2022 DECLUTTERING CAMPAIGN MrsSD

balabooberlies

Floss said:

Bala, after my dad died in 1991 I didn't really have time to grieve - I had 2 boys under 5 and their dad was about to start uni as a mature student. My mum died in 2005 and I then grieved for both my parents. 

What I'm trying to say is that you may find you shelve the grieving for your dad, because you still have one parent who is very present in your life. I can't give any more advice except to look after yourself, and take each day / week / month at a time. There is no guidebook and everyone is different.

Xx

Thank you Floss

it's exactly how I feel.  As if I have shelved the grief.

I keep watching family members, am worried for all of them especially my LD brother.  We were/are so used to my Dad going to Cyprus that abscences feel normal.  Just this time he's not coming back.

I have to pull myself together.

bala

x

Guineapigsqueaks

Evening all.
I have this week off work but not sure I am achieving much .

I did, however, eat a big frog today, added DD to insurance policy for my little car, she passed test in November, so that frog has been on the list for a while! I hate making phone calls but bit the bullet and did it. Just got to check through new docs when I get a minute.

And a pressie and card gone from supplies.

Day of shopping with DD planned tomorrow, we are hoping wind will die down and rain will hold off, it has not been a good week for weather! We have a list of bits we need, plus a browse of charity shops. We will be restrained . Some stuff is leaving though, I will take stash of empty perfume bottles, deflated foil balloons and old pens to various shops for recycling.

Right, going to get dishwasher on and have a quick tidy/get ready for bed.  Setting timer for 30 mins, I will move faster!
Guineapigsqueaks x

OrganisedMe

@balabooberlies , thank you so much for your positive and welcoming message. I was really touched, even more so now realising what a difficult time you are going through and you took the time to extend a welcoming hand. I really appreciate it. All my best wishes to you; please be kind and gentle with yourself.

@TripleH , thank you for your good ideas. I realised reading your message that it is not necessarily massive amounts of things that are the problem now (although I definitely am still finding items I forgot I had!), but more so large amounts of decisions not taken. That was an important thing for me to understand and I thank you for bringing it to light!  

@bit_by_bit , thank you also for your very supportive message! You are so right about the frogs. Thanks to all of your encouragements, two massive frogs (not actually massive but ‘hanging over me every day’ kind of frogs) were eaten this afternoon. One of which will hopefully bring some funds owed, and the other of which is likely to have a plumber arriving any time in the next few days so all the more incentive to keep sorting my flat out!  A huge amount of paper has gone in to recycling/shredding/filing today, and several other smaller items have gone. I feel lighter and inspired to continue. What a supportive group you are 😊

Thanks all and keep up the good work!  

short_bird

589: 50 emails deleted
590-610: items to bin or recycling including undies and socks past their best.

A bit discombobulated due to starting training at new job after an atrocious night's sleep!

Liverpool_Anne

Hi all, not much done here as I have been distracted socialising. I went out for a meal with a friend, her son who is off to sea next week and his girlfriend. He's not sure where his ship is going but the cargo appears to include weapons of some kind as they will have some armed forces aboard as well! I, of course, think this is quite scary but the optimism of youth makes him think it's quite good as he enjoys the extra company on board! I was quite ill last night after the meal so something didn't agree with me but after a reasonable sleep I felt ok this morning which was just as well as I had arranged to meet 2 other friends for coffee this afternoon. I managed a piece of Guinness cake , must be good for you, but only had toast for tea as I wasn't too clever by the time I got home. Too much coffee I think, should have had peppermint tea. Very good company though so definitely worth it . Crawling into bed now.
@balabooberlies, I definitely shelved my grief for my Dad as I was too busy taking care of my Mum so I know how you feel. I don't think the pain ever really goes away, you just learn to cope with it. I also think grief gives you every emotion just not necessarily in any logical order so you can be angry one moment, distraught the next and then lost in a very happy memory the next. There is no "right" way to grieve so don't worry about what other people think, just make sure you take some time to look after yourself. I didn't really do that until after my Mum died and it was very hard to cope. I ended up having to take some time of work to get myself back on an even keel. My doctor was brilliant though so think about who might be able to help you and seek them out. I have a couple of pairs of my Dad's thermal socks and a couple of his scarves as well as 1 of my Mum's hand knitted cardigans and her favourite blouse. They still give me comfort even though they have been gone over 30 and 25years. Special people never leave your heart. Big hugs
Take care everyone

balabooberlies

Hello

up at 'silly hour' again so I thought apart from thanking you all, not just for immense kindness, but for sharing something so personal, that I would post 'decluttering' info.

When I was helping my Mum I felt in charge, not of her, but of myself.  I introduced the 'like for like' and applied it every day.  I woke with a plan and for the most part (at least 80 %) saw it through.  I also applied to the best of my ability the principle of be a today/now person not a 'tomorrow' one.  It worked.

If I was awake at this kind of hour I took the time to reflect, rest, plan, and then would galvanize myself to wash up, put away, general tidy if necessary.  And then the best job of all....dash outside to bring in wood/coal.  Clean out grate and then make the fire.  It paid off in so many ways.  The glow of pleasure on my mum's and brother's faces when they came into a toasty room was joy making for me.

One morning at around 6am my niece phoned to ask if she could come over and stay as she wasn't feeling well and wasn't going to school.  I banked the fire really high and then sat outside waiting for her with my cup of tea keeping track of her by phone.  I can't describe the look on her face when she saw me.  I can't even describe her happiness when she saw the fire.  I tucked her under a blanket and over the course of an hour made her 3 cups of tea.  Every time I delivered one she would thank me and then promptly fall asleep.  She stayed awake at one point to tell me that she loved me.  That moment is firmly etched on my heart.

Back to my point.  I couldn't wait to come to this thread to report the skills I have obtained by being part of it.  'Like for Like' is changing my life.  I am even picking things up and putting away without thinking about it.  So much of what is shared on here prompted and supported me that week.

I experimented with 'Cash for Clothes' and am afraid it isn't for me.  Just having completed that task/experiment made me feel lighter.  I now have made a decision.  With my awful lack of focus this is MOMENTOUS for me.  Good, clean clothes that would fetch pennies if sold anywhere will go to charity.  Really good stuff to be sold online, now that I kind of know how to do it.  That was a huge 15 year old frog that I tackled at the beginning of this year.  Selling online.  Pleased to report that I have sold 4 things.

Having somewhere to share is worth it's weight in gold.  For me.  Coming here and receiving ideas, support, encouragement has measure beyond words.  Likewise being able to give something of myself however small makes me feel part of something.  Something wonderful.

Thank you

bala

x

balabooberlies

Liverpool Anne

thank you

x

wort

@balabooberlies I wonder if you would consider grief counseling, my drs do it and he suggested for me, when my husband died suddenly . That is a safe space to talk about what happened and I found I cried so much there, where at home although my family were there I think subconsciously I didn’t want to add to their grief. I still don’t feel I cried “enough” . There are always going to be days you feel upset but as others say you adapt to a new way of living, it’s never the same just a new normal.
Sending my love to you .😘

balabooberlies

wort said:

@balabooberlies I wonder if you would consider grief counseling, my drs do it and he suggested for me, when my husband died suddenly . That is a safe space to talk about what happened and I found I cried so much there, where at home although my family were there I think subconsciously I didn’t want to add to their grief. I still don’t feel I cried “enough” . There are always going to be days you feel upset but as others say you adapt to a new way of living, it’s never the same just a new normal.
Sending my love to you .😘

Thank you so much Wort

it's exactly how I feel.  When I have broken down I have wanted to call a family member but don't want to cause them unhappiness.  I think we are all doing the same thing.

x

Floss

Bala, I think Wort's suggestion is an excellent one - I had counselling after my first marriage broke up & it definitelyhelped to put my feelings in their rightful place in my mind. My ex didn't hence his continued bitterness 20+ years on 🙄

In other news, I have made £450+ on Ebay since early December, I have 35 items active now with several bids and am using the cash to chip away at my credit card bill. My garden has had part of its refresh done with 2 big tip trips done and the sprouting bulbs I finally planted in January are beginning to show their faces.