Domestic Violence and Financial Abuse - left with £000's worth of debt

GeorgianaCavendish

Congratulations on getting that waste of space out of your life - things will get better from here on! 

I know that facing all the debts is terrifying - I was really scared when I added up all of my debts for the first time, but I promise it does get easier. There is a lot of great advice on these boards, and even though it feels impossible right now you will soon start to see progress being made until one day the debts and your ex are a distant memory. 

I would maybe park the idea of selling / getting rid of his stuff for a little while - you can revisit that idea down the line when you have got some of the other bits sorted. Concentrate on getting your SOA together and contacting the creditors to get them to only communicate with you in writing, and to see if you can get the "breathing space" breaks in place while you figure out your next step. 

downandoutagain

Grumpelstiltskin said:

Well let him take you to court, you have a good defence with everything that has happened.

You have no spare money to pay him so what would he achieve?

blooming hope that i have!

downandoutagain

EssexHebridean said:

Congratulations on getting rid of such an oxygen thief - it's just a shame you have had to go through what you have to reach this point, but at least you're free of him now. 

I assume you've changed the locks to the house? 

I can absolutely understand why you're so angry that he's walking round free of all debt etc while you're left picking up the pieces - BUT you need to try to take a deep breath and let go of that fury now or it will eat you alive. I can appreciate that's easier said than done, but honestly - he's taken enough from you, don't let him make you bitter as well! 

this hit me quite hard, i hadnt expected just how angry i am.  i am waiting on therapy, as i will never trust again.  yes the locks have been changed.  the best £300 i ever spent!

Debtworrier1981

My ex did this to me, so you’re not alone. Its hard knowing it will take so long to pay the debts off, but I focus on the fact that life would be way harder still in the relationship. Good luck with it all a 

Grumpelstiltskin

Please do your SOA and post it on here.

When we can see the figures involved we will know the best way for you to go forward.

When you have this information you will fell better and in control.

downandoutagain

Grumpelstiltskin said:

Please do your SOA and post it on here.

When we can see the figures involved we will know the best way for you to go forward.

When you have this information you will fell better and in control.

i will do it today - might be late though 

Grumpelstiltskin

Great, don't rush it, it needs to be accurate and try and get the interest rates on the different debts, the more accurate it is the easier it will be for the good people here to advise you on the best way forward.

powerspowers

Sending you some good vibes today @downandoutagain

downandoutagain

thankyou so so much x

TripleH

Don't fret about getting rid of his stuff however you choose to do it (I would sell what I could).

Can "he" prove he owns / bought any of it, I doubt "he" can. This is an empty threat for him to keep some control over you.

He will try to put pressure saying you can't get rid of the stuff but won't do anything to move it. His way of staying in your life likely bad smell.

I try not to think ill of people, but I cannot think of an adequate description of him. Leaches may be parasites but have proven medical use so unfair on them to describe him as such.

Please do post your budget situation in full, there is always a solution to any problem.