Joining lives in our 30s

sheena36

Thanks again for all the comments. He's genuinely not a tool! Again, i think that potentially people are going to worst case scenario instead of seeing this for what it is! Not everyone is a scam artist! He is an inherently good human. This just isn't a simple scenario to work through! Things are much more simple if you are starting from the same position, we are not and are both potentially too independent at this point.

If it was reverse i guess I might be wary too. His dad is a part of this but is also giving this as an advance on his inheritance so the house is in my fella's name etc. I am offering to contribute as this will ultimately be our home. So i have picked the kitchen, bought bathroom suite etc. 

I am also the one who is suggesting my house gets sold. We both recognise that this makes sense for reasons already mentioned plus the market is good at the moment, I'd be making 100k+ compared to what I bought it for 6 years ago. I don't want to miss the boat if the housing market crashes. Following this convo I won't be putting any of this towards his house until we are at a point we are both comfortable with it. I'll put it into savings until I decide what to do with it. 

I can take the risk with the 15k I think but I will look into some sort of agreement for this. 

Sistergold

You are right so many people come to ask for advise after they are homeless. At least you asked before anything went too far at this point you will do all of it with your eyes wide open. Good luck and we hope for happy endings indeed! 

Slithery

sheena36 said:
His dad is a part of this but is also giving this as an advance on his inheritance so the house is in my fella's name etc.

Bear in mind that until someone actually passes away there is no guaranteed 'inheritance'. His father may end up having to spend his entire estate on care home fees meaning that the property would need to be sold and the money that his father put in returned.

Lavendyr

sheena36 said:

Thanks again for all the comments. He's genuinely not a tool! Again, i think that potentially people are going to worst case scenario instead of seeing this for what it is! Not everyone is a scam artist! He is an inherently good human. This just isn't a simple scenario to work through! Things are much more simple if you are starting from the same position, we are not and are both potentially too independent at this point.

If it was reverse i guess I might be wary too. His dad is a part of this but is also giving this as an advance on his inheritance so the house is in my fella's name etc. I am offering to contribute as this will ultimately be our home. So i have picked the kitchen, bought bathroom suite etc. 

I am also the one who is suggesting my house gets sold. We both recognise that this makes sense for reasons already mentioned plus the market is good at the moment, I'd be making 100k+ compared to what I bought it for 6 years ago. I don't want to miss the boat if the housing market crashes. Following this convo I won't be putting any of this towards his house until we are at a point we are both comfortable with it. I'll put it into savings until I decide what to do with it. 

I can take the risk with the 15k I think but I will look into some sort of agreement for this. 

Let me set my situation out as it might help and I too have taken a leap of faith with my partner, to whom I am not yet married. 

My partner and I have bought a house together as joint tenants. I put up a 25% deposit - he did not have the funds - from my previous house sale to my ex-husband. This means he is entitled to the whole house on my death. He has two children and to me it is essential that he is able to continue to raise them in our family home. We have been together for 2.5 years so not a long time. He is inherently a good person and I trust him completely. So I get this. I have absolutely no concerns about how our finances work. We have a joint account from which we cover the mortgage and other bills and there is zero contention about who pays for what. 

The thing that is giving me concern is that you won't have a claim to the house if you put money into it. For me, I wouldn't put myself or my OH in that position because it's our home. So if you are selling your home and putting money into his, I'd expect him to, at the very least, put you on the title as a tenant in common with a share equal to your input. 

[quote="sheena36"] After a discussion he doesn't feel that my name will go on his house until we are married. I would foresee the earnings from my house to be joint earnings.[/quote]

I think this is the piece that worries me most. Marriage has nothing honestly to do with a secure financial and home position. We've made sure via wills and insurance that if one of us dies, the other will receive enough to cover the mortgage and enable us to keep the house. This is not only for our benefit but to ensure that my partner's children have a stable home. But if he won't put you on the deeds until you are married, then I would not see any earnings from your house to be joint until you are married also. 

Gycraig

So he is living with you rent free while he renovated his own house, he then wants you to sell your house and put 15k into his house for renovations. With no name on the deeds. 

So his house is his house but your house is couples money ?. He may be trust worthy and lovely but the description you are describing isn’t something someone trust worthy would ask you to do, if it goes sideways he could tell you to jog on and kick you out leaving you 15k down and without a house, while HIS house you aren’t on the deeds for could have gone up 50%. 

Do not put a penny into HIS house, if he wants you to put money in sell it and buy a house together, or rent his out and get a house with equal deposits between you. 

Bendy_House

sheena36 said:

Thanks again for all the comments. He's genuinely not a tool! Again, i think that potentially people are going to worst case scenario instead of seeing this for what it is! Not everyone is a scam artist! He is an inherently good human. This just isn't a simple scenario to work through! Things are much more simple if you are starting from the same position, we are not and are both potentially too independent at this point.

If it was reverse i guess I might be wary too. His dad is a part of this but is also giving this as an advance on his inheritance so the house is in my fella's name etc. I am offering to contribute as this will ultimately be our home. So i have picked the kitchen, bought bathroom suite etc. 

I am also the one who is suggesting my house gets sold. We both recognise that this makes sense for reasons already mentioned plus the market is good at the moment, I'd be making 100k+ compared to what I bought it for 6 years ago. I don't want to miss the boat if the housing market crashes. Following this convo I won't be putting any of this towards his house until we are at a point we are both comfortable with it. I'll put it into savings until I decide what to do with it. 

I can take the risk with the 15k I think but I will look into some sort of agreement for this. 

That is absolutely fine, and seems perfectly sensible (bearing in mind the other caveat from Slithery above).

Folk aren't 'going to' worst case scenario in their replies, but making it clear what could happen given the wcs. Which will most likely not happen. Almost certainly won't. But it might. Even tho' it's unlikely. But if it does, then... *

See?! :-)

Totally understand you don't want to miss out of the current housing market and are therefore considering selling. Bear in mind, tho', that once you have - what? - £200k, £300k, £400k, £more? - sitting in your account after you've moved in with him but are not yet married, will there be any 'pressure' to use some of that for further improvements? You are happy to put in £15k from your savings - fair do's - but what about £45k for a nice garden room? £55k for a loft conversion? I mean, that'll hardly dent your savings...

Married? Fine. Not married? Nah... So please consider what 'selling' your place too soon might do.

(* Far too many tales of woe on here in a similar vein.)

mobileron

Whos the sucker you or him.

elsien

mobileron said:

Whos the sucker you or him.

Is that really necessary? 

RogerBareford

sheena36 said:

Thanks again for all the comments. He's genuinely not a tool! Again, i think that potentially people are going to worst case scenario instead of seeing this for what it is! Not everyone is a scam artist! He is an inherently good human. This just isn't a simple scenario to work through! Things are much more simple if you are starting from the same position, we are not and are both potentially too independent at this point.

If it was reverse i guess I might be wary too. His dad is a part of this but is also giving this as an advance on his inheritance so the house is in my fella's name etc. I am offering to contribute as this will ultimately be our home. So i have picked the kitchen, bought bathroom suite etc. 

I am also the one who is suggesting my house gets sold. We both recognise that this makes sense for reasons already mentioned plus the market is good at the moment, I'd be making 100k+ compared to what I bought it for 6 years ago. I don't want to miss the boat if the housing market crashes. Following this convo I won't be putting any of this towards his house until we are at a point we are both comfortable with it. I'll put it into savings until I decide what to do with it. 

I can take the risk with the 15k I think but I will look into some sort of agreement for this. 

I really don't think people are saying all this because they are thinking of the worst case scenario, they are saying it because it's the sensible thing to do to make sure you are both protected.

Myself and my partner are not married and we had different levels of assets when we met and when we bought a property together.

We have always trusted each other 100% and i can't see either of us every being unfair or trying to rip off each other.

So because of this then we felt it was a no brainer to get it all put in place legally so we both got our fair share as that was what we both wanted.

RAS

sheena36 said:

Thanks again for all the comments. He's genuinely not a tool! Again, i think that potentially people are going to worst case scenario instead of seeing this for what it is! Not everyone is a scam artist! He is an inherently good human. This just isn't a simple scenario to work through! Things are much more simple if you are starting from the same position, we are not and are both potentially too independent at this point.

You put money into his house (as you already have by letting him live rent free in your house).

And he's in a car crash, or meets some little toe-rag with a blade. His dad will inherit, unless he already has children.

Would dad let you continue to live there, rent-free. Would he make sure that cash was freed up so that you could buy a house equivalent to your existing one? At a price determined by the market, not at the price you sold at?