Severe anxiety since purchasing house

ftbblues

Hi all, my first post here and I’m feeling really worried so please be gentle. I couldn’t see a mental health section or I’d have posted in there. 

just purchased my first home, the survey threw up a few things but was deemed to be structurally sound and okay for its age. I knew it would need some things doing but accepted it for the price. However I’ve moved in now and the weight of being a first time homeowner, my existing anxiety issues and being in a new environment have taken their toll on me all of a sudden. The house doesn’t feel homely, I suddenly really dislike it and am looking at every single surface and panicking that there’s something hugely wrong with the house. 

I feel scared to be in here and wish so much that I hadn’t bought this place, but now it’s too late. I just wondered if anyone has felt the same and how I can move past this? I feel my anxiety is making me unwell.

my thoughts seem to focus on either the house falling down or if I discover something where it’s unsaleable one day. (Full survey was done and mortgage lender had no issues so maybe I’m being totally unreasonable here) 

Any advice would be gladly received, right now I just dislike the house so much and am so afraid of what I’ve done and if I’ve made a huge mistake.  It’s making me feel so sick. 

bbat

I'm not as experienced as others on this forum. But I was a first time buyer and I remember sudden anxiety. I think it was arriving with the place empty and seeing the condition of it clearly, and perhaps not having anyone to immediately talk to or laught with about it, or just share the conversation. 
Mine is an old property and I knew there were some issues. That first two weeks it rained every single day and heavily. The permeating damp through the single skin brick wall was evident. Largely caused by a blocked gutter and water running down the xternal wall like a river.
I remember thinking '!!!!!! have I done' ans feeling a bit of panic and just having this seemingly huge list of 'things'. 
But. I remembered this house has stood here for over 100 years. Its NOT going to fall down tomorrow! 
I got the bedroom and necessary parts of living space sorted like kitchen unpacked etc. 
And I forgot the long list anxious list. Which is why its a year later and I'm onky just filing in the massive holes in the wall left by previous owner (honestly just stopped 'noticing' them after a few weeks of living here). 

I guess my ramble is saying that I felt some panic too. My only advice is to remember the house won't fall down, nothing major noted on your survey and  it doesn't need to be perfect right away. Get your favourite things out that make you happy and living in it for a bit will hopefully help 

AFF8879

Your existing anxiety issues aside, which I’m sure are amplifying the problem - what you’re feeling is VERY VERY common - it’s only natural after such a long/stressful process, particularly where it’s the largest purchase you’ll ever make. It definitely does get better as you get more and more used to the house. If there are any particular problems with the house you want an opinion on, post them here and a lot of very knowledgeable/ experienced people I’m sure will be happy to help.

london21

Sorry you feel this way.
it’s a big accomplishment buying your property.
The  purchase process can be long and stressful.
Maybe  take a break from thinking about the house for now.
find something else to focus on.

The house will not fall down or if it was unstable/dangerous your survey would have flagged this up.
do you have someone you can confide in family, friends etc 

NeverTooLate

I'm a confident and (annoyingly) upbeat person who loves moving house.....but even so, every time I move there is a period of readjustment where you feel like you've made a mistake.

I don't want to downplay how you feel, but I do think that there is some sort of primeval fear here. Do you find it hard to sleep the first night away on holiday, or at someone else's house? It's your brain saying, I haven't been here before - I need to keep alert in case a <insert big animal of your choice> comes to eat me.
After a while your brain relaxes and realises that you're safe in this new environment, that's what will happen in your new house - eventually.
In the meantime, do what the others have suggested and put up your favourite pictures and knick knacks.

Good Luck!

Sanctioned_Parts_List

ftbblues said:

Any advice would be gladly received, right now I just dislike the house so much and am so afraid of what I’ve done and if I’ve made a huge mistake.  It’s making me feel so sick. 

You've moved into an empty house that's been lived in and decorated by somebody else. Maybe it wasn't left as neat and clean as when you viewed it. Maybe it's just the first opportunity you've had to really study everything about the house. Buying the house is also one of life's more stressful experiences, and now that's over, the lingering worry has nothing to fixate on. What you're feeling is a normal part of moving into a new house before you've had the chance to make your own mark on the place. I can understand that if you're predisposed to anxiety, this will feel more acute.

My own recommendation would be to treat this as a project. Change something about the house - paint one room so it's exactly how you like it, or get the carpets cleaned, or something that makes it less "other's" and more "yours." And if, in a year or two you still hate the place... sell it. But try to stick it out a couple of years first.

ftbblues

Thanks for your replies all, it’s such a comfort to hear this is normal @AFF8879

@bbat your house sounds a similar age to mine, I’ve gone from a modern, newly built rented apartment in a city centre high rise block to something with cracks, marks, etc and I’m finding it so scary! It’s mad as before I got the house I was excitedly doing research on how I can improve it, how I can save up to sort an ageing extension etc in about 3 years so I had long terms plans for it. Now I’m just sat here thinking, when I can sell this place?! It’s like I’ve lost all energy for it. 

@l@london21 I do have friends I’m chatting to but I feel their enthusiasm for the house isn’t real and that I can’t fully confide in how I’m feeling or they may worry or think I’ve lost it. Which at times, I certainly feel is true!! 

ftbblues

@NeverTooLate thanks so much, yes I’m a huge worrier so your post resonates. Home ownership just feels so so new and scary to me, I kind of hate myself for being so down about it and am trying to put a brave face on but it’s hard. 

@Sanctioned_Parts_List yes there’s truth in this for sure- I’m one of those people who always has a worry on my mind and when one worry ends, my brain is so good at finding a new one- so helpful if my brain! Thanks for the idea of treating it as a project, I need to get into that mindset.

Teapot55

Moving house is known to be one of those life changes that is stressful so don’t feel bad that you’re anxious as it’s pretty normal. All the effort of making everything happen is over now you’re in the house but when all the excitement and activity stops there’s a bit of an anticlimax.

The survey (two surveys?) said the house was sound. Have another read of the report(s) to reassure yourself. 

Have you got insurance? That covers you for lots of things. Generally bad stuff doesn’t happen but just in case it does that’s what insurance is for. 

Maybe put some decent music on and fill the house with smells you like (coffee? cooking? incense?). Go for a run or a brisk walk or a bike ride then come back to a nice warm house and snuggle under a blanket and watch something good on the box. 

Hope you feel better soon x

bbat

ftbblues said:

Thanks for your replies all, it’s such a comfort to hear this is normal @AFF8879

@bbat your house sounds a similar age to mine, I’ve gone from a modern, newly built rented apartment in a city centre high rise block to something with cracks, marks, etc and I’m finding it so scary! It’s mad as before I got the house I was excitedly doing research on how I can improve it, how I can save up to sort an ageing extension etc in about 3 years so I had long terms plans for it. Now I’m just sat here thinking, when I can sell this place?! It’s like I’ve lost all energy for it. 

@l@london21 I do have friends I’m chatting to but I feel their enthusiasm for the house isn’t real and that I can’t fully confide in how I’m feeling or they may worry or think I’ve lost it. Which at times, I certainly feel is true!! 

I promise that after a while you don't notice some of the imperfections, and they are part of its history! I agree with what others have said. Have a break from house stuff. Pick one project, one room to focus on and the rest can wait. I'm in a flat so less spaces to think about but other things to learn about too. My dad always says...everything is fixable, just costs money, don't strive for perfection immediately. Get your sleeping and resting place comfy and hopefully you'll settle in quickly. 

ftbblues

@Teapot55 thank you, yes the survey mentioned lots of stuff I already had spotted and it does say none of the things I’m worried about are dangerous etc but for some reason I’m fixating hugely on anything that I can see that looks weird or “wrong”, which is so annoying. We do indeed have insurance but for some reason that’s not comforting me for some weird reason. Think it’s the fact I’ve never been a homeowner and I just feel freaked out by it. Thanks for the ideas, and the well wishes- it’s making me feel a little better xx