Impartial opinions sought on family Christmas matter

martinbuckley

National Rail have a scheme where elderly passengers get escorted to the train, settled in their seat, transferred to connecting services, and escorted off the train at their destination.  When my mum was fit enough to travel (age 80) to visit me and my family, she used this service for the 130 mile trip which involved a change of train at either Birmingham New St or Manchester Piccadilly. I would book the ticket, the assistance and be at my local station to meet her.  My brother would be at her station on the return leg to take her home.  It was never a problem.

Savvy_Sue

You don't have to be elderly ...

You DO need to book the assistance in advance (there is a scheme for if you haven't booked in advance but I'd only try that in an emergency).

https://www.networkrail.co.uk/communities/passengers/planning-a-trip/assisted-travel/

Pollycat

MIZZ12 said:

Pollycat said:

How did the family member hear about your M-i-L traveling to your house?
Are you sure she wasn't the cause of this?
Either by accident or deliberately.
Is she aware of the 'family politics' that spoiled your Christmas?

Hi, yes the MIL is aware that she is the cause of this whole episode...or at least she is now.  As you suggested above, we found out today that she had moaned to the other son about travelling by train instead of talking to the other son (my husband) directly.   She has apologised and recognises that she did the wrong thing.  The two brothers have a history of not getting along, and so his reaction was also way over the top and out of order.  Not sure if there will ever be an apology from him though. Families!!!

That's exactly what I thought had happened.
Doesn't she know that her sons don't get along?
Didn't she think what a fuss she would cause by moaning to the son who didn't invite her for Christmas instead of the one who had invited her?

seven-day-weekend

I am almost 72 and would be quite happy to do that if I didn't have anything heavy to carry. I suppose it partly depends upon the reason she was asked to do it.

sevenhills

MIZZ12 said:

It's just good to know that my husband was not outrightly wrong for suggesting that his mum get the train...I get that everyone has a different opinion,  but the way the other family member is confronting him, it's as if he has committed the most heinous of crimes!!

I made Christmas dinner for my ex and her 93 yr old Dad, his Son or Grandchildren did not invite him, but he can be a grumpy old sod. Each person is different.

pickledonionspaceraider

If I had a car, I would have picked her up to be honest - If i was not working - but that is just me

However, following on from the mothers reaction of going to complain to other family about it, I would not be inviting her back again, to give her more ammo.

Pollycat

An interesting question might have been:

If a 75 year old Mother (physically mobile and a frequent traveller on public transport) was invited by one of her sons to stay with him over Christmas on the expectation that she catches a train to travel the 25 miles and carry her suitcase and gifts and she wasn't happy about those proposed travel arrangements but instead of talking to the son who'd invited her, she moaned to another son, what would you think?

I think the OP's M-i-L has created stress and upset when there was no need to.
I think she has behaved badly.

And maybe another question:
What was the reason the son didn't offer to travel 25 miles to pick his Mother up if he was happy to take her home after the visit?

MEM62

MIZZ12 said:

So, if a son, with car, asked his 75 year old mother to catch a train on her own - with suitcase and presents- to travel 25 miles to stay with him on Christmas Eve, what would you think.  

I do not think that, morally or otherwise, an invitation to visit you comes with an obligation to provide transport. (It should also be noted that, in this case, we do not know why the son was not available to pick his mother up.)  Either way, if it was my mother, I cannot see a circumstance where I would not collect her.    

SootySweep1

Hi
How long does the train journey take v car journey? In alot of cases the train will be alot faster than car.

If MIL is fit & able to get to the train station easily then I see no problem.

I sure MIL would prefer a taxi to collect her so she travels door to door but if the son is working or preparing for Christmas it takes up alot of his time. 

Jen

thorsoak

Can I give you the view of a 78 year old physically able (only just!) granny - but whilst I am still able, I will travel independantly to my children - one lives in the USA, one lives in Ireland and the other two live on the other side of the country.   Obviously, for the past two years my travelling has been curtailed, but I cannot wait to get back on a plane again - to see my children - even if I have to start thinking about assistance at airports - but whilst I can still be independant, I shall be.   

My independance is almost all I have left - and my children respect that.   When I need help, then I shall ask for it - and they will gladly and lovingly give it, I know.