My Sister Really Annoys Me

paddy's_mum

"He won't phone or visit for about a week.."? Good! To my mind, that is exactly what you probably need and such an unpleasant attitude would, for me, simply reinforce that the guy has nothing I admire nor want. I'd be 'going out' even more regularly if it prevented such a dollop taking over my house, freedom and time.

Without in any way wishing to be rude, perhaps you need to be a little more firm with them both and slowly but surely make it clear that you will no longer be dictated to/belittled/upset, especially in your own home. Maybe now is the time to let them know just what they are risking, in terms of losing the relationship with you and your family, if they will not grow up/wise up/shut up!

Ellidee

:T Well said Paddy's Mum.

debsy42

She sounds just like Hyacinth Bucket, keep telling yourself that the next time she starts going on with herself Or tell her you and your OH's new nicknames are Onslow and Daisy and let her figure it out herself...

Ellidee

Don't forget the dog in the in the broken down car on the front :rotfl:

Savvy_Sue

Anniek1969 wrote: »

Her DH will come up himself though and sits all day, he expects you to drop everything so that you will be in for him and when I say i'm not going to be in he goes in a mood and won't phone or visit for about a week.

Well that's no great loss, is it? But it does make me wonder if she has a go at you because she's dominated by him, and very unhappy? It's no excuse for her rudeness, but maybe it's a sort of cry for help that she doesn't know she's making. It does sound quite a dysfunctional kind of relationship, you said before she hadn't been 'allowed' to do anything - would your DH be able to STOP you doing anything you wanted to do?

Anniek1969 wrote: »

I did lose it with her a few years ago and told her to stop finding fault with everything I do and her answer to that was she's only looking out for me as I don't have a mum, I think she forgets that i'm 38 and can look after myself.

But she's NOT your mum, and who's looking out for her?

Write to her if you can't speak to her along these lines.

kippers

If you don't want a family row try feeling really sorry for her each and everytime she makes a quip at you.

I feel very glad i've not got a life like her. When you die you won't say "i wish i'd worked more hours and bought this and that", you will be glad for the time you spent with your family and glad you didn't have big debt worries like your sister will have soon...and it WILL catch up with her sooner or later!

Anniek1969

Thanks again everyone, I only put up with her because she is really the only family I have and I do feel really sorry for her. I know deep down she is unhappy and i'll always be there for her if she needs me but I just wish she wasn't so brash. It's not just me she's rude to she's very outspoken with just about everyone but with me it's more personal things she's rude about.

She's not always like this she does have a softer side which comes out occasionally, like in October it was their 25th wedding anniversary and they had planned a weekend away for about 30 people and wasn't really keen on going and was doing my best to get out of it and she told me that she didn't care who went as long as I was there, it was the only anniversary present she wanted was for me to be there with her. We eventually comprimised and we went for the second night and TBH it was a really good night and not one comment was made and she spent the night laughing and joking with me.

She's always sending me emails too, the soppy ones about how much I mean to her etc... you know the type so I know deep down she does love me.

Anniek1969

debsy42 I like the Hyacinth comment, we have a laugh about us being Daisy and Onslow when we watch it although in their case there's two Hyacinths and no Richard.

kittiej

Speaking as a Mrs Jones myself, if anyone would like to keep up with me then

I do have my old car in my front garden (cos i can't bear to part with it mainly).

My house is full of toys and quite messy really with a 2 and 3 year old running about the place.

Feel free to follow everyone lol!

As for your sis, whenever she starts going on about how fab her shiny life and trinkets are, I would feel smug in the knowledge that you are not steeping in a pot of misery, you don't have her debts to weigh you down,

and in fact your life is pretty damn good actually!

Ignore the dross and enjoy the good times.

paddy's_mum

Well then Annie - it seems to me that you have only two choices. Either you let the comments go over your head, secure in the knowledge that your way is best for you and your family (and I so agree about not going down the troubled road of debt again) or you will have to speak to her.

No matter what her problems, and her declarations of loving you very much, it is not kind to make you the butt of her comments, and to criticise you in front of others, who she herself has brought into your home, is really pretty obnoxious behaviour. Within my own family, I am well known for having a pretty sharp tongue if something upsets me enough or I can clearly see that it is unwise behaviour, but I would expect to be severely scolded and probably shunned for a while by my daughters, mother or sisters if I should stoop to that kind of petty tyranny.

If your sister and her husband truly think you live in a undecorated, undisciplined pigsty, with your children malnourished, why aren't they (and their pleased-to-come-along friends) making genuine offers to lend a robust hand or two? While her hubby is sitting on his bum, lording it in your home, he could be slapping up a coat of paint, doing a mini-clean of the cooker, fetching in the coal for the fire, peeling a pan of potatoes .. whatever may be appropriate in your case.

The fact is, they are most definitely not offering practical help of this nature and therefore, I would find their motives for offering you this so-called 'advice' very suspect.

Only you can decide what you choose to do about it, but I second an earlier suggestion (sorry . can't remember who and don't want to lose this essay by checking) that you write to your sister telling her how much her criticisms upset you. If she does it to others as well, then I would hazard a guess that the massive amount of work, borrowing and spending is to buy friends.

Your best punch-line might be that your Mum would be turning over in her grave to see how unkind and hurtful your sister is being with her cutting comments. What a horrid thing for your sister to say to anyone, let alone someone who also lost a mother.

In this life, I am all for give and take but sometimes it becomes a case of "oh good - you give and I'll take!" I hope you find a way to solve this so that harmony can be restored. Good luck.