Impartial opinions sought on family Christmas matter

Spendless

Pollycat said:

An interesting question might have been:

If a 75 year old Mother (physically mobile and a frequent traveller on public transport) was invited by one of her sons to stay with him over Christmas on the expectation that she catches a train to travel the 25 miles and carry her suitcase and gifts and she wasn't happy about those proposed travel arrangements but instead of talking to the son who'd invited her, she moaned to another son, what would you think?

I think the OP's M-i-L has created stress and upset when there was no need to.
I think she has behaved badly.

And maybe another question:
What was the reason the son didn't offer to travel 25 miles to pick his Mother up if he was happy to take her home after the visit?

Pollycat said:

An interesting question might have been:

If a 75 year old Mother (physically mobile and a frequent traveller on public transport) was invited by one of her sons to stay with him over Christmas on the expectation that she catches a train to travel the 25 miles and carry her suitcase and gifts and she wasn't happy about those proposed travel arrangements but instead of talking to the son who'd invited her, she moaned to another son, what would you think?

I think the OP's M-i-L has created stress and upset when there was no need to.
I think she has behaved badly.

And maybe another question:
What was the reason the son didn't offer to travel 25 miles to pick his Mother up if he was happy to take her home after the visit?

Agreed. I thought exactly those two questions you've written when I read the OP. The answers will possibly go somewhere to explaining the upset that has been caused. 

pollypenny

SootySweep1 said:

Hi
How long does the train journey take v car journey? In alot of cases the train will be alot faster than car.

If MIL is fit & able to get to the train station easily then I see no problem.

I sure MIL would prefer a taxi to collect her so she travels door to door but if the son is working or preparing for Christmas it takes up alot of his time. 

Jen

In an equal number of cases, a car journey could be quicker. Unless both properties were near both stations, of course. 

In my case it would be, 
* walk to bus stop
* catch bus to station
* catch train
* get to son's house

I'm 74, fit and independent, but I have sympathy with the mother on this one. 

Savvy_Sue

Admittedly the distances were different, but in our family we often used to suggest that parents should make their own way to something, and we'd take them back. 

It made the start of things less stressful if you were just waiting for someone to arrive, rather than having to go and collect someone. 

It was also a test of how much the person wanted to be there.

But one of our problems was that there was no appreciation that driving was tiring. After all, you'd been sitting down, hadn't you?

Kim_kim

I think what really matters is how the mother feels about it.  Is she a fiercely independent elderly lady who insists on being let do things herself, or would she prefer a lift.
in this case it’s clear she would have liked a lift.  

It’s not really the same, but I’m only 54, I drove to my daughters on Xmas morning, she said if we aren’t in when you get here, let yourself in & her partner will bring the stuff in from the car when we get back (from walking the dog).  They were back from walking the dog when I arrived & I phoned them as I approached & they came out to unload the car.  They don’t have a drive, so you have to street park & its always a short walk.  

I wouldn’t have expected my elderly mother to get on a train.  But then she drove as long as she could & I think us drivers have a bit of an aversion to public transport!