My Sister Really Annoys Me

Mrs7ones

Poor you, I have an idea how you feel...
I have a sister that is a little bit like that (although not quite as bad), but it was her on the phone to me last year crying cos she had found out her OH was having an affair, not the other way around!!
I'd choose my life over hers any day!!

Anniek1969

Like you Mrs7ones I would choose my life over hers any day but she's just such a dominant person it's so hard to laugh it off. I get really fed up looking at my house sometimes and would love to just pick up the phone and get the professionals in but I couldn't go back to getting into debt and the last thing I need is her pointing out how bad it all looks.

I know I have the better life and I do feel sorry for her as I know the life she has is not the life she would have chosen to have, she just sort of sat back and let it take over her and now she's stuck with a 45 year old over weight baby to look after.

back2square1

Your situation all sounds very familiar. I have had exactly the same with my twin sister. I can remember her saying to me some years ago when I went to pick her and her children up.
"Come on kids we're slumming it today in Auntie's car!" She has constantly tried to pull me down, criticised me for various things but I was the one she would come running to everytime she had a problem. She needed me far more than I ever needed her.

I hardly see her anymore and we live within 50 feet of each other! She is a miserable person who's life is controlled by how heavy she is, how much money she looks like she has. Its called insecurity!! I would not swap places with her and I am sure you would not like to swap places with your sister either.

So always bear that in mind - they are jealous!!!

miss_corerupted

and all the re morgating will bite her in the bum someday!

celyn90

Woah, you're not related to my family are you!??! This sounds exactly like my aunt, who does the exact same thing to my mum. She has a go at my mum at every opportunity for the exact same things; her house/car/life/flashy gadget etc etc is so much better than us. And it's worse because noone of us care; we were brought up not to need or want stuff like that. What was us important to us was the people in the house, not the finery of it. I think that is why she resorts to personal insults, because the brand new whatever never even raised a comment amongst us, let alone the required jealousy/admiration.

I agree with the other posters on this, it sounds to me like insecurity. I know it can be hurtful, it used to really upset my mum - having our house described as a "hovel" was one of the milder insults (and there was nothing wrong with it, it just wasn't the show home she wanted to see!). It's easy for us to say don't let it get to you, but I know it isn't that easy, but all of us here will urge you not to start taking on massive debts on the back her being horrible, you've seen it and you know what it can do. Everything bought on plastic isn't owned until the debt is paid, maybe she needs reminding of that.

Have you ever answered back to her? My mum is normally a fairly placid person but she finally snapped when her sister (who is also rather dominant) told her that "they'd had the wrong children" to which my mum replied "really? If I'd have had yours, they wouldn't have turned out that way"

She's been a lot quieter of late

Horace

Anniek1969 wrote: »

Like you Mrs7ones I would choose my life over hers any day but she's just such a dominant person it's so hard to laugh it off. I get really fed up looking at my house sometimes and would love to just pick up the phone and get the professionals in but I couldn't go back to getting into debt and the last thing I need is her pointing out how bad it all looks.

I know I have the better life and I do feel sorry for her as I know the life she has is not the life she would have chosen to have, she just sort of sat back and let it take over her and now she's stuck with a 45 year old over weight baby to look after.

If your nasty sister doesn't like your house, why does she visit? Still, if she doesn't like how your house is decorated, perhaps you should point out to her that a) she doesn't have to visit and b) you haven't got a spare £20K to do the work. Bet if you ask her to pick up a paintbrush she'll run a mile.:D

It must be awful for her to be so shallow and have an overweight baby to look after. Your life is better than hers from what I can see and she is the one who should be jealous of you - after all your debt is small compared to hers. Who knows that maybe this year or maybe next she'll have a repossession order on her house for non-payment of her mortgages.

whitewing

Anniek - you have your goals and they are great goals so stick with them.

It can be really difficult to keep on track with MSE targets because whenever you feel good, someone/something comes along to ruin it. But you will make progress and just do what is right for you. And remember that sometimes we can be a little oversensitive ourselves with how we perceive others are seeing us (eg sister bringing other people up may be for her own moral support, she could be very threatened by your self-control)

tomstickland

Quite often, those who are very materialistic struggle to understand those who are not, and the outlet of this is that they have to constantly snipe. I've had it happen to me with cars. 95% of people understand what I'm doing, but I've encountered one or two who have to say things like "I'd never drive round in an old wreck like that". They say it because I'm threatening their belief system. ie: they are slaves to buying new things.
The most important thing is to know what you want and to stick to your own principles.

scrimpingbadger

I feel for you - sisters, eh? can't live with 'em, can't shoot 'em!
There is a very nasty and sinister side to some women (I am a woman, I hasten to add) and indeed there are some who only feel good about themselves if they put someone else down. After years of oppression you would have thought we could be a little more supportive of each other!
Whether it's, housekeeeping, child rearing, apprearance or house/car condition they'll always be someone somewhere does it better, or thinks they do it better than you. Let 'em think that. You know the truth.

In my experience there's usually more to the other person's life than you imagine. Chances are she's jealous as hell.

Well done for holding your tongue though. I'm not sure I could! Maintaining a dignified silence must be bloody hard (but, no doubt, the best thing to do)

Anniek1969

Thanks everyone, feeling so much better now. It's always the silly little comments that annoy me the most like she'll ask us down for the day (she lives over 50 miles away) and say something like "i'll cook you a proper home made dinner for a change" and the best laugh is it's her hubby that does all the cooking as she can't cook. It's got to the stage that my daughters jump in and answer for me sometimes as they get so fed up with her comments.

Tom I know what you mean about the car, I just recently passed my driving test and have a seven year old car, the first question they asked my DH was what car are you buying her and where shocked when I said I didn't want another car as I was happy with the one we have.

I didn't realise that there were so many people with the same family problems, I feel better now that I know that i'm not alone. When I look at the friends they've got they only have one that is IMO above their standard but they have worked hard to get it all, the rest of their friends are probably about the income level we are at so they obviously surround themselves with people they feel that they are better than to make themselves feel better.

My mum always had a saying for everything and I know if she was here now she would tell them that you can't take it with you, you only get one shot at life so go out and live it.