2022 DECLUTTERING CAMPAIGN MrsSD

weenancyinAmerica

bala - my main cardigan belonged to my Dad. He wore it over thirty years and I have worn it the last 16 years. It is bright red and I feel that he is with me when I wear it. Sometimes when I get frustrated, I put it on just because. 

balabooberlies

Wee Nancy

am going to have another look at mum's for something that I can absolutely feel brings my dad to me.

There have been many days when I have wondered what is wrong with me.  No signs of grief.  Surely this cannot be the measure of my love for him.  And then there is today when it all keeps hitting me.  I have to imagine that this is normal.

bala

x

florianatwobob

@balabooberlies be gentle with yourself. There is nothing wrong with you. Grief can affect you differently each day and sometimes each hour. Grief also manifests in different ways for different people and at different times. 

My dad had dementia and a lot of grieving was done before he died. Although I shed tears after he died I certainly wasn’t wailing or gnashing my teeth as many people expect those grieving to do. It certainly wasn’t a reflection of the love I had for him (or as some people may have assumed a lack of love for him). 

What I did feel though was relief for both him and the rest of our family. Unfortunately that sort of sentiment is not easily expressed unless speaking with someone who has experienced the slow decline of someone they love. 

Floss

Bala, after my dad died in 1991 I didn't really have time to grieve - I had 2 boys under 5 and their dad was about to start uni as a mature student. My mum died in 2005 and I then grieved for both my parents. 

What I'm trying to say is that you may find you shelve the grieving for your dad, because you still have one parent who is very present in your life. I can't give any more advice except to look after yourself, and take each day / week / month at a time. There is no guidebook and everyone is different.

Xx

balabooberlies

Thank you Floriana

I felt that sense of relief for the love of my life, Murphy my dog.  Just for a minute or 2, because he was out of pain.  I know it's not the same but I loved him with all of my heart.

Even though I stubbornly remained in denial with my Dad (it was the only way I could get up each day and fight for him) I had many dark days with much emotion.  Always out of sight.

Just struggling at the moment but the support shown here is incredible.  Sorry for taking things off track.

bala

x

florianatwobob

balabooberlies said:

Thank you Floriana

I felt that sense of relief for the love of my life, Murphy my dog.  Just for a minute or 2, because he was out of pain.  I know it's not the same but I loved him with all of my heart.

Even though I stubbornly remained in denial with my Dad (it was the only way I could get up each day and fight for him) I had many dark days with much emotion.  Always out of sight.

Just struggling at the moment but the support shown here is incredible.  Sorry for taking things off track.

bala

x

Dogs are family too, I cried myself to sleep for a week after my furry friend was  put to sleep even though it was the right decision. 

vulpix

I have just caught up with the thread. Bala I am sorry to shove my other post into a more important conversation. 

My Dad died almost 40 years ago. I do remember in the early days hearing a joke and thinking he would appreciate it, then the shock of remembering and the guilt that I had forgotten he was gone. I can think of him very fondly now. It did take a long time to think of him and not be upset. 

As everyone has said better than me. There is no right or wrong with grief nor a length of time which it lasts. Your lovely memories are testament to the love you had for each other. 

Vxxxxx

Suffolksue

Bala,love it’s normal and natural 

I found Rev Richard Coles’ book “The Madness of Grief ‘ very ,I don’t know what the right words of ,but it spoke to me in many ways .I found it quite by chance in the library and have bought my own copy .
it may help a little ,xxx

notmy1sttime

Anyone mind if I pop in to keep motivated?
I joined this thread the last few years and tend to post once a week for a few months then RL gets in the way. I am now ready for a good spring clean.
Not setting myself any specific numbers, just plodding on with some decluttering/sanity building.
So far this week, I have:
- sold a top I never wear on vinted for £3
- taken around 3 bin liners of rubbish to the tip
- months ago, I put an item at the bottom of my wardrobe in preparation to sell. I put it on fb market tonight inviting offers and already at £65 for it

mehefin

Hey Bala. Hang on in there. Both my 'rents passed within months of each other. My Mum completely unexpectedly. My poor Dad had Oesphogal cancer and had a short life expectancy, was on palliative care etc and we honestly thought he was going to 'go' first. It was not to be. They worked as a team eg breadmaking. Dad did all the hard work, mixing, kneading etc, but Mum put it in the oven. When she passed he had no idea what temperature the oven was put to. There are so many other things.
I still think of them both daily, but now with fondness tinged with memories .
The old cliche about time is true unfortunately but the schedule differs from person to person
x mehefin