Severe anxiety since purchasing house

Bonniepurple

It’s totally normal to feel anxious and worried about a new house.  You see it for a viewing- all neat and tidy, loads of space- for approx 10 minutes and then you might not see it until you’ve got the keys in your hands - and that’s when you discover that there’s “artwork” on the walls, that the carpet is stained, and, with your furniture in, suddenly seems much smaller.  

My DH summed it up just after we moved in as he felt that we were on holiday in a nice house that we were just borrowing for a week.  We’re now 11 weeks on and it does feel more like “home” - but there’s a LOT more to do to make it feel properly “ours”.

Give yourself a break.  Your body is still waiting for the next issue as it hasn’t realised that you’ve moved into a lovely house that will, over time, become your home.

Murphybear

First thing you must know.  You are not alone 

This is very common, especially for people who buy on their own.  It will pass.  There’s lots of nice friendly people on here who have gone through the same thing, so if you have any questions just ask.  

Vet

I've heard it's totally normal to feel like this after a big purchase! (I personally haven't got a house).

Just think of the benefits however - you're own space, equity (with time), no more wasted rent money.

Bonus.

[Deleted User]

@ftbblues I completely and utterly get it! I'm actually really glad I'm not just a complete weirdo because I thought I was the only one who had felt like this. In my last house, I was an experienced buyer but it was my first older house and all the things I had loved on viewing - the quirks, the slightly wonky donkey feel to everything - I suddenly felt insanely uncomfortable with. I was in tears on the first night and totally overwhelmed. I have anxiety at the best of times but it went through the roof. I constantly thought the place was going to cave in and focusing on every tiny issue. Like a hypochondriac but for houses!

I spent a fortune exploring issues and drove my other half mad. The first survey was basically fine for age, solid, just normal things to be looked at as we went. But I was so paranoid when I got in that I paid a structural engineer to look. Still said all was fine. And I still proceeded to fix a load of stuff I didn't need to! Anxiety can be a horrible overwhelming thing. Look at what bits need sorting in the house but more than that, don't make the mistakes I did and just waste money, energy and time. Be self-aware that it is anxiety and try and focus on techniques to help this instead.

Good luck!

ftbblues

@Deleted_User you are my soul sibling! You have no idea the relief your words have brought me as I know I’m not the only one. Thank you so much for replying. I feel completely the same that every little quirk I thought was lovely when viewing, is now a horror show in my eyes. May I ask when you started to feel settled in that property?

EndlessStruggle

I am in exactly the same position.

I spent a very teary, sleepless three days after buying the house, just last week after noticing more "flaws" that I hadn't before.

I was completely overwhelmed by everything. All the work that needs doing to the house but I've mellowed now and am excited for the future.

I haven't moved in yet as I decided I needed to slow down a little bit.

Can I ask have you bought alone as well and going to be living there alone? 

This is why I think it's been so much for me and it's been a long time coming. PM is always open as I completely get it.

[Deleted User]

ftbblues said:

@Deleted_User you are my soul sibling! You have no idea the relief your words have brought me as I know I’m not the only one. Thank you so much for replying. I feel completely the same that every little quirk I thought was lovely when viewing, is now a horror show in my eyes. May I ask when you started to feel settled in that property?

Hmmm this may be the bit you don't like @ftbblues because it actually ended up being a short move and we moved to a much newer build. Now - I would say I got progressively more comfortable but I was never 100%. I think it was partially the house and location but I'm sure it was also me personally at the time. It was definitely a sudden move to both an older property and a more remote location which our teens struggled with as they felt a bit isolated so a move was right for us.

I don't think that means everyone who feels like that will need to move to feel better, ours was just a combination of things. But it definitely got better in that house day by day so don't give up on it. Tackle the anxiety first and then you'll be in a better headspace for the house.

ftbblues

So glad you’ve found a great place now, @Deleted_User. Agreed that I need to tackle the anxiety and hopefully me feeling more comfortable will happen. 

@EndlessStruggle sorry to hear you’re going through this too, will PM you. 

[Deleted User]

Best of luck @ftbblues - not an easy thing. Happy for you to PM me if you want. Always easier when you share the problem x

hazyjo

Sorry, not read all the replies but didn't want to read and run. It's horrible when you feel like that. I'm a seasoned house buyer, but feel it every time. Even when I love something, there's that awful niggle that you've bought a lemon. I worry about everything little thing and always think OMG that's why they sold it.

Honestly, it will pass. It'll feel like your home and not theirs. You'll start to talk about it as "mine" rather than "theirs" and you'll prob put more of your own stamp on it.

It's a long stressful process and sometimes, when it's finished, we really don't know how to handle all the mental bruises and knocks we've taken.

Hope you settle soon. Good luck x