Bad advice for funeral plot

Raspberry_Queen

user1977 said:

Raspberry_Queen said:

However, we couldn't do this because in the 1986, my parents had buried my grandparent's ashes unofficially. They were never told that this was wrong, or given any advice at all.

Did anybody tell them they could do it? Did they ask for advice? Didn't the plot come with a bunch of regulations attached to it (which I guess might include "don't dig it up and put stuff in without telling us")?

No need for the snark. I am seeking help and acknowledged that it was a long shot. 

The cemetery would have known that my parents intended to put ashes in. It was also a double size plot for future graves. It's not common knowledge that ashes are treated as bodies once interred, and that this causes issues for future burials.

The funeral directors and cemetery told us all we need to know regarding my dad and his burial, why would it have been any different back then. 

Raspberry_Queen

Aylesbury_Duck said:

Are you asking if you can sue/claim money from the Council for the plot your father bought in 1986?  That would seem like a long shot.  You would need all the paperwork from the sale, and be able to show that your father was misled.

I noted Keep_pedalling's post.  You sound like a decent person struggling to hold together a whole load of unfortunate circumstances, many of which are your late father's doing.  I agree entirely with the advice given.  Put yourself first, it sounds like you deserve to do so.

That's what I was asking, sounds like it's not possible. 

We don't have the paperwork, it's been lost among my dad's hoard. I guess I was wondering whether it's worth trying to find it all.

user1977

Raspberry_Queen said:

user1977 said:

Raspberry_Queen said:

However, we couldn't do this because in the 1986, my parents had buried my grandparent's ashes unofficially. They were never told that this was wrong, or given any advice at all.

Did anybody tell them they could do it? Did they ask for advice? Didn't the plot come with a bunch of regulations attached to it (which I guess might include "don't dig it up and put stuff in without telling us")?

No need for the snark.

No snark, just trying to clarify given the lack of information provided. You can't claim they were given bad advice without evidence of what that advice was.

lincroft1710

As the plot has been used and more than 6 years have passed since purchase, then there would be no reason for a refund. In any case it would be further complicated as the ownership/administration of the land has changed and where the original party to the contract is deceased, only the executor(s) of the estate could apply.

Sandtree

Raspberry_Queen said:
We couldn't and wouldn't illegally put the ashes there, as soon as you bury them they officially become a body. 

I think legally they always are... certainly we were told we couldnt divide them (mother wanted him close, dad wanted to be scattered at sea) however they could leave the urn in the remembrance room in an area with no CCTV and no one ever checks what quantity of ashes are there. He'd then officially be put in their grounds which means cannot get the cert for a sea burial but an old friend of his from his shipping days obliged. Things may have changed since the 90s

Manxman_in_exile

Are people here saying that you can't dispose of deceased's ashes as you like?!?!

My wife and I have said we want our ashes scattered at a particular location.  Can't you do that?  I certainly helped scatter my mother's ashes at her favourite location at home in the Isle of Man.  Admittedly the law might be different over there, but would it have been unlawful or illegal to do that in the UK?

And what's to stop someone's ashes being scattered over an existing grave?  Who would know you'd done it? I don't understand the problem.  (Unless people are wanting to bury ashes in an urn... but why would you?).

Apologies if the above seems a bit insensitive, but I'm at a loss to understand the issue surrounding ashes.  I could understand that authorities definitely don't want you burying corpses clandestinely in existing graves - no matter who owns it - but scattering ashes?

Torry_Quine

Manxman_in_exile said:

Are people here saying that you can't dispose of deceased's ashes as you like?!?!

My wife and I have said we want our ashes scattered at a particular location.  Can't you do that?  I certainly helped scatter my mother's ashes at her favourite location at home in the Isle of Man.  Admittedly the law might be different over there, but would it have been unlawful or illegal to do that in the UK?

And what's to stop someone's ashes being scattered over an existing grave?  Who would know you'd done it? I don't understand the problem.  (Unless people are wanting to bury ashes in an urn... but why would you?).

Apologies if the above seems a bit insensitive, but I'm at a loss to understand the issue surrounding ashes.  I could understand that authorities definitely don't want you burying corpses clandestinely in existing graves - no matter who owns it - but scattering ashes?

My MIL's ashes were scattered on her parents grave. it never occurred to us we needed permission. I scattered my husband's ashes on a local hill top again without checking with anyone.

In Scotland you and your inheritors own the lair (burial plot) in perpetuity.
 

Ergates

Raspberry_Queen said:

Ergates said:

Just to be clear:

You're asking if you could reclaim the cost for purchasing the plot back in 1986?   The plot that your parents buried your grandparents ashes in?

Clearly not.  Your parents bought a funeral plot, then used it - your grandparents remains are in it.

Needlessly rude. If you have nothing nice to say then don't say it. This is supposed to be a friendly forum for advice. 

Nothing I said was even remotely rude.   Your question, however, is deeply offensive - you were asking about reclaiming money for the plot *where your grandparents are buried*.

porkisnotmeat

Raspberry_Queen said:

Ergates said:

Just to be clear:

You're asking if you could reclaim the cost for purchasing the plot back in 1986?   The plot that your parents buried your grandparents ashes in?

Clearly not.  Your parents bought a funeral plot, then used it - your grandparents remains are in it.

Needlessly rude. If you have nothing nice to say then don't say it. This is supposed to be a friendly forum for advice. 

Just because you don't like the response (usually because it isn't what people want to hear) doesn't mean it isn't "nice."  It's neither "nice" or "nasty" because it just is what it is.

The biggest downfall of this forum is the idea that everyone has to be "nice", which appears to be interpreted as "tell me what I want to hear or else you're being mean."

The world doesn't work like that and although you can probably get the mods to delete posts and ban people if that's what you want, it doesn't make them wrong, or "not nice."

Manxman_in_exile

Ergates said:

Raspberry_Queen said:

Ergates said:

Just to be clear:

You're asking if you could reclaim the cost for purchasing the plot back in 1986?   The plot that your parents buried your grandparents ashes in?

Clearly not.  Your parents bought a funeral plot, then used it - your grandparents remains are in it.

Needlessly rude. If you have nothing nice to say then don't say it. This is supposed to be a friendly forum for advice. 

Nothing I said was even remotely rude.   Your question, however, is deeply offensive - you were asking about reclaiming money for the plot *where your grandparents are buried*.

That's what I thought but didn't want to say...