Domestic Violence and Financial Abuse - left with £000's worth of debt

downandoutagain

Grumpelstiltskin said:

  'i would start to sell his stuff, if i didnt think he would come after me for more money! saying i owed him!  he has refused to collect it unless i list it etc, and anything missing i have to financially reimburse him for! '

You don't have to reimburse him, he would have to take you to court, obtain a court order etc. etc.

I will put this in capitals.

DO NOT CONTACTT HIM, BLOCK HIM.

I wouldnt put it past him to take me to court...

and i have blocked him on all fronts x

Grumpelstiltskin

Well let him take you to court, you have a good defence with everything that has happened.

You have no spare money to pay him so what would he achieve?

theoretica

Is his stuff actually valuable and would make a dent in the debts he has promised to repay to you if you sold it?  Or stuff he/you may have paid a lot for but doesn't actually have a resale value?

BlueJ94

so sorry you had to go through this, it sounds awful! But, welcome along to the forum. We're all a friendly bunch to lean on when needed

downandoutagain

theoretica said:

Is his stuff actually valuable and would make a dent in the debts he has promised to repay to you if you sold it?  Or stuff he/you may have paid a lot for but doesn't actually have a resale value?

no it wouldnt cover 1/8th of what he owes me.  its house clearance stuff really.

moving_forward

One day this will all be behind you. You will be much stronger for it. Keep working on your mental health. My GAD and depression can make things seem so much harder at times. Try and think how far you have come not how far to go. It's been a year and you did it. You got rid and are moving on. Cleaning up the mess yes but not making more x

IntoTheForest

I was in a very similar situation 10 years ago. It does get easier but taking control of the situation is scary.

So I typed out a letter stating he could collect his belongings on X date and time from my driveway and if not collected I would be disposing of them after 3 months. I sent the letter to his mother's address as I didn't know where he had gone. He never showed up so I then got a friend to sell anything worthwhile and tipped the rest. I think the law is not well defined but you can't store his belongings forever and what is the likelyhood he has the money to take you to court? 

As for the debts I had to pay for everything that was in my name and that was the whole lot. I first collected all debt letters and made a list of how much I fully owed and then worked out a realistic budget including amounts for contingencies. There is so much good information on this site and I made full use of it. I used template letters and wrote to every creditor. I managed to get interest frozen on all of my debts and payment plans in place for most. I was only paying £5 a month on some debts. I then used the debt snowball method and threw any extra money and the smallest debts. 

Oddly the only company (a utility provider so no interest) who wouldn't accept a payment plan past my debt on to a debt collection agency about 5 years after I defaulted and I then reached a full and final settlement for less than 50pc the original debt. 

Good luck and stay strong. 

EssexHebridean

Congratulations on getting rid of such an oxygen thief - it's just a shame you have had to go through what you have to reach this point, but at least you're free of him now. 

I assume you've changed the locks to the house? 

I can absolutely understand why you're so angry that he's walking round free of all debt etc while you're left picking up the pieces - BUT you need to try to take a deep breath and let go of that fury now or it will eat you alive. I can appreciate that's easier said than done, but honestly - he's taken enough from you, don't let him make you bitter as well! 

satchmo1

I'd leave his stuff in bin bags where they can be collected by the charity vans. You've given him fair warning to collect, he hasn't, no longer your problem. Keep a record of how/when you told him, so if he tries to take you to court you have proof that you gave him notice. 

You don't owe him a penny or another minute of your time. 

Wishing you a full recovery from this odious man. It's a year since I helped my sister move out from a controlling man. Thankfully she hasn't suffered financially. 

Sncjw

Didn't want to read and run but this forum is a lovely bunch who will help out. 

Yes we ask for alot of details but they are very experienced to pointing you to the right direction and as you have seen some have gone through it them selves. 

Take a deep breath and breathe out your new life starts now.