Cheaps Dfw Diary Or Dairy!

CHEAP_AS_CHIPS_4

have managed to make sure there is enough in the bank to cover all direct debits.

need £380, to make catologue payments, paid one today at £31 so that leaves £350 to go!!!!

did well on ebay over the weekend so should manage to pay another £100 off another one at the beginning of next week (typically the highest value £100, that i sold on saturday they have emailed today that they can not pay until friday. really need it now as it takes so long to transfer from paypal to account, so it's going to be about 2 weeks before that clears in account.

managed at £50 shop on friday for all 5 of us for a week, to think this used to be £110 per week and then 3 takeaways on top!!!!:eek:

CHEAP_AS_CHIPS_4

well, we are getting there just.

this has been out lowest month moneywise, hubbys wage was much lower than expected, and the chikd benefit has to pay off the o/d from old account. and yet for the 1st time ever!!! all the direct debits are covered and nothing will bounce!!

we have managed this by being so so so carefull, ebaying like mad, selling old phones and mortgage exit fees.

it has ment we have not been able to pay any extra of anything, but it looked like we wouldn't even make the min payments.

expected £170 in paypal this week from ebay so that going towards the cat payments which still leaves £150 to find to pay them all, so iam trying to list anything i can on ebay.

CHEAP_AS_CHIPS_4

just done the weekly shop £45!! woo hoo.

thats me in the kitchen all weekend!!

got 2 lovely chqs in the post today

£75 mortgage exit fees refund

£25 mint credit card fees refund

much needed, have done okay this week but it's starting to run out so those 2 chqs are just in time

this has been our worst month for money comming in, yet for the 1time nothing has bounced and i know exactly what is in the bank, what has come out and hasn't, i have never felt more in control (it's a great feeling!)

CHEAP_AS_CHIPS_4

wow, i didn't realise how long it's been since i've posted!!!

i have been on everyday reading, but some how the longer i didn't post the harder it's been.

its been a real struggle the last 6 weeks, our situation feels worse than ever!, when i am thinking rationaly i can see it's not because instead of our credit cards going up every month they are sometimes staying the same or comming down.

hubbys last 2 wages have £1k down on what the usually are, which has ment we are sometimes terrified about how we are going to feed the kids!.

i have never worked as hard as ihave in the last 7 months trying to sort out our finances, i know where every last penny is, i now the exact totals of everything we owe., i meal plan and dont buy anything i do not need , our shopping has gone down from £100 per week for the 5 of us to £45.

i have been sliceing the pie like a loony
i have sold loads on ebay
done loads of surveys

and thankfully that has helped.

i just sometimes feel so down and i am scared of going back to my old way, when i say old ways, i suffered with some form of depression ( although i dont really think i do).
it started after the birth of my 2nd dd, as i found out i was pregnant my beloved grandma was diagnoised with cancer and given 6 months to live, we are a small family and very very close, i spent lots and lots of time with my grandma and could and did tell her everything.
then 1 month before i gave birth my mam was rushed into hospital and had an operation that we did not know if she would survive, thank god she did but spent 10 day in intesive care.
then 1 week before i gave birth, i lost my grandma and the world fell in, the worst thing was i had to tell my mam and i will never forget that.

anyway when the health visitor reviewed my metal state, she said she would be worried but it was down to all that had happened. so it was left at that, and thats when i got worse, i started to feel that things in me were not right, i started to have symtoms of different things and i was sure i was going to die soon of some horrible illness, i kept this to myself as musch as i could and put on a face but i was screaming inside.
to cut it short, this got really bad and my hubby marched me off to the docs and he sent me for every test (as i said if it showed there was nothing wrong i would be fine, they did and i was not) i was prescribed pills but the didn't work, all i wanted was not to think, i then started to imagine horrid things, i really can not even write them down. i went back to my G.P 4 times to ask to see someone like a theripist or something and he said ther was no-one, the last had left and not been replaced, he tld me i was strong and could deal with it. and i have, sort of, i can play with the kids, cook, clean, work and chat to people and at the same time have all these horrile thoughts and feelings, i have beacome quite good at this as my 2nd DD is 4 now.

i think beacuse of the stress of holding it all together, these thoughts and fears come to the front and i can not hide them as well.

i am really sorry if anyone has read this, i just needed to vocalise it a bit.
i feel like such a failure, why can't i just get on with it, beacuse i know i am so lucky, i have 3 beautifull healthy happy children , a great hubby and a roof over me head.

mrsmortenharket

aww chips, you are doing so well.

I have suffered badly from depression.

I also spent cos of it.

If you want to chat or anything, then PM me.

I also have a great husband, house, 2 fab kids & yet somedays I just wanted to curl up & die.

I am ok now but scared those days will return.

Love Losa x

CHEAP_AS_CHIPS_4

hi losa,

thanks so much for your kind words,

i know this is a friendly place really, but sometimes it seems very lonely,
thank you for taking the time to read.
i know i use this diary to record everything, but its so nice to see another name on there.
do you find that when you are low, the despression creeps back

thanks so much x

CHEAP_AS_CHIPS_4

made an appointment for the stop smoking clinic today, 7 th may, i was hoping to do it straight away, but with how i've been feeling that gives me time to pull myself together.

CHEAP_AS_CHIPS_4

i really feel like i'm struggling to see the wood for trees today, feel like i'm sinking.

Got2change

I am sending you a virtual ((((hug)))).
You are doing really well - in every respect. Well done.
Just want to tell you the IT IS possible to stop smoking; I know. And if I can do it, anyone can.
It may sound odd but you are very lucky to (have) had such loving relationships and it only proves that you are 100% human that the life events you have experienced have left you prone to depression and everything that means. You are showing incredible strength and should congratulate yourself for every small achievement.
x

CHEAP_AS_CHIPS_4

thank you so much,

your kind words are inspiring, i just need to stop feeling sorry for myself, as i have no reason.

well done on quitting, i have tried and failed so am hoping the clinic will work for me

x