Aim: Mortgage Free / Time For Me

This is my first diary, I know it's anonymous, but it still scares me baring all.  I'll start by saying "i'm a survivor", I say this because I am still here. 
I am married with two grown up girls that have recently flown the nest, one at university doing a masters....(oh my goodness this costs us so much money to finance her) and the other daughter who moved into her first house during covid last year with her partner.....I miss them so much even though I see them regularly.

To cut a long story short, I had counselling for a few months earlier this year due to the physical and emotional abuse when I was growing up.  The counsellor helped me to understand that my father is a narcissist and my mother (unintentionally) emotionally abused me when I was younger.  I decided it was time to look after me with the help of my counsellor and I went 'no contact' with my father (which was so hard to do as the guilt I feel is terrible, god knows why I feel this way) and unfortunately my sisters have all rallied round him and have cut all ties with me which really hurts, but I am a survivor and I will somehow get over this.

So my diary here is for two reasons.  The first is me and my DH want to pay our two mortgages off a few years early so he can retire earlier (I don't work but I do grow nearly all of our fruit and veg on my allotment).  We are good at cutting back/saving every penny as we have lived 'under the breadline' for quite sometime when our girls were little, but a dairy will help me focus.  And the second reason is to give me time for me to recover, as I have spent my whole adult life running after people looking after them ie my parents who have been very needy my whole life and my daughters who are now grown up.

So my diary begins here and now, so this time next year I can look back and see how far I have come.  So here here I go....

1) We have two mortgages left, the first is for the house and stands at £41,873.41 and the second is for our kitchen/diner and we have £14805.57 left to pay.  We have decided to clear our kitchen mortgage first as it's the smallest -we have already over paid what we can this year to our mortgage provider so we are saving as hard as we can in our savings account to clear this amount when our fixed rate finishes in December 2022 (so we have no penalty) and then after this we can start to do the same with our house mortgage.  Every extra penny we save can be put to this.

2) I feel old, worn out, very overweight, frumpy and sad most the time and this has got to change.  I have had constant indigestion over the last two weeks comfort eating to cheer myself up.....I need to change this.  Today I have weighed myself and I am 13 stone 12 pounds....ridiculous!....this has to change, so it's healthy eating, money saving recipes for me from now on.

So here I go, I'll try and check in daily.  If anyone reads this dairy and spurs me on then it will be great, but if nobody does then this is also fine as this is a diary to spur me on to a better, quieter life XXX


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Comments

  • beanielou
    beanielou Posts: 89,263
    Academoney Grad I'm a Volunteer Ambassador Mortgage-free Glee! Name Dropper
    Ambassador
    Hello @postmenopause.
    Happy shiny new diary.
    I am also frumpy overweight & very nearly 60. Sigh.
    Wishing you well on your journey.
    I am a Forum Ambassador and I support the Forum Team on Mortgage Free Wannabe & Local Money Saving Scotland & Disability Money Matters. If you need any help on those boards, do let me know.Please note that Ambassadors are not moderators. Any post you spot in breach of the Forum Rules should be reported via the report button , or by emailing [email protected]. All views are my own & not the official line of Money Saving Expert.

    Lou~ Debt free Wanabe No 55 DF 03/14.**Credit card debt free 30/06/10~** MFW. Finally mortgage free O2/ 2021****
    "A large income is the best recipe for happiness I ever heard of" Jane Austen in Mansfield Park.

    ***Fall down seven times,stand up eight*** ~~Japanese proverb.
    ***Keep plodding*** Out of debt, out of danger. ***Be the difference.***
    One debt remaining. Home improvement loan.
  • smetf
    smetf Posts: 259
    Name Dropper First Post Photogenic First Anniversary
    Forumite
    Welcome @postmenopause
    Sounds like a good plan to prioritise yourself, you deserve it.
    Good luck with the mortgage clearing.
    Emergency fund 10k Holiday/ home fund 7k
  • Welcome @postmenopause I can totally relate, sounds like you were describing me. Diagnosed with PTSD this year due to abuse as a child and up to my 40s from my father and emotional abuse from my mother.  Restraining order in place 😬These forums really help me as give me a structure to things I can control so hopefully will be supportive for you. 

    Sounds like you have made a good start and will be following your progress. 

    Anything you can do that will help you feel better? Walking? Couch to 5k? 
    Nurse striving for financial freedom
  • smetf
    smetf Posts: 259
    Name Dropper First Post Photogenic First Anniversary
    Forumite
    A great start. I'm a big fan of getting out walking (and running) makes such a difference to my mental health getting outside. I aim to do 10000 steps a day, just building it back up after Covid. Was very money saving and walked into town for errands today but was shattered afterwards! 
    Emergency fund 10k Holiday/ home fund 7k
  • beanielou
    beanielou Posts: 89,263
    Academoney Grad I'm a Volunteer Ambassador Mortgage-free Glee! Name Dropper
    Ambassador
    Well done on day 3  :grin:
    I am a Forum Ambassador and I support the Forum Team on Mortgage Free Wannabe & Local Money Saving Scotland & Disability Money Matters. If you need any help on those boards, do let me know.Please note that Ambassadors are not moderators. Any post you spot in breach of the Forum Rules should be reported via the report button , or by emailing [email protected]. All views are my own & not the official line of Money Saving Expert.

    Lou~ Debt free Wanabe No 55 DF 03/14.**Credit card debt free 30/06/10~** MFW. Finally mortgage free O2/ 2021****
    "A large income is the best recipe for happiness I ever heard of" Jane Austen in Mansfield Park.

    ***Fall down seven times,stand up eight*** ~~Japanese proverb.
    ***Keep plodding*** Out of debt, out of danger. ***Be the difference.***
    One debt remaining. Home improvement loan.
  • That is a whopper of a pumpkin!

    Also welcome to the board! XD
    "You won't bloom until you're planted" - Graffiti spotted in Newcastle.

    Always try to be nice, but never fail to be kind - Doctor Who

    Total overpayments in 2021 - £901.28!
  • ”Although no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a new ending”.

    Happy New Year to anyone out there that comes across my new diary.  I am determined that my life will be better in 2022.

    Mortgage / household savings today: 

    1. Today I sorted all the gifts i brought from Boots on the 23/12 when their on-line sale went live.  They are either birthday presents, gifts or stocking fillers for my family.  For the last fifteen years or so we have always saved a little bit every month towards christmas and birthdays, so I have the money ready to buy things when they are in the sales…..and the Boots sale in late December/January is usually 50% off (though technically it isnt 50% as I could have purchased the things on 3 for 2 before xmas….but its still a good saving i have made).  I now have my list updated and i know exactly who i still need to buy forand what my budget for each gift is.  
    2. On Monday we have my daughters boyfriends parents coming over…they are lovely but i wanted to make something special to eat.  So today I have started to make a chocolate fudge cake, which i have made many times before……except I was tired and i dont think i greased my pan properly and one of the cake sandwiches fell in half as i turned it out😱😱😱.  It’s cooling at the moment so i’ll have a look later and see if i can salvage it, im sure ill be able to.  I’m also going to make a lemon cheese cake too, hopefully they will like one or the other.
    Wellbeing:

    1. Today started bad because I forgot to do my breakfast oats and fruit the night before and i came down starving….but i defrosted the fruit in the microwave and didn’t ruinmy diet.  Next, the chicken i was going to cook for me and my DH wasnt fully defrosted when i went to cook it so we couldnt have it, we will have it tomorrow instead now…..i must say it would have been really easy to ruin my healthy eating diet today as i was beginning to feel fed up and hungry and the xmas chocolates were staring at me….i swear it was this diary that kept me going.  So I did a tin of chilli from my pantry with some peas and carrots and a ‘mash potato’ squash that i grew 2021for the first time (they are basically a squash that you cut in half, roast with a spray of olive oil and when cooked you scoop it out and it tastes nearly like mash potato.  I will definitely be growing more of these next year as they are lovely and low in calories (though im not counting calories).  
    2. We took the Christmas decorations down today, this always makes me sad.  I feel a bit cheated this year as my eldest daughter had to go home early on boxing day, instead of staying all day due to covid.  
    3. Also , Last night was really weird seeing the New Year in without my DD’s.  No one ever warns you when your children are young how much you miss them when they grow up and go their own ways...but onwards and upwards, I've just got to get used to it now and look forward to making new memories with my DH….. a new normal.
    Anyway, thats it for today
    XXX


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