Aim: Mortgage Free / Time For Me

VintageHistorian

On the dentist issue, I'm not great with them either and I find that it helps to ask the receptionist if they have someone trained or experienced in working with nervous patients. Nowadays a lot of dentists are aware of the poor history of the practice in this country and some do work to keep patients calm during treatment. I've come a long way since finding a series of very supportive dentists so hopefully you'll be able to find a good replacement

And congratulations on the health eating! A slow sustained loss will be better for you in the long run so don't worry if you find the rate eases off in a few weeks.

postmenopause

Today’s motivational quote:

“The past is gone and today is full of possibilities”

@Kantanrus_Mare i am the same age as you and you are so right about the ups and downs of menopause.  I havent tried yoga….maybe i should look into it. I write my diary as i do things in the day and then copy and paste it over here and i have just read your post…..have a look down below and i described my allotment as exactly as you did in your post ie ‘my happy place’…..allotments are so good for us aren't they.  By the way i LOVE your name 🤣🤣🤣

Also thank you for your kind words @VintageHistorian, i am definitely going to tell the dentist how nervous i am.

Today’s Mortgage / Household savings:

1. Today i sowed my broad bean seeds into old toilet roll inners and some peppers and tomatoes in to old margarine tubs with holes in the bottom. The broad bean seeds are a variety ‘Aquadulce’ and could have been sown direct into the ground in autumn, but i find i get a much better germination rate if i sow this way.  I have also sown some leek seeds too.   Ive placed the broad beans and leeks in our bedroom for now (our coldest room) and the minute i see any germination i will put them in my cold greenhouse as i find this way the seeds don't rot in the cold and wet soil before they germinate.  The other seeds are balancing on our double radiator in a propagator to give them some bottom heat which will help them to germinate. I have also sown some coriander which i will leave on my windowsill as we love coriander leaves in salads .
2. Today we had spag bog for dinner.  I made a massive pot of spag bog a couple of weeks ago using a large portion of mince beef, three onions and my homemade passata and garlic.  I then padded it out with some home grown vegetables from my freezer (courgettes, butternut squash, broadbeans, runner beans etc). Lol to this day my family dont know i put runnerbeans and broad beans in my spag bog, as i cook them first, then puree them, before adding them to my pot 🤣🤣🤣….they always say they don’t like them if anyone asks.  I froze about five portions from my pot and it makes a really easy dinner.

Wellbeing:

So  i have started to think about my allotment for the year by sowing the above seeds.  I enjoyed gardening right from when i had my first house in 1989, but I had my first allotment in 2005 when i grew veg for the first time to help save money.  I loved growing fruit and veg so much that i went on to study horticulture at college and got an RHS qualification, but i must say i learnt the most from the old gentleman who had a plot next to my first plot.  

I have two and a half plots now and i work on them most mornings.  At one stage a few years ago i had four plots, but im on a different site now as i had to give my original plots up when things got really bad (my daughter was poorly and off school for a while and my parents had me running after them left, right and centre).  A year later in 2016 I took a new plot on as my lovely husband had put me on a waiting list at a new site saying he knew i was missing it so much and it was good for me….my dh could see i  was going downhill mentally and insisted i made time to go. 

When the sun is shinning and the birds are singing, there is no better place i would rather be.  It is what i call ‘my happy place’….. in march last year when i was at rock bottom (just before i started my counselling), i can honestly say it was the only thing that kept me going - as weeds wont wait, so i had to push myself to go……i dread to think where i would be now without it.

Anyway, thats it for today.  Lets see what tomorrow brings.

XXXX

postmenopause

Today’s quote:

“She remembered who she was and the game changed”

I found this quote today and it reminded me that i am starting to see little glimmers of my old self before my depression set in……i must push myself to carry on and not give up.  I have a long way to go but i have made a good start.

Mortgage/ household savings:

1. Tonights dinner is tomato pasta and salad as my eldest dd is eating vegan for January and she is coming to join us.  I have quite a few jars of pasta sauce that i brought for my youngest dd to take to university and unfortunately she didn’t take them because annoyingly she ‘went off them’……though i must say they aren’t very nice.  I don’t want to waste any of them so i have found if i mix half of a jar with half of my homemade pasta sauce, it tastes must better….so thats what we are having tonight.  
2. Today i made some more washing up liquid from the soap nuts i have.  It is really easy to make and it washes up well (though you don’t get bubbles like the shop brought liquid and it does look a horrible brown colour lol but its very cheap to make).  I will leave it to steep overnight and then strain it into a bottle ready to use ( the soap nuts that i strain off will go into my compost) .
3. I keep checking our new bank account and our direct debits seem to be going through as they should.  I keep thinking something will go wrong as it was all too easy, fingers crossed it doesn’t. 
4. I couldn’t do anything at my allotment today as the frost was too heavy, so i went in search of some geranium seeds (F2’s) as i couldn’t find any at wilko’s or my local nursery and i didn’t want to pay delivery online.  I found some at Dobbies garden centre and i also found all their seeds were 50% off the marked price 😀….. so i brought the seeds i know i needed from the top of my head.
5. The sun has been shinning today so i put my washing outside and it is blowing in the wind.  I know it will be cold and not quite dry when i bring it in but i will finish off by hanging up to air.
6. This afternoon I sowed the geranium and aubergine seeds that i brought from Dobbies.  Both these will also sit in a propagator on our double radiator until they germinate.  All the seeds i have sown today and yesterday need a long time to grow so they will be kept indoors for quite some time.

Wellbeing:

1. I am still brisk walking for 30 minutes a day ( except Sundays as i like a day off), and i am still healthy eating and having smaller portions, so I’m very proud of myself.
2. As you can see i am writing my diary every day, which really is helping my mental health.
3. Im trying very hard to push away any negative thoughts and when one pops into my head i get my ‘inner parent’ to give me a good talking to 🤣🤣🤣

Anyway that’s it for now…..things are going good.

XXX

n15h

Hi @postmenopause

Just wanted to say this diary is really impressive! Keep up the progress on your mortgage / household savings and wellbeing and I'm sure you will in no time reach your goals. I feel that your journey / posts on here could become a positive blog / vlog (and no doubt others will also relate to) - and could even bring in a side income from some platforms such as Youtube.

One thing that helped me to save was using apps like Chip or Plum which link to your bank account and look at how much can be put aside into a savings pot. The app then automatically transfers from the bank account (as a direct debit) and put it in an easy access savings account. I found the app took away the hassle of looking at my account and working out how much to spend/save, and I've saved £10K in the last 2 years.

It may not be much over 2 years, but it means this saving was done without lifting a finger, and I can now use it to overpay the mortgage or carry out some work on the house like updating my garden (although I may wait until the weather gets a bit more warmer )

All the best on this journey and I look forward to seeing more of your posts/progress! 

postmenopause

n15h said:

Hi @postmenopause

Just wanted to say this diary is really impressive! Keep up the progress on your mortgage / household savings and wellbeing and I'm sure you will in no time reach your goals. I feel that your journey / posts on here could become a positive blog / vlog (and no doubt others will also relate to) - and could even bring in a side income from some platforms such as Youtube.

Wow @n15h your comment has blown me away.  I never thought anyone would actually read my diary, let alone actually like it 🤣🤣🤣.  Thank you for your kind words.

(By the way, your savings really are impressive)

XXX

n15h

postmenopause said:

Wow @n15h your comment has blown me away.  I never thought anyone would actually read my diary, let alone actually like it 🤣🤣🤣.  Thank you for your kind words.

(By the way, your savings really are impressive)

XXX

You're welcome! Always great to see how others are self-improving whether than be mentally, physically, financially, etc. so that they are a better version today than yesterday (even if that improvement is only 1%, over 30 days, that becomes 30% better!)

Plus those photos of pumpkin, cakes, pasta with hummus and salad all look incredible - it's already making me hungry 

Tahlullah.H

Loving your diary postmenopause.  Hope you don't mind if I tag along, I am really relating to what you are doing and going through, although I don't do gardening or walking!!  I will be here cheering you along.

I am forever shocked at the number of people who had traumatic childhoods due to family.  I never understood why I related to the Cinderella story until I grew up.  Anyway, your inspirational quotes are great.  Really enjoying them and reading about your progress.

Thank you for sharing!  

Tx

postmenopause

Thank you @Tahlullah.H I would love you to tag along ❤️❤️❤️….i cant quite believe anyone would be interested in my ramblings lol

postmenopause

Today’s quote:

“Think big thoughts but relish simple pleasures”

Today it has been raining most of the day, i had forgotten how much i love rainy Saturday afternoons.  My dh, dd2 and her boyfriend are sitting in our front room watching football and i have been catching up with a few jobs around the house…..i’ve pushed away any nasty thoughts and everything is fine in my world today.  It’s all very simple,but i love the calm of it all.

Mortgage/ household savings:

1. I didn’t go to my allotment due to the rain today so i sowed some peas in an old margarine tub which i will keep on my kitchen windowsill.  When they have grown i will use the small pea-shoots in salads.  I have also sown some mustard and cress too.  I find anything that can be added at this time of year to bulk out a salad is good and they will help disguise the tasteless supermarket lettuces lol.
2. I have also made a salad for tea tonight but i have added some winter salad leaves from my cold greenhouse that i grow in pots ( see the photo below).  I sowed three of these pots in autumn and i have had a quite a few cuttings from each, though one of the pots is now starting to go over a bit.

3. This morning i made a batch of homemade pizza sauce.  I will use one portion tonight and i will freeze the other four.  I will make the pizza dough in my bread maker and add the pizza sauce and grated mozzarella cheese together with a sprinkling of oregano and basil and then cook it for just 14 minutes.  This makes a cheap tea together with a jacket potato.  My homemade pizza is much healthier than a take away pizza but still feels like a treat to me ( but only one small slice of pizza for me though).

Wellbeing:

1. Things are going well.  My dd2 and her partner came round for tea last night and they are coming tonight for pizza.  I really enjoy last night as we played board games and laughed together…..i realised its been a long time since Ive actually looked forward to anything and tonight we are together again.  Before i had my counselling in March last year, i cried every day….. since my counselling i did stop the crying but i still felt so sad.  Finally i can see small glimmers of hope that things are starting to get better, I’m just praying this carries on for me.
2. I am finding the batch baking this week very therapeutic.  It is such a long time since i have done any batch baking, for the last couple of years i have had to push myself to cook anything let alone plan ahead.
3. My diet is going well, I’m resisting the sweets and chocolates left over from Christmas but tonight i will have a glass of wine as a treat with my pizza.
4. I am also continuing to have a daily 30 minute brisk walk.  I take the dog with me and when she stops for a ‘sniff’ i carry on by marching on the spot…..i must look so daft 🤣🤣🤣

Anyway that’s it for today.  I’m off to do todays 30 minutes of brisk walking as the rain seems to have finally stopped.

XXX

postmenopause

Today’s quote:

“My past is an armour i cannot take off, no matter how many times you tell me the war is over”

This quote sums up what childhood trauma does to you.  I know i will always have flashbacks, a lack of confidence, never trust fully, always be on alert etc etc, but i am 55 years old and i have decided i deserve at least some happiness in my life.  This is a new start for me as now i finally have ‘no contact’ with toxic family members  i can start my road to recovery and find the ‘me’ i have never been allowed to know.  I know it’s going to be a long hard road to ‘dull’ the effects of trauma (as realistically i know it will always be with me in one form or another) but difficult roads can lead to beautiful destinations, so i owe it to myself to try.

Today’s Mortgage / household saving:

1. We are due a Tesco delivery this morning….we are just under budget so far.  My dh gets paid on the 20th each month so this has been a tough month on our food budget due to Christmas.  I don’t think we will have any money leftover from the food budget this month 😢 but at least it looks like we wont go over budget 👏👏👏.
2. Tonight my dh is making a greek ‘egg, lemon, chicken and rice’ soup with chicken thighs from the freezer.  My family love this soup but I’m not a fan so I’m having a weight watchers lasagne that i found in my freezer (not sure where this came from as it’s not the sort of thing i buy, i wonder if my dd1 gave it to me?….but hey ho it feels like a free meal lol).

Well being:

1. I have decided to give myself a day off brisk walking on Sundays to give myself a rest and a day to look forward too.
2. I have been thinking….. there are a few things i would like to start to do to help me relax.  I would like to read books again, start knitting again (if i can remember how lol) and maybe do a jigsaw occasionally.  When i will fit this all in on top of my allotment, i don’t know lol.
3. My diet is doing well.  I had my ‘Saturday treat’ last night (a slice of homemade pizza and a glass of wine) and it was lovely.  I think it’s good to have a treat each week to look forward to.

Well that’s it for today.  It’s going to be a quiet Sunday……just the way i like it.

XXXX