Domestic Violence and Financial Abuse - left with £000's worth of debt

swampduck

Okay now that the lowlife is out of your life you can deal with this.

Just remember the expression - How do you eat an elephant? Answer: One bite at a time!!

As suggested earlier - do complete a statement of affairs. Gather all your information together and all your papers and fill it out. This will give you an opportunity to sort out any paperwork - get rid of envelopes - get the different debts sorted into date order with the most recent on top. Then sit down and write a letter to each of them briefly stating your circumstances, that you are obtaining support from Step Change or whoever and that all correspondence is to be in writing only!! That will stop the phone calls - if your creditors persist in phoning you - just say that everything is to be in writing from now and they are to remove your phone number from their records - there will be no conversations via the phone. This way you will gain control and then when and if you contact them - it is in writing - don't phone them!!

Once we have your statement of affairs - then there are plenty of people that are well experienced here and can give you the help you need.

Don't chase him to collect his things - start selling his belongings and throw the money at your debts. If he still has a fancy car then look at the paperwork - if on Finance there comes usually comes a point at which you can return the car (not sure how this works for PCP though) 

The main thing is that you have enough for you to live, keep a roof over your head, pay your council tax and other essential bills. Debts come a long way down that list - they can't get money out of someone who hasn't got it. Once you are settled with day to day living then you can address the debts even if you only end up paying token payments. 

Move forward to a better life without this man!! Wishing you lots of luck

MissFlossy222

I'm sorry to hear what an awful time you've had. As others have said, you've done the hardest part, but you're not alone. You'll get lots of advice and support here and you could also contact Stepchange or Citizens Advice. 

Take a breath. Collect as much information about your finances as you can. Contact your creditors and ask breathing space - you can do this in writing if you can face the phone.
Once you've completed an SOA we can advise you on your options. The important thing to remember is that there ARE options, your situation is not hopeless.

downandoutagain

kazwookie said:

You need to set about proving to the banks or similar you were a victim of ID fraud.

Start to get a list together of ££ is owed to whom, with dates, interest amounts %, amounts you have paid. etc.

Report the matter to the police as ID fraud.

Like others have said get up a soa.

he didnt steal my ID, he coerced me into spending credit that he knew I coudnt afford, while spending his on money on himself and not contirbuting in anyway to his keep, nor pay me back the money he owes me 

downandoutagain

swampduck said:

Okay now that the lowlife is out of your life you can deal with this.

Just remember the expression - How do you eat an elephant? Answer: One bite at a time!!

As suggested earlier - do complete a statement of affairs. Gather all your information together and all your papers and fill it out. This will give you an opportunity to sort out any paperwork - get rid of envelopes - get the different debts sorted into date order with the most recent on top. Then sit down and write a letter to each of them briefly stating your circumstances, that you are obtaining support from Step Change or whoever and that all correspondence is to be in writing only!! That will stop the phone calls - if your creditors persist in phoning you - just say that everything is to be in writing from now and they are to remove your phone number from their records - there will be no conversations via the phone. This way you will gain control and then when and if you contact them - it is in writing - don't phone them!!

Once we have your statement of affairs - then there are plenty of people that are well experienced here and can give you the help you need.

Don't chase him to collect his things - start selling his belongings and throw the money at your debts. If he still has a fancy car then look at the paperwork - if on Finance there comes usually comes a point at which you can return the car (not sure how this works for PCP though) 

The main thing is that you have enough for you to live, keep a roof over your head, pay your council tax and other essential bills. Debts come a long way down that list - they can't get money out of someone who hasn't got it. Once you are settled with day to day living then you can address the debts even if you only end up paying token payments. 

Move forward to a better life without this man!! Wishing you lots of luck

thankyou so much.  with regards to his car, he took the finance in his own name.  he deceived the finance company because he said he was working and he wasnt.  he provided his last four months payslips because he had just left the company and in relation to his paperwork everything was recent. 

i would start to sell his stuff, if i didnt think he would come after me for more money! saying i owed him!  he has refused to collect it unless i list it etc, and anything missing i have to financially reimburse him for! 

downandoutagain

what stresses me out is that he did this exact same thing to his most recent ex-wife, saying her spending was out of control.  he left her with debt too.  at least i did not marry this guy, or i would be in serious trouble.

he gets to swan around like a lord while i feel like my life has ended

theoretica

I think you need to accept that he is a nasty greedy piece of work, and there is no action you can take that will stop him blustering and asking for more money.  He will ask, and demand, it is what he does.

moving_forward

Do not itemise his belongings and no you do not have to replace anything.
He is trying to continue his coercive control on you.
Stop all contact with this worm.

downandoutagain

moving_forward said:

Do not itemise his belongings and no you do not have to replace anything.
He is trying to continue his coercive control on you.
Stop all contact with this worm.

i have had no contact since oct last year.  one email - come collect - he refuses until i itemise.  hes been gone for over a year.  i am just soooo sad.  

i will do the SOA this pm and post it up 

downandoutagain

theoretica said:

I think you need to accept that he is a nasty greedy piece of work, and there is no action you can take that will stop him blustering and asking for more money.  He will ask, and demand, it is what he does.

   i have accepted it 

just want to move on now 

Grumpelstiltskin

  'i would start to sell his stuff, if i didnt think he would come after me for more money! saying i owed him!  he has refused to collect it unless i list it etc, and anything missing i have to financially reimburse him for! '

You don't have to reimburse him, he would have to take you to court, obtain a court order etc. etc.

I will put this in capitals.

DO NOT CONTACTT HIM, BLOCK HIM.