Impartial opinions sought on family Christmas matter

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Both grown ups they decide between them.

It's Xmas Eve I expect the older has all day, as long as their station was convenient then just pick up from destination station would work.

Was the stirring person offering help?

MIZZ12

Pollycat said:

MIZZ12 said:

BrassicWoman said:

I think you might be pot stirring and should let your husband and his mum sort it out themselves?

I am not the one pot stirring...it is another member of his family doing that!

But what are you going too do with these 'impartial opinions' you're getting from random strangers?
Justify your husband's (i.e.the son) actions?
 If 90% of people agree with the son or 90% think he should have picked his Mum up, it's not going to change the opinion of the other member of the family.

It's just good to know that my husband was not outrightly wrong for suggesting that his mum get the train...I get that everyone has a different opinion,  but the way the other family member is confronting him, it's as if he has committed the most heinous of crimes!!

Brie

MIZZ12 said:

It's just good to know that my husband was not outrightly wrong for suggesting that his mum get the train...I get that everyone has a different opinion,  but the way the other family member is confronting him, it's as if he has committed the most heinous of crimes!!

Family members are often very good at offering opinions when they don't know all the background.  I get to the point where I will hang up on my brothers if they get too stupid in this way.  

Pollycat

MIZZ12 said:

Pollycat said:

MIZZ12 said:

BrassicWoman said:

I think you might be pot stirring and should let your husband and his mum sort it out themselves?

I am not the one pot stirring...it is another member of his family doing that!

But what are you going too do with these 'impartial opinions' you're getting from random strangers?
Justify your husband's (i.e.the son) actions?
 If 90% of people agree with the son or 90% think he should have picked his Mum up, it's not going to change the opinion of the other member of the family.

It's just good to know that my husband was not outrightly wrong for suggesting that his mum get the train...I get that everyone has a different opinion,  but the way the other family member is confronting him, it's as if he has committed the most heinous of crimes!!

Then maybe your MIL should tell the other family it's none of their business and she was happy to travel by public transport.
Or maybe she wasn't happy and whinged to said family member..
Maybe she's playing 2 family members against each other.
If I'd asked my Mum to come to our house by public transport and she didn't express any objection, I'd expect her to back me up against anybody else who wanted to make an issue of it.
Has she done that?.

MIZZ12

Pollycat said:

MIZZ12 said:

Pollycat said:

MIZZ12 said:

BrassicWoman said:

I think you might be pot stirring and should let your husband and his mum sort it out themselves?

I am not the one pot stirring...it is another member of his family doing that!

But what are you going too do with these 'impartial opinions' you're getting from random strangers?
Justify your husband's (i.e.the son) actions?
 If 90% of people agree with the son or 90% think he should have picked his Mum up, it's not going to change the opinion of the other member of the family.

It's just good to know that my husband was not outrightly wrong for suggesting that his mum get the train...I get that everyone has a different opinion,  but the way the other family member is confronting him, it's as if he has committed the most heinous of crimes!!

Then maybe your MIL should tell the other family it's none of their business and she was happy to travel by public transport.
Or maybe she wasn't happy and whinged to said family member..
Maybe she's playing 2 family members against each other.
If I'd asked my Mum to come to our house by public transport and she didn't express any objection, I'd expect her to back me up against anybody else who wanted to make an issue of it.
Has she done that?.

This is a very good point and I wouldn't be surprised if there was some element of this.   Thanks for your inputs 👍

Spendless

Too many variables. Is the 25 miles train journey a straight through quick one or involving changes and various stops en-route. Does Mum live near enough to get on the train without an additional trip to the station first, same when she gets off the other end.  Was son doing anything to prevent picking up eg if he was at work? Does the cost of petrol  and who would pay for that versus who would pay for the train fare come into making the decision?  

Has the family member complaining have any reasonable argument (even if it's one you disagree with) about why Mum should have had a lift rather than they just think son should have given one? 

Spendless

MIZZ12 said:

Pollycat said:

MIZZ12 said:

BrassicWoman said:

I think you might be pot stirring and should let your husband and his mum sort it out themselves?

I am not the one pot stirring...it is another member of his family doing that!

But what are you going too do with these 'impartial opinions' you're getting from random strangers?
Justify your husband's (i.e.the son) actions?
 If 90% of people agree with the son or 90% think he should have picked his Mum up, it's not going to change the opinion of the other member of the family.

It's just good to know that my husband was not outrightly wrong for suggesting that his mum get the train...I get that everyone has a different opinion,  but the way the other family member is confronting him, it's as if he has committed the most heinous of crimes!!

I have a family member an in-law who would and still does if possible give their opinion on how we should live our lives. I blame my own husband in allowing this because as I've told him before if he actually told family member where to get off and did it forcefully enough, then maybe they'd just remember in future and keep their beak out. Once or twice I did force his hand here saying either he could tell them nicely in his own way or I could but I wouldn't be polite about about it. I think he ended up dealing with it, or perhaps just learnt not to involve me in it all.

Your husband does have that option. He can say to family member that it was an arrangement between him and his Mum and if family member (husband's sibling at a guess) isn't happy with that then they were welcome to sort out Mum coming over themselves. Then change the subject.

MIZZ12

Thanks all for your inputs, it really has helped.  Christmas was a damp squib because of family politics, but then again what is new!  I hope you all managed to have a (relatively) stress free Christmas and wishing you a very happy and healthy New Year !

Pollycat

How did the family member hear about your M-i-L traveling to your house?
Are you sure she wasn't the cause of this?
Either by accident or deliberately.
Is she aware of the 'family politics' that spoiled your Christmas?

MIZZ12

Pollycat said:

How did the family member hear about your M-i-L traveling to your house?
Are you sure she wasn't the cause of this?
Either by accident or deliberately.
Is she aware of the 'family politics' that spoiled your Christmas?

Hi, yes the MIL is aware that she is the cause of this whole episode...or at least she is now.  As you suggested above, we found out today that she had moaned to the other son about travelling by train instead of talking to the other son (my husband) directly.   She has apologised and recognises that she did the wrong thing.  The two brothers have a history of not getting along, and so his reaction was also way over the top and out of order.  Not sure if there will ever be an apology from him though. Families!!!