Severe anxiety since purchasing house

ShinyYellowBoots

I bought my first home alone in June, as a solo buyer, and felt exactly the same way that you describe.

As well as everything that's already been mentioned, I also think that our society tends to obsess about home ownership as the be all and end all. Having rented for so many years, I half expected rainbows and angels singing when I finally bought my own place. In fact, it doesn't *feel* much different to renting and I felt for awhile as though my ambivalence about the flat was some sort of failure.

I feel so much differently now that my things are in and I've painted the kitchen a stupid colour (just because I can!). Good luck and congrats on the move! X

Ibrahim5

I think it's more that we are territorial mammals. You are on new territory so you aren't happy until you feel that it's your territory which will take time.

deannagone

When you meet a person you've never met before what do you do?  You start talking to them to find out more about them.  They may be friends, they may not, but if you talk to them usually you find you have some things in common. 

Do the same with the house.  Get to know it.  Paint it, fill holes, do some research (which you've already done) and figure out how to fix the problems you are focusing on.  Don't give yourself a long list of 'everything'. As has already been suggested, start with one room, preferably a room that just needs a bit of general maintenance and decorating (don't go for the most difficult room lol, give yourself a chance to learn some basic skills). 

By doing this, it will become achievable, and the more you do, the more you will know your house, and it will become a friend.  There's something that made you buy this house.., some very positive vibes.., you just need to make this house less of a stranger and more of a friend (get to know it by doing things to it) so you can get in touch with the positive vibes that made you buy this house.

It will help if you can view this as an adventure rather than something to be scared about.  It honestly is a really wonderful adventure, one that you will be able to look back on with pride.  If you make a mistake .., so what, you learned from it.  You always will.  And you will laugh about it (I can still remember my first attempt at tiling a kitchen, it still makes me laugh - it sloped to put it mildly lol, and I soon figured out what I had done wrong (not starting with the first row on a straight length of timber, which I used a level to make sure was level lolol or nowadays you can buy lasers fairly cheaply).  Google and especially Youtube is a wonderful resource (when I started there were just very old DiY books so much more difficult to find out how to do things - I learned a lot by making mistakes ha ha).  

However, one caveat, anything involving electrical or plumbing, I get the professionals in.  Don't knock down walls without making sure its not a supporting wall.  But most other things you can consult the Youtube experts (several just in case one is not) and do it yourself.  

And have fun with your soon to be friend.  The good thing about a house is you can tell it what you want it to look like and it won't take offense.

robatwork

breakfast_epiphanies said:

I had similar anxieties and worries about things in the house. What helped me was that I had major works done shortly after moving in (new kitchen was the main one) and the person who did that was an all round handyman that has basically sorted out every single niggle I had. 

So see if you can find someone good that you know you could call on. You might never need them, but it’s comforting to know you have a person who can sort it, or give you a professional opinion as to whether you’re worrying unduly about an issue. 

Great name!

TripleH

Try painting the walls or a wall a colour you feel comfortable with. Make a space in your home your in little safe space.

Don't worry if you want to redecorate it later on, but changing something helps, be that painting, different curtains, pictures etc.

badger09

Having moved in Feb, though not FTB, I couldn't read & run. Some great advice already and it is not at all unusual to feel like this. You've just been through one of the most stressful things you'll ever experience and to be honest, it doesn't get much easier the 2nd, 3rd or 4th time, though at least by then you don't also have FTB anxiety to deal with. 

My advice:
1) Remember all the things you loved about the house/location/whatever it was which made you decide to buy. Most of them won't have changed now you've moved in.

2) Get your kitchen & bathroom as clean as you want them to be. You can't function properly if you don't eat, or cringe when you need a shower/bath after a hard day.

3) Choose one room to be your 'sanctuary'. Do whatever is necessary in that room first - strip out carpets, paint it, put out photos/ornaments/scented candles or whatever it is that makes you happy. Probably easiest to start with a room that is already not too bad . Then when you come home, or start on another 'must do' job, you'll always have somewhere you can retreat to and relax.

For us (both in our 70s) it was 'the garden room'. This is the smallest room, so it wasn't full of boxes & we could close vertical blinds, shutting out everything else. We've since replaced all the DG which was rotting away, but nothing else, and its still my favourite room to retreat to when it all gets a bit too much for me - like the recently discovered leak in a CH pipe buried somewhere under our concrete floor. But that's another story...     

Good luck

lookstraightahead

We moved in the summer. 200 year old house. Internal doors are cheap and don't fit properly. Floors are squeaky upstairs and I always think someone will fall through. No straight walls. Damp patches. Noisy heating. Very noisy toilets. 

This Christmas we're going to my brothers, as usual. He's been in his house for years and it's all beautifully decorated and furnished. 

But. I love this house. I love it's history, it's views, the neighbours. I love that it's giving me the opportunity to work from home, to have some peace and quiet, to see the stars (hopefully not through the roof).
I still think sometimes it will fall down (I think it's too much research about what could go wrong). But so what. 

Nothing is straight, but it's nice that way. Interesting. Quirky. 

Nothing that a nice tipple won't put right.

Put things into perspective. You will be what makes your home yours. Get to know it for all its issues. Bit like my husband

bob_the_dinosaur

Making somewhere truly homely takes time.  You will soon see why you chose it and why other houses weren’t right.

onylon

Reading this thread made me feel better. It sometimes feels like everyone else is getting on with things while I'm struggling.

I started off really well. The house is much bigger and in a much posher area than my last place and I feel really lucky to live here. I unpacked really quickly and did loads of decorating in the first few months. One year on the stress in moving has caught up with me. Everything feels overwhelming. I can't find the energy to finish the last three rooms and I'm struggling to keep on top of cleaning/maintenance. I worry about money and can't stop stressing about small things that I know shouldn't bother me. I usually find work really absorbing but right now I just can't get into the right head space.

I wish I could just snap myself out of it!

RelievedSheff

bbat said:

I'm not as experienced as others on this forum. But I was a first time buyer and I remember sudden anxiety. I think it was arriving with the place empty and seeing the condition of it clearly, and perhaps not having anyone to immediately talk to or laught with about it, or just share the conversation. 
Mine is an old property and I knew there were some issues. That first two weeks it rained every single day and heavily. The permeating damp through the single skin brick wall was evident. Largely caused by a blocked gutter and water running down the xternal wall like a river.
I remember thinking '!!!!!! have I done' ans feeling a bit of panic and just having this seemingly huge list of 'things'. 
But. I remembered this house has stood here for over 100 years. Its NOT going to fall down tomorrow! 
I got the bedroom and necessary parts of living space sorted like kitchen unpacked etc. 
And I forgot the long list anxious list. Which is why its a year later and I'm onky just filing in the massive holes in the wall left by previous owner (honestly just stopped 'noticing' them after a few weeks of living here). 

I guess my ramble is saying that I felt some panic too. My only advice is to remember the house won't fall down, nothing major noted on your survey and  it doesn't need to be perfect right away. Get your favourite things out that make you happy and living in it for a bit will hopefully help 

It's funny you say that. We bought a new build a couple of years ago and I can remember lying in bed the first time after moving in that we had a big storm thinking I hope they built this right

Daft thing is we never had any worries like that with our previous 1930's semi which was very high up and in a very exposed location.

Of course 2.5 years later the new build is still standing up