Parents being too 'Tight'

sevenhills

RAS said:

I think one issue is that people in mid-life get their house sorted, reckon to stay and then stop doing things. 

A decade later or more, it might be a good idea to do things but when they find out the price, it's far more expensive than they expected based on their previous experience. 

Older people remember the prices from 20 years prior, so things always seem expensive

pollypenny

squirrelchops2 said:

My MIL is not tight as she has spent money on tthe house in recent years getting a new kitchen and boiler and will frequently spend on  clothes, holidays etc  however she recently said she is not spending any more money on the house, she is late 70s and FIL is 90.

However, although on the surface the house looks in good condition having stayed there recently it has become apparent that the electrics need doing and although the boiler was changed the radiators need changing as are the originals from when the house was built over 40 years ago. Then there are other smaller jobs eg decorating, carpeting etc.

She could live another 20 years and I do worry what condition the electrics and heating system will be like in that time. In my opinion she would have been better off getting this sorted now rather than some of the other spends she has made but there we go, it is her decision and, should this need to happen we will make it. 

My point really is, that there seems to come a time where some older people just dont want to spend money on something they don't really see as a benefit anymore....

Why would the radiators need changing if the system has been maintained?  

We replaced one radiator with a vertical in the dining room and another as it leaked, but otherwise all is fine. 

squirrelchops2

pollypenny said:

squirrelchops2 said:

My MIL is not tight as she has spent money on tthe house in recent years getting a new kitchen and boiler and will frequently spend on  clothes, holidays etc  however she recently said she is not spending any more money on the house, she is late 70s and FIL is 90.

However, although on the surface the house looks in good condition having stayed there recently it has become apparent that the electrics need doing and although the boiler was changed the radiators need changing as are the originals from when the house was built over 40 years ago. Then there are other smaller jobs eg decorating, carpeting etc.

She could live another 20 years and I do worry what condition the electrics and heating system will be like in that time. In my opinion she would have been better off getting this sorted now rather than some of the other spends she has made but there we go, it is her decision and, should this need to happen we will make it. 

My point really is, that there seems to come a time where some older people just dont want to spend money on something they don't really see as a benefit anymore....

Why would the radiators need changing if the system has been maintained?  

We replaced one radiator with a vertical in the dining room and another as it leaked, but otherwise all is fine. 

They are not efficient at all. In their living room where they spend a lot of time it doesn't heat the room properly for example. They are the old single layer radiators for want of a better way of explaining it.

They then use a gas burning coal effect fire to heat the room which is an ever increasing expense. I know they can do what they want i just want them to be as comfortable as they can at their age.

anotheruser

MEM62 said:

Your parents have the right to live their lives any way they see fit...

Actually, they don't.

There's lots of things people may want to do but cannot as it is not their right.
That's why we have things like planning permission, laws against certain speech, not walking around naked...  a little closer to home for this example is perhaps is environmental heath.

But you are correct when you say the OP needs to let go.

anotheruser

DairyQueen said:

I may not agree with my parents view on home decoration but I see their logic. Makes perfect sense. If you are likely to only live another 5/10 years then why on earth invest mega-money in home refurbs.

Perhaps younger generations have an eye on the inheritance value of parents' home more than the best interests of parents?

But let's bring this back to the example given:

1) Water leaking through roof

2) Rendering falling off

3) Driveway Cracked

4) Windows not fitted correctly

5) Mould in every room

6) Kitchen seriously dated and some appliances no longer work such as oven

7) Paint peeling inside in almost every room

8) Bathroom cupboards warped due to being in constant contact with water

9) Door locks broken

Not exactly stuff that should be brushed under the carpet.

If the older people in life want to let their quality of life fade with them, so be it.  But I wouldn't say that's the best decision ever, personally.  Get a new kitchen in your 70s yes because you may live another 20 years.

But then perhaps the older generation prefer "what they know" and thus don't want to change.  Afterall, you can't take your money with you so may as well enjoy it while you're here.

TripleH

My mother just sold a similar sized house (though in better condition as my father replastered it before he died).

The house had been on the market 3 years before my father passed with no offers. The windows were highlighted as an issue. After he passed my mother replaced them, relisted and sold it in 2 weeks.

Some can be funny about spending money to make money (my father was an accountant). Sometimes it's hard to change something you've lived in for so long as you notice the wear less than others and you worry that you doing work will erase the memories 'held in the walls'

jimbo6977

Does you local area have a service like this?

https://www.careandrepair.org.uk/en/your-area/western-bay-care-repair/services/

SteveVy

Hi Folks,

Sorry for the delayed response my folks are their early 60's so not too old.

Anyway I've given up trying...they've had multiple people come out to provide quotes for various things and when I ask what's happening they just say "we are thinking about it"....so I've given up now...

It upsets me as from when I made this original post they could of had at least some of this work done!

I also don't think its good to waste people's time and just collect quotes for the sake of it...

It's really not about the money as my parents have a more than enough funds to cover all the work required.

My Aunt and Uncle have just had their entire house refurbished and wow it looks stunning! When I mentioned to my parents how good their house looks and how we could do something similar they didn't seem to interested.

So I've just left them to it..

Pollycat

SteveVy said:

Hi Folks,

Sorry for the delayed response my folks are their early 60's so not too old.

Anyway I've given up trying...they've had multiple people come out to provide quotes for various things and when I ask what's happening they just say "we are thinking about it"....so I've given up now...

It upsets me as from when I made this original post they could of had at least some of this work done!

I also don't think its good to waste people's time and just collect quotes for the sake of it...

It's really not about the money as my parents have a more than enough funds to cover all the work required.

My Aunt and Uncle have just had their entire house refurbished and wow it looks stunning! When I mentioned to my parents how good their house looks and how we could do something similar they didn't seem to interested.

So I've just left them to it..

'we could have'?
It's not your house.
It's your parents' house.
Maybe they are reticent to have work done because they think you are far too involved.
I would back off before you really upset them.

I did think they were possibly in their late 70s or 80s when you first posted.
Early 60s?
I'm in my late 60s and would tell any child of mine who wants to revamp my house to mind then own business.

SteveVy

Pollycat said:

SteveVy said:

Hi Folks,

Sorry for the delayed response my folks are their early 60's so not too old.

Anyway I've given up trying...they've had multiple people come out to provide quotes for various things and when I ask what's happening they just say "we are thinking about it"....so I've given up now...

It upsets me as from when I made this original post they could of had at least some of this work done!

I also don't think its good to waste people's time and just collect quotes for the sake of it...

It's really not about the money as my parents have a more than enough funds to cover all the work required.

My Aunt and Uncle have just had their entire house refurbished and wow it looks stunning! When I mentioned to my parents how good their house looks and how we could do something similar they didn't seem to interested.

So I've just left them to it..

'we could have'?
It's not your house.
It's your parents' house.
Maybe they are reticent to have work done because they think you are far too involved.
I would back off before you really upset them.

I did think they were possibly in their late 70s or 80s when you first posted.
Early 60s?
I'm in my late 60s and would tell any child of mine who wants to revamp my house to mind then own business.

I am not too far involved, I simply was trying to help them get quotes I was letting them decide what they wanted!

I guess it comes down to living standards and self pride...

The house is a total mess and I feel ashamed when people visit!