Bad advice for funeral plot

MobileSaver

Raspberry_Queen said:

If they had had any idea that burying urns was supposed to be done "officially" in some manner they would have done it. They were always open about their intentions with whoever they spoke to, and it's not unreasonable to think that someone ought to have said "you shouldn't really do that". 

I am sorry that this situation must have led to so much more upset after your father's death but at the same time I am completely flabbergasted that your parents thought they could just turn up with shovels and, without telling anyone, dig up the grave and bury urns in the plot...

The whole scenario is just incredulous. Who were they "open about their intentions with"? The graveyard owners? Are you saying they told the owners they would turn up with shovels and bury the urns? If that's true that would change things but it sounds so unlikely that you won't get anywhere without proof.

For clarity, if the urns had been buried "officially" then would your father also have been allowed to be buried in the same plot?

Flugelhorn

burying of urns always has to be fully recorded in the register for the burial plot - even lifting the turf and scattering the loose ashes  underneath before replacing the grass has to be recorded (though I know of people who have done this on the quiet) 

sheramber

Done officially anything put in the plot would be done in such a way to allow further burials. Usually they are buried in layers  so need to be buried at the  correct depth  so that they are not disturbed by the next burial. That is why you were told  that is there were ashes there no burial could take place

Would you expect to turn up with a body and bury it unofficially?   If not, why do it with an urn of ashes?  After all, there was room for two bodies.

Obviously the people your parents  spoke to about it were no wiser than they were.. Or maybe they assumed that your parents would be doing it officially.
 It is nobody's fault but your parents'.

If they had spoken to the owners of the ground they wished to dig up they would have got the right answer.

They were not given the wrong advice. The cemetery owners did not tell them they could come along and bury urns/ashes themselves. 


 

Murphybear

Hi OP

Sorry I cannot help with your issue but I am sending you condolences and a virtual hug.  It’s horrible to lose someone just before Christmas, my brother died in December so I can understand how you feel 

Ergates

j.p said:

When *I* die, I want *my* ashes to be flushed down the toilet.
There won't be of any use to me then, so I don't care, and I don't want other people (those who may survive me) to bother about them either.
Also before dying I'll expressly run down my estate to zero, so that nothing can be deducted from it for funeral or burial fees of any kind.
When I'm gone I want to be truly gone and that's that. Feed my remains to the vultures for all I care (but 'human vultures' - read funeral directors - will have of what is or was mine nothing!).

Other people may be "humane" and all that, and think what I'm saying is an aberration.
It is not. It is just my sincere opinion.

I'm not telling anyone that they'll should do the same. They'll do what their best judgement or cultural conditioning or abiding by the rules indicates that they should do. That's fine - but that'll be also _their_ problem. As for me, I'll have no problem.

If you run down your estate to zero with nothing left over for funeral costs then someone else will have to bear the cost of your cremation.  If your family cannot (or do not want to) afford this, it will fall to the state.

You don't need to have a funeral, but your body will need to be disposed of.

elsien

I consider funerals to be for those who are left behind.
I don't particularly care what happens to my ashes (although down the toilet does seem a step too far) but I'm pretty sure my friends and relatives would want a goodbye of some sort and, much as I hate the word, closure.
That's what the send off are for, for other people. So if they want all the bells and whistles, or the most basic thing going, either is fine by me. 

sheramber

How will you know what  day you are going to die to make sure you have spent all your money?

lincroft1710

j.p said:

When *I* die, I want *my* ashes to be flushed down the toilet.
There won't be of any use to me then, so I don't care, and I don't want other people (those who may survive me) to bother about them either.
Also before dying I'll expressly run down my estate to zero, so that nothing can be deducted from it for funeral or burial fees of any kind.
When I'm gone I want to be truly gone and that's that. Feed my remains to the vultures for all I care (but 'human vultures' - read funeral directors - will have of what is or was mine nothing!).

Other people may be "humane" and all that, and think what I'm saying is an aberration.
It is not. It is just my sincere opinion.

I'm not telling anyone that they'll should do the same. They'll do what their best judgement or cultural conditioning or abiding by the rules indicates that they should do. That's fine - but that'll be also _their_ problem. As for me, I'll have no problem.

Donate your body for medical research, then no worry about funeral costs.

p00hsticks

j.p said:

When *I* die, I want *my* ashes to be flushed down the toilet.
There won't be of any use to me then, so I don't care, and I don't want other people (those who may survive me) to bother about them either.

There's a difference between not being bothered, and not caring about the environment.

Only the three P's - pee, poo and (toilet) paper - should be going into our sewage systems. Get yourself put into landfill instead.

user1977

p00hsticks said:

j.p said:

When *I* die, I want *my* ashes to be flushed down the toilet.
There won't be of any use to me then, so I don't care, and I don't want other people (those who may survive me) to bother about them either.

There's a difference between not being bothered, and not caring about the environment.

Only the three P's - pee, poo and (toilet) paper - should be going into our sewage systems. Get yourself put into landfill instead.

Food waste, surely, with all the other discarded meat?