My Sister Really Annoys Me

Anniek1969

Just really need a bit of moral support. Had my sister and her husband up on an unexpected visit and she has made me feel really down.

To give you a bit of background she has 2 grown up kids and has a house to die for but only because she is mortgaged up to the hilt. She has taken mortgage advance after advance and spent around twenty thousand pounds on her house to decorate it. Everything she buys has to be top of the range and they never forget to remind you how much it costs. They drive a brand new car (on H.P. of course) and she has her own car that's only 2 years old (also on H.P) which she barely uses.

They are very opinionated and are forever telling me that i'm a bad mother as i'm not overly strict with my girls and I even allow them to have their own opinions on things. In my opinion my house is a home not a show house and people should feel comfortable when they visit. The real problem is with the house though as it's not completely decorated and there is a fair amount of diy needing done. Due to money we can't afford to get people in to do it so it's getting done by us very slowly and it's not good enough for them. They think we should take out a secured loan and pay people to do it for us, which admittedly would be wonderful but after clawing our way out of £25000 worth of debt and getting it down to about £9000 in the last few years we don't want to start back on that road again.

They talk about us to their friends and are always bringing people up with them and I think it's so they can say look how nice our house it compared to theirs. They forget when their kids were small and they were in masses of debt that they couldn't pay, they have had loads of help from his family who have always had a bit of money.

They just make me really mad, their answer to everything is to re-mortgage but we're trying to do it all without getting into debt.

She constantly runs me down especially when she has an audience, according to her I don't do any housework and I don't cook because I can't and that we eat take-away every other night which is absolute nonsense. I know that she obviously has some issues that make her this way but it really upsets me to the point of tears sometimes. My DH is useless he just tells me to laugh it off but I find it very hard to do that. The thing that really upset me today was that she said that my mother would be turning in her grave if she could see the state of my house, I think that was really below the belt and has really left me near to tears.

I just wish she would mind her own business and get off my back.

Sorry for the long rant but if I didn't do this I would be looking at websites to get secured loan quotes because I just don't know how much more I can take.

lilac_lady

Some people only feel secure if they can put other people down. Your sister is probably annoyed because you're not impressed by her lifestyle. If she brings anyone to your house and starts to comment about you I would suggest to her that as your house seems to annoy her perhaps it would be better if you met in a cafe in future? She won't like that because it'll mean she can't show off her house to you.

You're doing the right thing by not getting into debt. Live YOUR life, not one dictated to you by someone elase.

Anniek1969

Thanks, I know she must have some personal issues to be like this. I think it's because material things don't bother me because there's more to life than how much you paid for your suite or carpet but for them that's what life's all about. They are the kind of people that know the price of everything but the value of nothing.

missjennipenni

I think she has some un-resolved issues or may even have depressions or something. Id tell her not to visit your home any more if it offends her. Tell her that you are very happy with your home, your family are loved and well cared for and she should butt out unless she has real concerns about your or your kids welfare. All said very politely of course!

belfastgirl23

Oh dear Annie, you've had a rough few days

I was trying to think of a way to say this nicely but you do know your sis is an idiot don't you? Please please try to keep this in mind when you talk to her. She might think she's better than you etc but really, come on, you MUST know deep down you're doing things the right way

I'd suggest cultivating an attitude of pity for her really. I always think anyone who needs so badly to look down on someone else really has problems. The need for showy car and perfect house to me seems to be about masking who you are. If you're happy in yourself you don't get all critical about other people.

As for your poor DH in these situations you can't do right for doing wrong and he is probably figuring the best bet is to keep his mouth shut and keep out of it. long term you'll probably thank him for it since it's a lot harder to mend in-law arguments than family arguments.

And it is always very easy to criticise other peoples childrearing. I'm guilty of this myself even tho i don't have kids But you do it the way that suits your family.

Let her comments wash over you. You are giving her a heck of a lot of power by letting her comments bug you. At the end of the day it's your opinion that matters not hers. So try to learn to laugh it off. It might be fake at first but in the end up it will be genuine. I'd also throw in a few comments of my own (jokes with a jag as we say here). So I'd be laughing when she comes off with one of her criticisms and saying she's old fashioned and fusty or whatever. Don't take it lying down girl!!

zfrl

:grouphug:Big hugs. Don't you hate families? They think they have the right to criticise and belittle you just because you are a relation. Just keep reminding yourself that you are working for a long term goal & she is living in a lot of debt which is beyond her control.
I'm sure you will gets lots of support here.

candygirl

What's the saying..."You can choose your friends but not your family."To be honest your sis sounds like a materialistic, insecure biatch, and if all her self worth is wrapped up in things she owns, she is a very sad person.
As for her saying stuff about your house, just think about how well you are doing getting out of debt, and how much debt she's in, and who is better off really!!

Rikki

Maybe her life is not all she makes it out to be. She sound insecure and need to be surrounded by expensive things and people she feels better than.

She is living her life on credit and in some ways she is pretending to be someone she's not. Keeping up with her social circle.

Maybe when you get the time to talk a gentle reminder about how you have few money worries and sleep soundly at night and are not jealous of her life style on borrowed money.

Anniek1969

I keep reminding myself that when i'm her age (she's 7 years older than me) i'll be debt free, all girls will be at school and i'll be able to go back to work. Her DH is very demanding and stubborn and she's not allowed to do anything on her own, he basically rules her life and she make out that she likes it that way so I think that's why she's like that with me, as me and DH have a very happy relationship and we both do things on our own if we want to. When her kids were young she had to take on part-time cleaning jobs to make ends meet as her DH hasn't worked in over 20 years. He makes out he can't work because he has a bad back but it's only because he weighs so much that he has a bad back. She has basically been a slave to him for the last 25 years and I think she's envious that I have a much easier life than her, even now she works over 70hrs some weeks because they need the money to pay their debts.

Thanks everyone, feeling much happier now after reading all your lovely replies. Glad I posted.

missjennipenni

She doesnt sound like a very happy person, whereas you seem very happy & cheerfull. I knwo which person id rather envy

candygirl

Anniek1969 wrote: »

I keep reminding myself that when i'm her age (she's 7 years older than me) i'll be debt free, all girls will be at school and i'll be able to go back to work. Her DH is very demanding and stubborn and she's not allowed to do anything on her own, he basically rules her life and she make out that she likes it that way so I think that's why she's like that with me, as me and DH have a very happy relationship and we both do things on our own if we want to. When her kids were young she had to take on part-time cleaning jobs to make ends meet as her DH hasn't worked in over 20 years. He makes out he can't work because he has a bad back but it's only because he weighs so much that he has a bad back. She has basically been a slave to him for the last 25 years and I think she's envious that I have a much easier life than her, even now she works over 70hrs some weeks because they need the money to pay their debts.

Thanks everyone, feeling much happier now after reading all your lovely replies. Glad I posted.

Seeeeeeee you definitely have a better life than her;) .If she works 70 hours a week, and slaves after a fat lazy bloke, she really has nothing that you would want.
I'd feel more pity, than envy for her, as the material stuff is probably to compensate for the rest of it.:D