parents how good their house looks and how we could do something similar they didn't seem to interested.

So I've just left them to it..

'we could have'?
It's not your house.
It's your parents' house.
Maybe they are reticent to have work done because they think you are far too involved.
I would back off before you really upset them.

I did think they were possibly in their late 70s or 80s when you first posted.
Early 60s?
I'm in my late 60s and would tell any child of mine who wants to revamp my house to mind then own business.

I hope when I am in my early 60s if my house is in such a poor condition that,

1) Water leaking through roof

2) Rendering falling off

3) Driveway Cracked

4) Windows not fitted correctly

5) Mould in every room

6) Kitchen seriously dated and some appliances no longer work such as oven

7) Paint peeling inside in almost every room

8) Bathroom cupboards warped due to being in constant contact with water

9) Door locks broken

my adult children offer to assist me in getting the work done. I probably won't take them up on the offer but I think I am unlikely to tell them to mind their own business.

But the OP's parents clearly don't want help.
How much clearer can they make it?
They clearly feel that the OP is getting involved in stuff they don't feel is his business.
You might offer to help your parents but if they don't want your help...do you back off or continue to try to convince them you are right?

I'm not sure if your questions are addressed to me.  I agree the OP's parents are unwilling or unable to accept their help or organise the repairs themselves. That was not the point of my post, it was to point out that, although you would tell your child to mind their own business, at least one person (me) would welcome an offer of assistance in similar circumstances and would not tell my child(ren) to mind own business, even if I did not accept their help. 

Well, I quoted your post so yes, my post was addressed to you.
The OP's parents have made it clear that they don't welcome an offer of assistance so maybe telling him to mind his own business would be the only way to get through to him.
As it is, he's decided to step back. 

On a separate point, I still don't understand why the OP feels embarrassed about the state of a house that he doesn't own.

I can.    Especially if there are other friends or family that think the reason that the house is in such a poor state because the OP has somehow let it happen.    Embarrassment usually stems from the perception of what other people think of you.


We had friends come and help us clear out our grandparent's house when they passed....it was in similar condition to the OP, for similar reasons, and yes it was embarrassing to have them see what state we had "allowed" in to get into.     We found ourselves saying "sorry about the mess" more than once!

Pollycat

Sea_Shell said:

Pollycat said:

Northern_Tribe said:

Pollycat said:

Northern_Tribe said:

Pollycat said:

SteveVy said:

Hi Folks,

Sorry for the delayed response my folks are their early 60's so not too old.

Anyway I've given up trying...they've had multiple people come out to provide quotes for various things and when I ask what's happening they just say "we are thinking about it"....so I've given up now...

It upsets me as from when I made this original post they could of had at least some of this work done!

I also don't think its good to waste people's time and just collect quotes for the sake of it...

It's really not about the money as my parents have a more than enough funds to cover all the work required.

My Aunt and Uncle have just had their entire house refurbished and wow it looks stunning! When I mentioned to my parents how good their house looks and how we could do something similar they didn't seem to interested.

So I've just left them to it..

'we could have'?
It's not your house.
It's your parents' house.
Maybe they are reticent to have work done because they think you are far too involved.
I would back off before you really upset them.

I did think they were possibly in their late 70s or 80s when you first posted.
Early 60s?
I'm in my late 60s and would tell any child of mine who wants to revamp my house to mind then own business.

I hope when I am in my early 60s if my house is in such a poor condition that,

1) Water leaking through roof

2) Rendering falling off

3) Driveway Cracked

4) Windows not fitted correctly

5) Mould in every room

6) Kitchen seriously dated and some appliances no longer work such as oven

7) Paint peeling inside in almost every room

8) Bathroom cupboards warped due to being in constant contact with water

9) Door locks broken

my adult children offer to assist me in getting the work done. I probably won't take them up on the offer but I think I am unlikely to tell them to mind their own business.

But the OP's parents clearly don't want help.
How much clearer can they make it?
They clearly feel that the OP is getting involved in stuff they don't feel is his business.
You might offer to help your parents but if they don't want your help...do you back off or continue to try to convince them you are right?

I'm not sure if your questions are addressed to me.  I agree the OP's parents are unwilling or unable to accept their help or organise the repairs themselves. That was not the point of my post, it was to point out that, although you would tell your child to mind their own business, at least one person (me) would welcome an offer of assistance in similar circumstances and would not tell my child(ren) to mind own business, even if I did not accept their help. 

Well, I quoted your post so yes, my post was addressed to you.
The OP's parents have made it clear that they don't welcome an offer of assistance so maybe telling him to mind his own business would be the only way to get through to him.
As it is, he's decided to step back. 

On a separate point, I still don't understand why the OP feels embarrassed about the state of a house that he doesn't own.

I can.    Especially if there are other friends or family that think the reason that the house is in such a poor state because the OP has somehow let it happen.    Embarrassment usually stems from the perception of what other people think of you.


We had friends come and help us clear out our grandparent's house when they passed....it was in similar condition to the OP, for similar reasons, and yes it was embarrassing to have them see what state we had "allowed" in to get into.     We found ourselves saying "sorry about the mess" more than once!

I could too...if the OP's parents were elderly.
They are in their early 60s.